What's a mum to do? Full time/part time dilemma [hmm]

[ginnyweeze]

I have kids of eight and four and up to a year ago I worked three days a week, but was bored with my job.

I'd had to battle my boss to cut my hours from full time and suspected I was on the 'mummy track', never getting promoted and overtaken by less able men!

So, when the chance of volunteering for redundancy came along, I jumped at it.

I immediately landed freelance work and have had a constant stream of work ever since. It's really taking off now, in fact a bit too much. As it's freelance I don't like to turn work away, so some weeks I work four or five days. The nature of my work means I don't get home until late at night. DH picks the kids up from school, but I hate not being around for to make tea, put them to bed etc. I should really cut back to three days again.

Don't think I'm a selfish careerist. We need the money and my husband's career has been patchy, so I need to go on working.

Now, here's my dilemma. Someone has asked if I'd be interested in a permanent job. BUT it's four days a week (nights really). On the one hand I'd like regular work, a pension, sick pay and private health care. My career might even progress. But I also think the kids need me and I think three days at work should be the limit. I asked if they would consider three days, but they won't.

I know one of the other people I work for is also close to offering a job, so do I propose a three day week there, then play off one offer against the other to get what I want? How do I do this (women are notoriously bad at this stuff).

What kills me is that if I was a man I wouldn't have this dilemma, I'd just take the job. I am ambitious, the freelance work has proved to me that I'm far better at my job than many people, I find it intellectually stimulating and I want to do well.

I also love my kids and want to be around for them. I've looked into finding more 'social' hours, but that's not the nature of my work.

What's a mum to do?

Have you considered your DH taking on a more part time role since his career has been patchy as you described? Sounds like you are very much in demand and could achieve a great deal.

I do feel for you and this dilemma - I work p/t from home and have been applying for f/t posts as I think its the only way to really get up the career ladder. The idea will be for us both to work f/t for a year or so and see how I progress and then look at dh cutting back as patchy is a great way to describe my DH's career.

Sorry for the waffle but haing thought long and hard about this I think the person with the greatest earning potential should work full time and the other parent take on the part time role.

Thanks Connie.

We did try this when our first child was a baby. DH was a house-husband for a year. But it's hard for a man to be at home all the time. He lost a lot of status as people just thought he was unemployed and he's not a domestic god - I still had to do the washing!

In an ideal world the person with the greatest earning potential would work f/t. BUT I also believe children need their mums around, more than their dads, at least some of the time. All the ills of the world seem to be caused by mums not being there and I feel guilty for that!

I can't win because I want to work, but not all hours of the day and night!

It's still a man's world.

I agree with Connie, let your DH take on more responsibility with the kids. Should be quite straightforward if they are both school-age and you can be the main breadwinner. Nothing wrong with that - the "traditional" role doesn't sound like it appeals to you too much and of course you BOTH have to think of your status, not just your man's.

If the other job was offered at 3 days a week, would you take it? Or is the appeal of the first job much greater?

If you stay freelance, I suspect you'll struggle to contain the work to three days, as you've found so far. So you're not really choosing to increase your workload if you accept the 4 days a week job.

If you did persuade them to drop to 3 days a week, you'd have to be confident you didn't end up on another mummy track. There seems to be a massive difference in companys' minds between 3 days and 4 days working, in how promotable you then become. It's not right, but it's been my experience.