TTC Stressful toxic workplace

[FlorenceFlora]

I've been at my workplace for three years now, and my partner and I have started TTC. However, I'm incredibly anxious, stressed, and exhausted all the time due to my toxic manager and my long hours—about 44 hours a week—even though I managed to negotiate a half-day off last year because of my declining mental health. It helped a little, but I'm still struggling. I desperately want to leave, but I’m well aware that to qualify for maternity leave, I need to stay employed. This has left me in a catch-22, and I worry that the stress and exhaustion from work may be affecting my chances of conceiving. I'm 34 and desperate to start a family, but I feel stuck and unsure of my rights or next steps.
I'm considering a few options:

• Trying acupuncture for fertility, which a friend recommended as a way to reduce stress.
• Consulting my doctor to see if they can provide a written note to help reduce my working hours, especially since I’ve already had to take time off for burnout.
• Speaking to HR to formally request reduced hours to lower my stress levels? Unlikely this may happen. But I could try if I get a doctors note?

I feel like I shouldn’t mention that I am TTC because I don’t think it would
go down well. I need some advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, as I'm struggling to figure out what to do next.

You always qualify for maternity, you just might not get enhanced maternity pay. But you'll always be able to take it. If you go part time you won't be earning much during your qualifying weeks which defeats the point of staying in a job you hate. I'd find something else - you don't know how long it will take you to get pregnant.

Is 44 hours a crazy week! Surely that’s just a 9-6?
You can put in a request to reduce your hours but they don’t have to accept it if there isn’t a business case for it, all you can do is give it a go though. I don’t think a doctors note for stress would really back up your request though to be honest.

You are correct that stress won't help you - either with conception or with your general health. But since you are not yet pregnant, why are you sitting around in a toxic workplace instead of looking for another job? You would still qualify for maternity leave, and to be absolutely honest, if you really want a child then hanging about for a bit of money is perhaps not the wisest of approaches?

If it's helpful, my personal experience was similar. I stayed in a stressful and toxic job for over a year longer than I'd have wanted to because they had a great maternity leave package.

TTC for ages and nothing.

Finally gave up and moved to a lovely organisation that sadly only paid statutory, stress levels quickly resolved, and I got pregnant very quickly. I had to tell my manager I was pregnant very soon after I'd passed my probation, so I'd been there just over a year when baby was born.

Despite only getting SMP, it was still the right thing to do - they were a tiny charity so not much cash but very supportive in other ways and they let me return on a part-time, part-remote basis.

Don't do it to yourself.
I did something similar for the enhanced maternity pay, fell pregnant quickly (32) then spent half my maternity leave anxious about going back to repay it.
Consider your options for returning after maternity, childcare arrangements working the hours you are doing? Will they be flexible in your working pattern / hours? Any effects on your mental or physical health? Think of the long term.

Ask your Manager to do a Stress Risk Assessment and discuss your long hours.
they need to reduce these or your workload to ensure you are just working your contracted hours.
if no joy contact HR.