Am I wrong to go off sick?

[HollyPollyMolly]

I know this should potentially be in AIBU but I don't think I'm in the right place for the reputation it holds today.

I work in the public sector, middle management with a lot of external stakeholder engagement. I've been here 18 months and from day one, I was given a lot of responsibility and a high workload. I work in a team of mixed grades but I do the same workload as colleagues above my grade and even sometimes, the grade above that. My manager tells me he does this for my development as I am more than capable of applying for the grade above mine.

In the last year, I have lost my Grandad to dementia after 12 months being his carer, my Uncle has late onset dementia, my Grandma almost died of an extreme infection and I have managed all of this, as well as my children and home life, alongside my job.

Since losing my Grandad, I've really struggled. I feel like I'm in a fog constantly and if I'm not crying, I feel completely stressed, overwhelmed and angry.

A colleague who I also consider a friend, has suggested I contact my doctor to be signed off work. Just to see if a break from work helps at all to focus on getting myself better at home. My big fear is they'll just prescribe me medication and due to my health anxiety, I am extremely nervous around taking any form of medication.

Has anyone been in a similar position that can provide any support or guidance at all please?

I apologise for the length of this thread. I tried to include as much detail as possible as not to drip feed!

I mean are you sick?

You can obviously go to the doctor and get signed off if you want. Not sure what you want here.

Ethically its probably wrong, but you won't be the first person in the civil service to do it.

I would certainly see your GP about your mental health. Or whoever has been supporting you with your health anxiety.

Yes, go to your doctor. That's a lot to deal with and not looking after your mental health over an extended period of time can end up doing a lot of damage. Go to your doctor and explain your situation and ask for their advice. And whatever it is, follow it. I hope things become easier for you.

In the mean time, try to concentrate on as good food, good sleep and exercise, or at least having time in fresh air. I also find booking something and having it in the diary to look forward to helpful, as when work is hard or my mind focuses on negative stuff, I have something that I'm looking forward to, to direct my thoughts to.

If you are too unwell to work then you are not unreasonable to take some time off. Only you know of that applies here.

Yes. Take the time off you need to rest mentally, as well as physically. Ethically, there's no issue. Your GP will sign you off.

When is your next lot of annual leave? I'm not sure what a week of sick leave for being stressed will do for you when you've just had a really shitty time of it all, it takes time to heal and recover

I'd be inclined to book a week off and see if that helps reset you, and then have a conversation with you LM about readjusting your tasks to your grades as you are feeling overwhelmed.

@HollyPollyMolly noting your public sector, has anyone mentioned to the Employee Assistance Programme to you. You can use this for occupational assessment as well as counselling. I have used the counselling service when I lost my mum expectedly and had loss of stress afterwards.

You can self certify for a week. Go to the GP within that week and see how it goes

I'm sorry to hear what a tough time you have had. What's important is not to beat yourself up for being human and having feelings at the end of the day.

In the short term you may need a break - and do go off sick if you need to. Longer term, I think it's a good idea to reach out for some help to find a way forward. This could be from work, your GP or elsewhere.

Another thought from me is that you've not given your age, but I wonder if the menopause is contributing to some of this? Feel free to reject this thought if it's not helpful, but from personal experience, my menopause decided to come along just as a whole lot of other shit was happening in my life and my god, the brain fog was debilitating. If it is a contributing factor, HRT might be an alternative to anxiety medication.

Why is it ethically wrong? OP sounds mentally exhausted and burned out unsurprisingly. This should be seen as any other illness.

OP definitely speak to a GP but you can self certify for a week and see how you feel.

Take some sick leave, OP. In the long view of your working life, being signed off for a few weeks to recover from exhaustion and burnout is absolutely a wise decision. Your gp can't force you to take any medication you don't want to, and maybe you could ask to be referred for some counselling as to talk through the multiple stresses and losses you've experienced. Or you might just need a break to rest, find your way back to yourself. I think of it as pulling into a layby for a while, to get your strength back. You'll pull back into the traffic when you're ready. Good luck and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you so much for lovely and supportive comments, I honestly didn't expect so much kindness from strangers.

I have used the Employee Assistance Programme in the past and they offered an online portal type CBT course, but you don't actually speak to anyone so I didn't find it that useful because I just felt like I was filling in a worksheet and getting no support.

I used all my leave when my Grandad was in hospital to be with him, so I don't have any left until May when my leave year renews, so I don't have the option to take some leave for a break unfortunately.

I think I'm going to book an appointment with my GP and go from there. I'm sick of feeling rubbish!