Would it be madness to resign?

[SigmaFreud]

I’ve been with my employer a very long time and have been working towards a promotion which has been heavily implied I would get. I’ve really put my all into my work at times putting it ahead of my own wellbeing but I’ve found out that I’m not getting the promotion two other people with less experience than me are. In addition to this I’ve been told by my boss that she doesn’t think I have what it takes despite the fact she relies heavily on me to take on her responsibilities all the time and has never once had a bad word to say about my work. Naturally I’m angry and disappointed and am actively seeking a new role. But I find that I really do not want to go back. Would it be madness to resign before I secure another job? I work in a professional service industry and the pool is fairly small so I don’t want to risk them not giving me a reference.

I've been in a similar position, and whilst it's really not nice and my confidence took a huge knock, dont resign before securing something else. Do evaluate what you're doing at work though and push back and back away from stuff that's not your level or remit that was seeping in over time to try and help with promotion.

I agree with @Mollysay to stay until you find a new job but just concentrate on doing your role. No point in doing your boss' tasks as well, she can delegate them to those who got promoted.

thanks for your reply. It’s only a week and half since I found all this out and it’s really affecting me I’ve sat all day thinking how I want to do anything other than go back and keep working for someone who thinks so little of me. I hear what you’re saying about pulling back, the difficulty is because I’ve stepped up so much clients come directly to me now so I can’t just ignore them. But I have been directing trainees to my boss instead of shielding her from their numerous queries!

I understand the urge to resign must be strong ( I would feel the same) but I wouldn’t do it, secure the next job first, I think it’s easier to get a job when you already have one, also take your time to make sure you get the best job that you can get and don’t rush into anything

Keep working but do the bare minimum from here onwards and do not let your boss lean on you anymore. Do not resign to make a point but do keep your CV updated and regularly check online for better opportunities elsewhere.

Have a couple of sick days and use the time to apply for jobs

You're probably not getting promoted because the people above can see that you're already acting in your "promoted" role without needing to give you a pay increase.
Use your experiences in this role to find a better higher grade job at a different company. Screw em.

I’ve resigned a couple of times without having something lined up. Work your notice. As long as you have savings which can tide you over for a bit I say do it. Very liberating.

Just because clients expect you doesn't mean you can't pass them up. You owe these people nothing.

Chuck in a few sick days and get applying like mad for a new job

I quietly quit over many months and found myself a new job with more hours, mainly WFH, more support. I had a couple of weeks of leave between the jobs and feel smug looking back now.
OP don't let them win, do your job at the basic level and apply elsewhere. It's their loss!

You may be taking this too personally. Most people who go for promotion get knocked back at least once.

She said you don't have the capability to do the job but you are training the "trainees"?

She doesn't want to lose the person she dumps her work on. Look for another job but stay where you are. Until you get one!

Nobody has given a damn about references for 10 - 15 years now, so don’t worry about that. But I wouldn’t resign without a new job lined up. If it takes you a while to get something and you’re struggling in the meantime, you’ll just end up feeling more resentful.

Thanks everyone for your help

The thing is you may well not have what it takes for the next step up if you are working so much it affects your wellbeing. Promoting someone who promptly ends up in burnout isn't a good move either.

Work on a better and more appropriate work/life balance, then apply somewhere else. You'll get better raises moving organisation.

Where do you work, the war?

Don't resign without another job to go to. If you can take a few days off and apply like mad elsewhere. Remain professional. You will come across your colleagues again when you move as no doubt they will move too in future.

I get this is really tough but you are tough enough to do it.

I suspect you are adding too much value in your current job by picking up her work and training the trainees. She dangled the carrot of promotion to make you do more but realises she'd struggle to replace you.

Stick to your job, don't do all the extras, refer people to her, stick to your hours, have a few sick days and find another job.

Bosses who pretty much promise promotion then go back on their word and tell you you're not ready for it or not good enough deserve to be dumped. They're not good managers and can't be trusted. She'll have you jumping through hoops again the next time there is a chance of promotion. Fuck that.

You are hurting. Don't resign, apply for that promotional job and say you've been doing it all for xx months already. Only resign once new job secured. That'll be the perfect slap in their face.

Have you had feedback beyond "haven't got what it takes"

You might be very competent at operational work, but they obviously think there are some skillsets missing- strategic thinking, people managing, conflict management..... they should be able to tell you something more specifically. It might be you need to either develop these skills or if you have them make them more visible.

Either way resigning before you have your next job lined up might feel good, but for most people not in their best interests.

I would quiet quit and use the spare time to aggressively job hunt