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Original poster

Would you take this job?

19 replies

Mamabear256 · 10/02/2025 19:01

Evening all

I am looking for some advice. I am currently on temporary promotion HO in the civil service. There’s no inkling yet whether they will want this as a permanent role or even extend it, it’s due to end in a few months. I’ve been offered a permanent promotion role at HO level however it requires travel once every 6 weeks to another city which is a 2 hour train ride with an overnight stay. I have young children. The role is amazing except for this aspect, I don’t want to be staying away from my children this frequently (they are 4 and 2). If my temporary promotion ends I go back to my band O job which is okay and manageable but obviously I want to progress and will keep applying for roles in the mean time. I’m really stuck on what to do. I’m loving what I do now on temporary promotion and if this was to become permanent I’d put in an application right away - it is my preferred choice. But as I said they don’t know yet if it’s going to be a permanent role.

I guess I’m asking what you guys would do in this situation?

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 10/02/2025 19:03

Do you have someone to look after the children overnight? If so I would do it. OH would step up to support me. When they go to school will it still work with stop off?

MiddleAgedDread · 10/02/2025 19:04

Is it just one overnight trip every 6 weeks?
if you’ve got facilities for child care while
youre away, or can arrange them, then i’d go for it. A man wouldn’t even think twice about taking on such an arrangement yet women are so reluctant to do so.

Sallysoup · 10/02/2025 19:05

If you have a partner who can look after the children those nights then yes, if you would need external family help or to rely on an ex partner then it might prove stressful if they cannot do it for any reason.

Original poster
Mamabear256 · 10/02/2025 19:19

Yes I should have mentioned I do have a partner who is really supportive so that’s not the issue. I’m just not sure if I actually want to do the travel. One child is in reception and one in nursery and I just don’t know if I want to do nights away on a regular basis. Our weeks are so full on as it I can’t imagine the week where I’d have to travel what that would be like. Part of me wants to hold out to see what happens with the TP as it’s my preferred choice. I feel really torn on what to do!

OP posts:
MiddleAgedDread · 10/02/2025 19:22

It’s not that regular, it’s once every school half term on average. See it as a nice quiet night away to yourself……time to read your book or listen to music on the train, someone else cooking dinner, uninterrupted nights sleep……

Apfelkuchen · 10/02/2025 19:24

It’s only 1 night every 6 weeks. You have a supportive partner and your children will be well looked after. You would be in a role that you describe as amazing.
You may find that this role benefits your whole family in different ways, and that you enjoy the change in routine.

Lotsalotsagiggles · 10/02/2025 19:26

Can you take one offered but apply to move back if one in currently goes perm..

MyrtleLion · 10/02/2025 19:28

Mamabear256 · 10/02/2025 19:19

Yes I should have mentioned I do have a partner who is really supportive so that’s not the issue. I’m just not sure if I actually want to do the travel. One child is in reception and one in nursery and I just don’t know if I want to do nights away on a regular basis. Our weeks are so full on as it I can’t imagine the week where I’d have to travel what that would be like. Part of me wants to hold out to see what happens with the TP as it’s my preferred choice. I feel really torn on what to do!

I think you might find it's a welcome break and an opportunity to have some time for yourself.

SerenityNowSerenityNow · 10/02/2025 19:34

One night every six weeks? It's really not much. I'd take the job.

As someone already pointed out, men don't think twice about stuff like this!

lemongrizzly · 10/02/2025 19:36

I would go for it!

StillSittingInACornerIHaunt · 10/02/2025 19:41

1 night away from home every 6 weeks is really not a lot! Your kids will be with your partner.
I honestly find this quite baffling!
Are you one of those people who hasn't had a single night away from their kids since your first was born 4 years ago?!
Your kids will be fine.
They will learn that women have careers that can take them away from home sometimes.
Your kids will learn that if you leave... You always come back.
You will realise that as a parent of 2 toddlers, a night away in a hotel watching telly/reading a book/having a hot bath/hotel breakfast once every 6 weeks is actually really nice and valuable respite.
Your employer will see that you're keen to progress.

LouiseTopaz · 10/02/2025 19:49

I used to have a job that involved this type of travel, and the challenges arose when trips coincided with important events—like Halloween, Bonfire Night, school or nursery activities, birthdays, and other special moments with family. Missing those key occasions was tough, which is why I eventually changed roles. It might seem like a small thing, every 6 weeks but if you can't choose the day it can mean some sacrifices.

Original poster
Mamabear256 · 10/02/2025 20:44

Thanks for your responses.

I am not one of those mums whose never stayed a night away from their children, I have, for leisure such as a holiday for a few nights but it’s not a regular thing like this. I know men wouldn’t give this a second thought but I do want to be around for my children all the day and wonder if I’ll dread every time a stay away is approaching which will possibly
lead to me being unhappy in the role, I’m not sure

OP posts:
SerenityNowSerenityNow · 10/02/2025 20:54

What is worrying you specifically? One night in six weeks is not a huge amount.
Both me and DH travel internationally for work and as it's often long haul we can be away for a week /ten days.

Beautifulweeds · 10/02/2025 20:55

MyrtleLion · 10/02/2025 19:28

I think you might find it's a welcome break and an opportunity to have some time for yourself.

Show quote history

I agree, a bit of time apart can be beneficial. X

Fastingandhungry · 10/02/2025 21:03

Why do you have to stay over? 2 hours each way every six weeks is very manageable.

StillSittingInACornerIHaunt · 10/02/2025 22:37

Fastingandhungry · 10/02/2025 21:03

Why do you have to stay over? 2 hours each way every six weeks is very manageable.

Oh - this is actually a very good point!
Or is there a reason you have to stay overnight?
When my kids were little I'd often choose a 5am start and home by 9pm rather than an overnight.
And does it need to be the same specific day as per a pp? E.g would you be able to do a different day that week if it fell on your child's birthday?
Worth asking them about that maybe?

Original poster
Mamabear256 · 11/02/2025 15:16

So it would be the same day every time as it’s a planning meeting that’s booked in in advance. There’s also potential for more travelling at the start for training and then again more down the line as the role will potentially change. Due to this it’s likely I’m going to decline the offer. It’s a shame as otherwise it would have been ideal for me but the travelling is just not what I want - I get it works for some but not for me

OP posts:
TipsyBlueOtter · 11/02/2025 16:43

I did something similar when mine was 5. The night away was good for me (read a book! See a friend! Eat spicy food!) but also for DS's development and my partner's bond with him.

If it's something like a Manchester to London train, they do go quite late. I ended up staying overnight only every other month, sometimes I'd get the 6.30am train and the 7.30pm one home. You get home after bedtime but in time for News At 10 and you're around for breakfast the next day. If work are paying travel you could even travel peak times.

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