Coping with Work-related Anger

[sortaottery]

The management in my branch of a large organisation has a history of being very frustrating. Circular reasoning and 'but thou must' is a thing with them.

This afternoon, a manager (not my manager, someone from the Marketing team) , when I (gently) queried a process that was having a negative effect on his team and on the ostensible goals of his department gave a 'we have discussed this and decided that things are good' answer. No 'we did this because...'

I find I'm dwelling on it way too much. The circular reasoning seems to be producing a kind of circular rage on my part. Ironically, I chose my current (admin-officer-type) job because it wouldn't be likely to make me feel overly responsible or engaged.

I just want to put it out of my head and go to sleep. It's a bit shameful when I think of the people in the NHS whose jobs involve daily huge levels of responsibility for things that matter (i.e. people's health, happiness and welfare), who manage better than I am over this very trivial thing.

I've tried ironing ( + audiobook), reading, and watching a TV show to distract myself, but I keep going back to it and the trail of hurt feelings that mismanagement has created. Now I'm moving on to drinking, which I know is a terrible way to cope with bad stuff.

Have you experienced similar? What are your methods for dealing with it and getting your head free of this nonsense?

Sometimes thinking whether xyz issue would be important (or have an impact, say) 10 years from now - if it would not be important in 10 years time, then it isn't worth worrying about now.

Also, if you are worrying about the impact on other staff, then ask yourself - are they themselves worried enough about the issue to take action for themselves - if they aren't, then it probably does not warrant you giving it headspace.

Or allow yourself 5 minutes to write down all the rage or whatever you feel to see of that helps you process things and get it out of your system

Or try doing something a little mentally challenging, like some puzzles to force your brain to focus on something else to create a bit of mental distance.

Do you have a commute or some sort of break that you can use to as a sort of transition between work and home life?

Or could you channel the mental energy of your "dwelling on things" into physical energy, may be at the gym or on a wall/run.

Hopefully, others will be along to give you other suggestions.

Fingers crossed you can find something that helps.

I get that is frustrating not to feel heard. When I am spiralling into overthinking about work I find it helps to keep reminding myself what is important in life - my health and my family and that if I left my job tomorrow they probably wouldn't even notice.

All the advice as above.

No one else cares and you caring changes nothing.

If you want to get it out of your head in the long term. Stop caring (easier said than done) or action to solve the problem.

What about giving them a considered , simple well thought through process that could solve the issue.

So current result is x which impact y
If I changed this and y changed one thing it would save 50% of the time enabling me and them to do more useful work.

Work doesn't take you personally, don't take work personally.

If they ignore your solution -let it go.

Thank you @VivX , you're advice is very helpful. Re: writing things down. Actually, even as I was typing my original post, I felt some of the poison evaporate and the nervous tensions go out of me. I was able to get to sleep not long afterwards.

I walk to and from work every day (1 hour in each direction) and that normally helps. I think after deeply irritating days like yesterday, in an ideal world I'd try and get some more strenuous cardio in. That isn't possible right now, but it's something I'll note for the future.

Actually, I think one of the things that really got to me yesterday was that it mostly went quite well – working with conscientious, decent people from various teams and getting stuff done. So when the death of a thousand cuts resumed in the form of the manager yesterday, it just felt so unnecessary. OK, outbreak of ranting over! 😅

Mental puzzles are a nice idea. I have occasional bouts of computer gaming, which I think could have a similar effect (I mostly play RPG and strategy).

Thanks @SilverGlitterBaubles. Yeah, I've seen how smoothly workplaces move on from people leaving, however hard they worked or crucial they thought they were. It's really not worth the frustration.

It’s just a job, you win some lose some.
Even if you have power of a CEO, nothing you do will matter in 5 years.

I’ve just come to terms with the fact that a lot of places have management that are incompetent and thick.

Thanks @Shannith.

I work in a very hierarchical organisation currently. To give you an idea of what it's like, I took myself off to see Conclave in the cinema as a laugh this morning, because the idea of the cardinals locking themselves away from all external contact to choose the next Pope reminded me of how decision-making happens at work.

I'm trying to find a job elsewhere, and also learning how to be better at not caring.

Yes, I've been spoiled by the jobs I did before this one, which were in a different environment (a lovely but very low-paying one, which discouraged grifters, but wasn't great if you didn't want to live in a caravan and subside on baked beans and porridge your whole life).

I’m so glad you are trying to find another job. Life is too short to put up with pervasive frustration at work and poor management. I hope you get another post soon that is more peaceful and satisfying.

Thank you!! <3