Am I Passive Aggressive or are they just being rude and defensive?

[spottedinthewilds]

I got accused of being Passive Aggressive today by one of my team.

This team member has made mistakes recently that has cost the business money. I am having to double check his work to ensure that there are no errors. This person has been in post for over 12 months now and should not be making these errors.
We work remotely so all communications is done via email.
He knows that there have been mistakes made but clearly doesn't like receiving negative feedback.

Whenever I approach an issue, I am very careful to include 2 or 3 positive aspects of their work before bringing up the negative. However, it seems (and I guess, I don't blame them) they seem to only read the negative comment.

Our work needs us to be accurate and detailed.

I asked them to clarify an issue for me today, by email. I was kind in that I asked how their day was going etc. I then asked the question. They clarified.

The issue in question is something that I addressed to the whole team only about 2/3 weeks back and asked them all to put a certain simple control measure in place. This wasn't done. I asked him that going forward, this control measure was put in place.

I was told I was being passive agressive and that I had ruined their day.

How do you manage negative feedback without being told you are in the wrong?

I think maybe because I don't want negative feedback to sound hurtful or rude, I sweeten everything up. Maybe that makes it PA? If I was more to the point, that would be worse surely?

It sounds like you can’t win.
The older I get, the more I start to ask what would a man do in that situation and (like a man!) say fuck it to the results. So in your case I would get to the point and ask for the info that you need with the only politeness being please and thank you.

Agree

Yep, although if the team member was a woman - (I'll admit I changed that one detail to try and avoid being outed). Would your advice be the same?

I expect you have performance reviews? Are you the one who would be doing that for this staff member? If not, you could say
”I understand you’re upset about me having to remind you of X, but I’m trying to help., as I do every member of the team”. Or words to that effect.

I’d be tempted to do this by email so that there is a record (Subject line) of the contact and of your reasonable reply in relation to something they failed to do.

from what you’ve described no you’re not being passive aggressive. They are making errors, which it’s your job to check and correct. You asked them if they’d done something. They hadn’t.

PA here I think would be constantly double checking their work but not actually raising the issue of ongoing errors with them. Or saying something like “I’m guessing you haven’t done anything about [issue]”.

It sounds much more like defensiveness on their part.
they aren’t doing their job properly and resent you for pointing it out

It’s not on you to manage their emotions around receiving feedback

I don't think your colleague understands what being passive agressive means.

I agree with a pp that you won't be able to win (in terms of the staff member not feeling aggrieved) on this one. What they want is for you not to point out their mistakes, but obviously you can't do that. I'd just be polite but clear and direct.

He's done something wrong and he's butt hurt about it. Like a little kid, pouting because he's been told off.
You have to tell him about his mistakes. If you don't you wouldn't be doing your job. He is clearly a bit crap and also can't handle criticism at all.
There's no point in trying a different tactic. You can't sugar coat it.
Be plain with him. Your errors lost the company x money. This is factual. There is no aggression or emotion behind it. If he carries on like that he'll lose his job I presume. And he knows it so is trying to guilt trip you.

You should be putting him on a performance plan and manage his sorry ass out.

Employees who are like this are time wasting oxygen thieves. Come down on him hard like a ton of bricks - give him something to really ruin his snowflake day.

You sound nice.

I think remote feedback can start to get a bit souless but it sounds like you're okay. I have a manager that doesn't even say hello, it's just do this, this was wrong. It can feel a bit like you're a drone but I just let it go over my head.

Can you air things with him in person with another supervisor/manager present?