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Original poster

Is this covert bullying?

42 replies

xsquared · 02/02/2025 01:01

I don't know whether I'm just being petty, or whether my boss is being out of line and a cf.

For months now, there would be a little thing here and there that they do that feels intrusive or where they haven't been communicating honestly with me and my colleague. On the surface, they've never been aggressive or antagonistic, it's just that their actions have made me feel undermined.

For background information, I am in a supporting role for the team and my colleague and I have our own work area where we have extra computers and work with students. Sometimes other members of staff like working on the spare staff computer to get away from the office.

Some examples of their behaviour that I wasn't happy with:

  • A large storage unit appeared one day in our area, and I thought my colleague had ordered it for us, but it turned out that our boss had ordered it to store something else in it. Fine. We have the space, but I wish you'd let us know first.
  • An increase in their appearance in our area when they have their own office and computer. They are quick to say why they are there without being prompted.
  • They take a key piece of equipment to give to the new member of staff rather than ordering a new one, and say to us that we do not need one each.
  • A major piece of IT equipment was ordered to be moved by them to another room without any discussion with me or my colleague. Those who work with us don't benefit from the lack of equipment either.

I don’t want to be too specific and give further details, although I doubt they use MN.

I jut feel down after the last incident and they behave as of nothing has happened and that we should just accept things without question.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 02/02/2025 04:11

Sounds like they don't believe you and your colleague need to be consulted when changes are made. They're the boss and they call the shots. You're right that it would be nice if you were brought into the conversation but I wouldn't class it as bullying.

if you feel there is some negative impact on you regarding the examples you've given, something more tangible than feeling like you don't matter, then it might be worth bringing that up with this manager. If not, it could make it seem like you're questioning their authority,

littleblackcat247 · 02/02/2025 04:40

Nope - it doesn't sound like bullying.

It sounds like they don't think you're that important

McSpoot · 02/02/2025 06:16

Somehat annoying but not bullying.

converseandjeans · 02/02/2025 07:25

Are you a millennial? Sorry this sounds a bit annoying but not bullying!

lilytuckerpritchet · 02/02/2025 07:29

The boss can do all those things and it's not bullying but it is annoying and creates a unhappy workplace

Yabadabadooooo · 02/02/2025 07:30

converseandjeans · 02/02/2025 07:25

Are you a millennial? Sorry this sounds a bit annoying but not bullying!

Are you a boomer?

Yabadabadooooo · 02/02/2025 07:30

Not bullying, just as pps said, inconvenient.

Dunkou · 02/02/2025 07:34

It's not bullying.

Do you have 1-1s with them? Bring up the equipment being moved / given away and ask if in future it could be discussed with you. Give reasons why you do need the equipment in the room / a piece of equipment each.

Not sure what the problem is with them being in your area or why they have to give a reason.

Original poster
xsquared · 02/02/2025 08:06

littleblackcat247 · 02/02/2025 04:40

Nope - it doesn't sound like bullying.

It sounds like they don't think you're that important

That is exactly it. They don't think we're important.

Not sure what the problem is with them being in your area or why they have to give a reason.

The thing with them being in our area is that it's happened more and more, and it feels like surveillance. Their giving us reason when we haven't asked suggests they have an ulterior motive.

They have a pattern of not only taking things from us without asking, they've taken things from another department as well. They have a pattern of lying as well. In fact, they are currently on a PIP, and I wonder whether what they're doing to us is just power play.

The reason why I ask of it's covert bullying or maybe the start of it is because we have had a high turnover of staff in our team, who all left because them.

OP posts:
muddyford · 02/02/2025 08:09

Not bullying, just a nuisance.

Original poster
xsquared · 02/02/2025 08:15

Okay, I'll put my big girl's pants on and grit my teeth and get on with things, and perhaps look for a new job.

I'll still bring it up with our workplace counsellor though.

OP posts:
CorsicaDreaming · 02/02/2025 08:25

If you are working with students I'm assuming academia. I'd talk to your Dean, Associate Dean or head of Operations. Ask for it to be confidential.

If there's already high staff turnover and the person is on a PIP it sounds likely you are one piece of an unhappy jigsaw caused by this person. They need to know to be able to do something effective about it. If no one speaks up, no one can act on it.

If it was me I'd go to the Dean now. But it depends on the kind of Dean you've got. You need someone high up who you trust will do their best to make it better.

SabandBraddy · 02/02/2025 08:27

Perhaps part of their PIP is that they need to be more visible, hence the increase in visits

Perhaps part of their PIP is dealing with teams who feel every decision needs to be run by them and green lighted before they can make a move. If one of my teams needed more storage, I’m not sure I would ask for their permission to give them more storage before I requested it.

Equipment is tricky. I have teams who each have “something” that they don’t necessarily need and could be shared. Legacy of old management who couldn’t say no. When new staff come in I am sure to set expectations that moving forward they won’t have their own “thing” - however conversely they may need one to themselves at the beginning for training where as established team members don’t

If a team insists or expects to be consulted for consensus on every management decision things stagnate very quickly

CorsicaDreaming · 02/02/2025 08:28

I probably would not go in saying bullying. I'd be more factual. List with approx dates all the incidents there have been and specify how that's affected your ability to work effectively and/or made you feel disrespected or belittled, and how it also impacts the student experience if relevant.

Original poster
xsquared · 02/02/2025 08:34

Okay I won't use the word bullying.

The thing with this piece of IT equipment is that we do need it to work with our students. Without it makes our jobs very inefficient and ineffective

The movement of the equipment needed to be authorised with IT, which I know they didn't do!

OP posts:
CorsicaDreaming · 02/02/2025 08:41

I think I'd raise it with someone as high up as you can who you trust / have got a good feeling about.

I've got a colleague who's shouting at staff to a point of leaving them in tears now - gone on for months. That's bullying in my book. Buggering about with equipment without that nasty interpersonal element is really annoying and could be a Dignity at Work issue, but I'm not sure it's full on bullying. Your place may have a policy on it.

If lots are Leaving now - should be home by sounds like it's worse than just that though?

Key is to find someone with the most authority to deal with it you feel happy talking to in confidence.

jjblack · 02/02/2025 08:41

converseandjeans · 02/02/2025 07:25

Are you a millennial? Sorry this sounds a bit annoying but not bullying!

You do realise that some millennials are now in their 40s. Don't use a term if you don't understand it.

CorsicaDreaming · 02/02/2025 08:43

@jjblack - yes I thought that was a bit of a random comment too?!

ThisOliveMember · 02/02/2025 08:46

Thing is it’s not YOUR area. It’s a workplace and you have to use it as your employer or owner of the space thinks it’s best used. Regardless of how you feel about it. It’s most definitely not bullying.

Original poster
xsquared · 02/02/2025 08:56

ThisOliveMember · 02/02/2025 08:46

Thing is it’s not YOUR area. It’s a workplace and you have to use it as your employer or owner of the space thinks it’s best used. Regardless of how you feel about it. It’s most definitely not bullying.

The issue is that it feels like surveillance and that he seems to be interfering.

OP posts:
ThisOliveMember · 02/02/2025 09:05

xsquared · 02/02/2025 08:56

The issue is that it feels like surveillance and that he seems to be interfering.

Show quote history

He’s allowed to survey you if you work for him.

Believe me, I worked for a man who had eight CCTV cameras focused on me, entrances, snack areas, etc. He’s allowed to do it. It might not feel right but as an employer he can do it.

Original poster
xsquared · 02/02/2025 13:01

ThisOliveMember · 02/02/2025 09:05

He’s allowed to survey you if you work for him.

Believe me, I worked for a man who had eight CCTV cameras focused on me, entrances, snack areas, etc. He’s allowed to do it. It might not feel right but as an employer he can do it.

Show quote history

He doesn't own the space either but it is allocated to us as that is where we work with our students.

The surveillance thing. It is closer to say head of department and senior management coming in to sit in ans observe lessons, without prior notice, staying for a few hours in some cases and done a few times a week. I thought they had something more pressing to do than hang out with those on the lowest rung of the ladder

OP posts:
Original poster
xsquared · 02/02/2025 13:02

Anyway, I suppose you are all right in that it's not bullying but the Dignity at work thing does ring a bell.

OP posts:
RoseofRoses · 02/02/2025 13:09

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GermanBite · 02/02/2025 13:29

Why do you know that they are on a PIP? Did they tell you?