I make mistakes in every job, I don't know what to do , advise needed

[Lowconfidence84]

I am 40 years old and thought I was a pretty clever person with a lot of common sense but boy was I wrong! I did well all through school, got good grades and I went to University. But it all went downhill from there.
I worked for a few years in a very easy admin job whilst looking for work relating to my degree but then got married, had children and became a SAHM whilst my husband had a very senior level job and earned well. We were happy with the arrangement and it was decided once the kids got older I'd return to work which I have.
And what a shock it has been. I dont know if it's because I am out of practice or just not capable but I seem to find things really difficult, get overwhelmed easily and make mistakes. This makes me highly stressed and anxious and I don't want to go in. (I do, I've never been off sick) but it makes me want to leave.
I've changed jobs 3 times in 18 months and I want to change again because yet again I have mucked up and i feel like my manager feels I am incapable and it will only lead to them getting rid of me down the line so I would rather jump ship first.
I absolutely hate working because of this. I enjoy going to work, I enjoy the social aspect and I enjoy the work when its going well, but I don't seem to be able to do anything that is remotely difficult.

I'm working now in a receptionist/administration role. The receptionist part i love, but the admin part I'm finding too much.

I just don't know what job I should do as I am obviously not capable of doing this type of work? What is wrong with me?
I'm limited with what I could choose ilas I have mobility problems so can't do anything manual, and I have kids so would rather not work weekends

Might it be confidence?
It sounds like you’ve talked yourself into feeling you can’t do the job, but there’s nothing stopping you.
Rather than moving jobs again, why don’t you ask for some training or support? Which they should be putting in place, we all make mistakes.
There might be something about learning from a mistake and persevering rather than moving roles.
You can do this!

I dont want to give too much away with my job but there isn't any training or support. There's 2 of us in the office and when I started I was thrown in at the deep end and had to learn along the way.
Of course this will mean mistakes are made , but my manager is not a nice person who seems to take pleasure picking fault and making no allowances for me having no training and never done this job before.

Everyone makes mistakes when they're new. I can't imagine there is a manager in the world who explains everything perfectly first time and there's not a new employee anywhere who picks up 100% of what they're told first time.

As a manager, I am looking for:
Someone who listens and takes notes
Someone who then uses their notes!
Someone who when they make a mistake they refer back to their notes and ensure they are clear
Someone who doesn't make the same mistake multiple times after I have told them about it

Telling yourself you're rubbish and can't do it will be a self fulfilling prophecy - mainly because that voice in your head is drowning out any constructive feedback that will stop it happening again.

Schools are like that.

It sounds like you are very capable but maybe lacking confidence, once you make a mistake it spirals and you make more?

Do you take notes ? In your current role are you continually asked to learn new things, or once you have learnt the tasks is that it? I would advise you to stick with this job, make a list of things you are not sure about and either ask for support or practise and take notes.

In my last job I had to continually switch between spreadsheets, ledger book (!) , paying invoices and going on to shop floor to deal with difficult customers. etc etc

I used to write notes at the start like , open file, scroll to settings, press F5 etc etc literally step by step. I wrote out formulas explaining how to work out percentages, unlock spreadsheets etc . Break it down for yourself.

Could it be brain fog? I had that alot after kids for a couple years. Maybe see a gp?

Also it's not about the mistakes, it's how you handle them and try to fix them. Everyone makes mistakes

What you describe is a failure of management. As humans, we all make mistakes. The trick is to find a role where people recognise this, where training and support are provided and you have a manager who encourages a culture of openness and mistakes are genuinely recognised as opportunities for learning.

Your first task is to build on your experience and look for a similar tole in a very very different environment. Spend a bit of time working up the answer you will give when asked why you want the new job.

Imagine you were advising a daughter of a friend or sibling. You are looking to ....

Once you find an organisation with a good culture start working your way up. You have a lot to offer and are totally wasted in the current toxic environment. Get yourself out pronto.

It's not you, it's them.

I am a really nice person i think and I am great with people. I fit in my job well and get on with absolutely everyone . I am passionate about it and care about my job and want to do well.
As someone said above, once I make a mistake I spiral . This is a financial mistake under £100 but I am so scared of people thinking bad of me or being angry with me I would rather just leave

You're moving on too quickly. People make mistakes, you learn from it and carry on. Moving on to a new job just puts you back to square one whereas making a mistake and learning from it moves you up to square two, three, etc.

Ask more questions, shadow your colleague, do more research in your own time, just don't leave a position you enjoy because you ballsed up a bit. You can do this

Good advice thank you. I get so annoyed with myself because I have done so well overall and I do the majority of the job well- but when anything goes wrong I just crumble

For years I was like you OP. I'm a smart person, well educated and not stupid but for some reason I always used to make silly mistakes. Things like putting the wrong letter in the wrong envelope or forgetting to pass a message on. Of course it never failed to be the most important letter or message either. I'd also concentrate on something that wasn't important whilst overlooking the very thing my manager was waiting for. It's never been deliberate. I work hard and really want to make a good impression. Obviously the more it happened, the more it kept happening because of sheer panic. Like you I'm a nice person and get on with everyone, which has saved me on more than one occasion. It took me years of "self training" to get over this constant self fulfilling prophecy.

Just stick to one job and get used to the challenging parts. Learning new tasks takes time. Changing jobs won’t solve any problems, and it's not that you're incapable of doing the job. There are both easy and difficult aspects to work, and you just need a little patience.

It doesn't help that my manager doesn't have any patience. She expects perfection from day one even though they took me on knowing I didn't have experience of this role.
Overall I know i have done well but she never focuses on any of that and it really effects me. I'm constantly waiting for the next thing she is going to "tell me off about"

Just sounds like low self esteem. Instead of jumping ship why don’t you do something different this time? Stay and see what they do or say? I made a lot of mistakes in my current role when I started. Because it’s a complicated job. I’m also slow to learn with a health condition I have. But I decided just to keep going and trying and eventually I had a job I liked and could do. II have a colleague who makes careless mistakes who has been there longer. She seems to survive, even though one of our managers isn’t that nice. Hang in there and give it more time.

You sound more than capable and making mistakes is absolutely normal. In some jobs this is more of an issue than others - medical, engineering, legal etc.

Has your boss picked you up nastily on your mistakes, because that can really make you anxious, nervous and more likely to make more mistakes. If it’s the occasional mistake I’d own it and as PPs suggested, make notes on tne procedures involved and double check email recipients are correct, attachments are attached and are the right attachments. Same with snail mail - check the right letter is in correct envelope. Go a bit slower if necessary.

My first reaction was ‘flight mode’ - leaving a job, because I was convinced I was shit at it and would be fired anyhow. Unless your boss is making your life hell and hinting at warning/firing you, then I’d try as hard as you can to keep going. Deep breathing when you feel your brain is going into panic, ‘I’m hopeless’ mode. Many jobs stick you in at the deep end and you are left to pick things up by osmosis somehow. It’s so hard. But next job could well be another plunge in at the deep end. Deep down I think you know you can do this job. Can you find strategies to help with the ‘just crumbling’, feeling ? Is there anything you think would help? It’s such an incapacating feeling . Anything that would boost your confidence, assertiveness skills?

You obviously never met my old manager! It was only when I worked in a different role for a few months with a different line manager that I realised I am very capable and really do spiral with micromanagement and criticism so then lose confidence and make mistakes. A new member of the team who joined not long after I returned mentioned that she had never known a manager criticise so much. By that time I already had a new job lined up! A supportive manager makes so much difference, as does the right training.

To deal with errors, good note taking, time management and concentrating on one task at a time. I get very distracted but now give myself a little pep talk and a strict 'nothing else until this is finished' rule to prevent any mistakes happening in the first place.

The most important thing is that you have recognised your mistake and that you have learned from it so it should not happen again. You need to try to stick with it OP, perhaps ask for more support, can someone else double check things you are less confident about until you have the hang of things.

Rejection sensitivity disorder is real and could fit with what you’re describing. My teen daughter is autistic & adhd and really struggles with any form of perceived error or has a small error she spirals really quickly. She’s also very intelligent neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria/

Are you perhaps being unforgiving of yourself. Mistakes get made, learn from them , take feedback and move on. Unless it compromised safety or cost the organisation money was it really as significant as you fear?

Lack of confidence, anxiety, self steam.

I recommend magnesium chelated from Solgar for anxiety.

There are also some good meditations in YouTube from the Mindful movement for self, worth, confidence, anxiety, etc. You have to listen every day.

£100 is nothing, I've seen way worse!

Make getting it right first time your priority. Slow but correct is better than fast and wrong.