Need a bit of advice re work situation - cancer, workload and colleague

[Yorkyh]

Hi all,

Bit of a tricky situation that I just need some advice on handling. I joined my employer 5 years ago, and when I started I ended up covering two people's jobs as a second person left just after the first I was initially to replace. Due to this, my workload has always been quite high, I do get stressed (don't show it thankfully), and I have been praised in the past for my work ethic etc.

Unfortunately in 2023 I was diagnosed with breast cancer age 29, so had the whole chemo, surgery and radiotherapy to go through. I worked from home about 3/4 of the time during this period but did remain working full time, and no adjustments were made in terms of numbers of clients I deal with. I remain on 10 years of preventative treatment and do experience side effects from this but remain at my desk or on site 5 days a week.

One of my colleagues left during this period and was replaced with say 'Hagrid', who I shared quite a lot of clients with. I was expected to train Hagrid up, despite all that was going on, and I did my best to do so.

Unfortunately Hagrid hasn't been performing well and he's been taken off one of our larger clients, leaving the workload since last August down to me. Since this point I have never caught up with my workload, and because of his inability to manage his own work, I also get random bits given to me by my boss that he's been unable to do, e.g. an important document that needs doing within a timeframe that Hagrid won't meet, or will manage to get the work wrong.

Hagrid is dead chuffed he's been taken away from this shared client as they are notoriously difficult, and genuinely thinks he's done no wrong (despite my boss telling me the opposite). Hagrid remains on the same salary as me (I have had pay rises in the 5 years I've been employed there and now I match what he joined on about 1.5 years ago), he also has the benefit of a company car. When compared with others on my team, I have about a third more clients than each of them.

My workload is unsustainable, I cannot keep up. I've raised this issue previously however I was told to not let another colleague ruin my time at the workplace, and that was that.

I have been told I will get a further pay rise in April (amount unknown) and someone is moving from another team now to help, but they have admitted they have no idea how to use the systems, and will need fully training up. It seemed like a good idea at first but the more I think about it, the worse it seems, as I once again will be training someone whilst trying to deal with my workload.

Also, I have had some personal issues with Hagrid. He doesn't always think before he speaks, and way back when he first started he told another colleague, who asked whether I was going to the Xmas party that year, that I was using the excuse of the 'Big C' to not attend. I took a day off recently to get my hair coloured blonde (bit of TLC, I lost it all so its still very short and I wanted to feel a bit more old me) and today when discussing something that happened on that day at work, he stated 'it 's the day you were off getting your hair done like Slim Shady'. Obviously we all know Eminem is a man and at one point had short bleached hair, so let's be honest he has just insinuated I look like a man. My self confidence at the minute is bad enough as it is so just feeling a bit crappy tonight!

I do have a decent sense of humour and love a dark joke, but I feel with everything mentioned above, I honestly just feel like closing my laptop lid and never going back. The reality is that my boss hasn't handled any of it well; cancer, my workload and my colleague Hagrid. I feel like a bit of a mug just sitting there doing more work than anyone else and still struggling due to what I have been through, with an unsympathetic colleague on top of it all.

I get home on a night and I cannot be bothered with anything. The days are long, I am out of the house minimum 10 hours a day, usually more, and the normal answer would be to change jobs but this one has zapped every final bit out of me that it makes it easier to sit and suffer and feel down every day than to start applying when I get home and do interview prep etc. It's that bad I pulled out of an interview recently as I mentally couldn't cope with the preparation, something I would never usually do.

How on earth would you deal with this scenario? I would love to know people's honest opinions and please give me a kick up the backside to do something about it. I would also equally appreciate if you think I'm being a bit oversensitive about it all!

Thank you 😊

You are definitely not being over sensitive. Does your company have HR?

Another option could be to ask for a formal meeting with your manager and raise all the points here, asking for a specific plan to remedy the workload?

Hagrid sounds like a right dickhead.

Can you take any time out between jobs op? To build confidence and energy back up.Not always feasible I know.

It sounds like you're reaching burnout point. I'd suggest seeing your GP and getting signed off to recover. Once you've got some energy back you can start applying for other jobs because things are not going to get better with your current employer.

I can't believe you managed to work through primary BC treatment. I only managed 10 days out of each 21 day chemo cycle and I thought I was doing amazingly well managing that. Your employer is taking the piss.

In your circumstances I don't think I'd bother dealing with hagrid and their insensitivity. Not worth the effort. Just get out.

And you're not being at all oversensitive.

You need some time off to gather your thoughts, get some rest and look for another job. It sounds like you are a very valuable employee that is being treated appallingly. Your extremely resilient and loyal, any other employer would be glad to have you. You owe your employer nothing, so please take a step back, breathe and take some time out.
You deserve it. I think you are amazing.

What's the situation with sick pay? SsP or full pay? ... you do.need to take at least a few weekd off with work related stress.

Hopefully you are in a trade union. Macmillan will have specific professional support for this situation also.

Hope you get this sorted and you ate finished with treatment x

I would leave, it’s just not worth it.

I was in a similar situation years ago, I worked myself ragged through radiation and chemo, I would attend radiation treatment daily then go back into the office.

I finally got too sick to work and had to take some time off. When I returned I couldn’t come back to my former workload (think 10+ hour days and no breaks etc) so they bullied me relentlessly to get me to quit. They finally accused me of gross misconduct, on the basis of things that happened during my leave, and tried to sack me.

You’re hitting burnout, although you sound amazingly resilient. Would highly recommend a senior mentor, either internally in your organisation or external. Having someone to talk to IRL, to help you work out what you want and confidence to move on would be invaluable. I think you need to decide if you want you think would be ideal resolution for this situation, and don’t sell yourself short.

I'm going to be blunt after re-reading especially your last paragraph. Please don't carry on like this, it will make you ill. You sound burnt out. Get signed off for a bit, build your energy back, go back for a bit whilst job hunting. I wouldn't normally say that but everything your body has been through and approaching burn out you need to look after yourself op. You sound amazing and it shines through in your post.

I agree you’re not being oversensitive and I also agree this sounds like the beginning of burnout, so do listen to what your body and mind is telling you here. As you say, this is unsustainable and something has to give, don’t let it be your mental or physical health, or ability to continue working.

At your age I would not have had the confidence to present the issues to my boss but honestly I think that’s what you need to do here if you plan on staying in this role (and it sounds like you’re doing brilliantly at it so in some ways it would be a shame to leave). The good thing is that currently you are in a position of strength in that the company is clearly happy with your work and would find it hard to replace you quickly and easily.

Ask for a meeting and make sure it all goes in writing as well, everything you’ve said here basically, and use it to negotiate something along the lines of 1. a very decent pay rise in April (needs to be more than Hagrid for sure), plus all the perks your colleague gets that you currently don’t, and maybe a promotion of some kind. If you’re essentially having to mop up the work he can’t cope with, you should be paid more than him and ideally have a more elevated position formally within the company hierarchy 2. more actual help long-term (that could be this new colleague but you should ask what happens if like Hagrid, they aren’t performing well and leaving you to pick up all the pieces, you should maybe ask to have some say in whether this person stays or they keep looking). And 3. a reduced workload while you are training up this new person to reflect the time and effort you will be putting into training them up (or instead they could give you someone already trained up).

If you feel unable to have this conversation currently because work has drained you so much you could consider asking your GP to sign you off for a couple of weeks with stress, however that might weaken your negotiating position, as unfair as that seems, so just be aware.

Re: Hagrid’s comments these would be best dealt with at the time either directly by you or via reporting it up to your management. I would personally be inclined to let the Slim Shady comment go to be honest, I very much doubt he intended to imply you look like a man and probably just thought he was being funny 🙄. I understand how sensitive an issue post chemo hair is though and it wouldn’t be wrong of you to pursue him being reprimanded officially over this if you wanted. However I’d be furious about what he said about your using cancer as an excuse not to attend the Christmas party and I think he should be reprimanded on that one even though it is a bit further down the line than ideal to deal with that comment.

I agree with a pp a workplace mentor or work coaching type thing would be ideal if you can access it.

Hagrid needs to be properly dealt with. Unfortunately, I can't come into your workplace and drop kick him because I'd be arrested.

So he needs to be pulled up for the comments that he's made to you. They are really nasty and you are not being over sensitive.

If he hasn't even been told that he was taken off that client account for being crap at his job, then he's not being managed properly and I suspect you are carrying a much greater load than you should be even if you hadn't been unwell.

I would go to your manager and HR with all of it. I would actually probably request a meeting with both of them. I mean at the same time, so they don't have a chance to fob you off. And go off sick. I hope you get this situation resolved 💐

A) as a PP has said, Hagrid is a twat
B) again as a PP (and indeed you have identified) your Manager hasn’t really managed this situation well at all
C) take action now. Do what they’ve said ^

• meet with dickhead manager and say enough is enough. Workload needs to be managed before new person comes in as you can’t do what’s expected now, let alone be expected to train up the new person etc etc
• I’d also mention Hagrid’s insensitive comments
• and state you expect a significant rise in April given all your efforts to date that don’t appear to have been adequately recognised
• if none of that happens then go off sick (follow-up your meeting in writing to your manager so it’s documented btw)

And you defo aren’t being over sensitive about it!

You need to put yourself 1st now. I speak to your manager and HR and tell them what hargid has said to you. I would also ask your manager what is the plan for your work load going forward because at the moment you have a very high work load that's being ongoing since you started cancer treatment. I would remind them that hargid was supposed to help you but you are now dealing with x,y,z who were formally with him.
I would also say that if I have to train up a new person I can't have the current workload.
I would ask about your pay increase, how much will this be and when will you receive this?
I would also ask when are you getting a company car like hagird if you want a company car?

My feeling is that your boss knows your good and is quite happy to leave you doing this workload. They are probably happy that your dealing with the awkward customers because hargid was or is likely to insult them or not do what they want. Then of course your good and cheap and your willing to carry a high work load.

I feel at the moment that your close to burn out. Your boss keeps promising things but is slow to deliver and the heavy work load is not helping.
They either take some of the workload off you now or I would go to your doctor and get signed off for a few weeks. You need rest for a week and eat well. I would then start to look for another job.

One of my friends was in a similar position to you and they took time off due to stress. She eat well and rested for a week. Even after a week they started to feel better. They then looked for and found a new job paying more than there previous job.
This new job lead to a far better future for my friend.

If you've never spoken up in the past about the high workload, your employer will just keep overloading you with work so you do need to speak up and don't let them brush it under the carpet this time.

I've found that if the job is being done, they don't really care to whose detriment and whose well being is suffering because of it.

Hagrid does sound like a bit of a tool - and probably doesn't help that he's on a similar salary and not pulling his weight.

There’s a clear inequality based on sex. Your junior colleague is paid the same as you plus benefits. Go in hard about that.

Cancer is seen as a disability and you should have been given reasonable adjustments. They didn’t - they were in breach of the law.

Could you leave for another job and more money? If so, go a wee bit nuclear and demand a clear pay rise that puts you above “Hagrid” - if they don’t comply, leave.