What to say in meeting?

[bossbossbaby]

A manager several layers above me has asked to have a meeting with each member of our team. Not said what it's about.

Our team has had a difficult 18 months, with several people leaving and a formal complaint about the direct manager. This complaint seems to have been swept under the carpet. I didn't make the complaint, but did think it was justified.

Things seem calmer now although I don't know if it will last.

I'm trying to second guess the purpose of the meeting. I really don't want to be put on the spot and asked about the direct manager because if I was honest (& reflected on the difficult period) this might get fed back to my manager, which would make life very difficult. But if there's a problem in future and I've said everything is awesome, that won't help me then.

What would you do?

I’m in a similar situation! We have a relatively new boss who is frankly too inexperienced to do their job. They are pretty condescending, dont support the team and workload has increased four fold as they don’t prioritise and ask us to do things that makes no business sense. Everything is urgent and important and need to explore all avenues ( whereas her direct reports are experienced, been there and done that and know that is urgent and important). This manager also had a complaint against them but the person was managed out. I’m thinking of putting in a grievance on Monday as I can’t go on! It’s affecting my mental health and this manager needs serious mentoring to help them improve though I know they are not going anywhere . My advice would to be honest in a constructive way of what you’ve observed if it’s about the manager in question and suggest a solution. My situation has gone past that as this manager is targeting me so I have to put the big girls pants on and put the grievance in. Hope it will add weight to the issue with the manager!

I'm so sorry @Didigotoofar that sounds rubbish. It sounds like you have no other option than to put a grievance in. How easy will it be for you to change jobs if needed? Do you think others would back you up in your grievance?

I'm not sure what to suggest to put things right. IMO manager isn't equipped to be a manager and I'm not sure any amount of training would change that.

Jobs used to be easy to Come by but not sure now -
seem people in my line of work looking for work. It is a worrying time but if I don’t do something for the team of what this manager is like, then they’ll keep creating the toxic environment it’s become.

@bossbossbaby - if you are asked about the manager, you could specifically start by saying "I'm very worried about potential reprisal from them if I say anything so can you reassure me everything I tell you will be treated in confidence and will not get back to them?"

This is also good because it shows how much the level of bullying is affecting staff and that what the senior manager has actually been told might be the tip of the iceberg because people are too frightened to come forward. This is often the case once you get into bullying situations.

I personally would write down everything I thought and have notes so that I could look at them because I find once I'm in the situation of the face-to-face meeting like that, my trains of thought (that seemed so clear when I was talking with my partner or thinking about it myself) I will forget. So that could be worth doing - and it might help clarify your thoughts about how good or bad the situation really is too, so help you decide what to say.

if I was honest (& reflected on the difficult period) this might get fed back to my manager,

It's good to prepare yourself for this meeting, which does indeed sound as if it might be intended to gauge the current feeling amongst the team and could maybe have positive impact on the organisation.

One way to provide feedback which is honest while minimising any risk to yourself is to focus on the way you felt about things that you might mention, for example

When <the manager> suggested I stand on my head I felt unsure of myself as standing on my head is beyond my current skill set and was was disappointed with my ability to respond to their request. My request for training was turned down flat.

aka manager makes unreasonable demands, noone can blame you for feeling asked to do things beyond your current capabilities.

That is obviously a made up example but I hope it gets you into thinking about what really going wrong. On top of this approach I'd definitely agree about seeking assurances that anything you raise will be kept confidential and not shared with the manager for fear of reprisals.

All the best.