Bullied in NHS

[Colourmeworried]

Hello,

I’m just posting on here to see if anyone else is in the same boat or has experienced anything similar. I’m working in the NHS in a admin role and I’m being bullied by my manager. I know that sounds quite sad as I’m in my thirties but this grown woman in her 50s is literally ruining my life. I am SO miserable and every time I try to move jobs - I’m either held back because the hiring manager speaks to my current manager - or I’m simply not good enough.

My team consists of 4 people ( 2 who are LTFT ) and I’m the one who is constantly picked on nothing is ever good enough. Despite being in the role almost 5 years and having had over 10 managers ( high turnover over managers for a reason) but this one has been the worst!

Saddest thing is I am highly educated but stuck in a position due to life commitments but no one deserves to be bullied or treated so poorly?

any advice?
please don’t say contact HR I did and they are not for the people they are there to protect the NHS and don’t start me on Unison.

Do you have a freedom to speak guardian within the trust?
I would explore and approach if hr has not been helpful or speak to your managers manager.

Thank you for your response! Omg! I tried my freedom guardian and the person never got back to me?! I have already had an informal meeting with my managers manager and at that point I said I didn’t want to make a complaint. I have requested another meeting today because i feel violently sick after the way she spoke to me today. No matter what I do, it’s never enough. She constantly reminds me of my banding and uses it in such a derogatory manner.

I would suggest just keeping a log of these instances in case you ever need them.

Is your manager admin or a nurse manager, are there witnesses to her abuse, saying that no one ever sticks up for you in the nhs anymore. Would you be happier elsewhere, maybe medical secretary.

And tell her you'd like to record your interactions, what does she criticise about your banding, what's her job title

I'm sorry you're in this situation, it sounds awful.

If you've been there 5 years you'll have lots of experience.
Does your Trust have an admin Bank? If so could you sign up to that and leave your substantive post to just do Bank work for a while? Then you can look for another permanent post after a few months and you won't need to use her for a reference.

I have kept record of these instances and have already met with her manager previously. But silly me fell for the nice act and I forgot saving and logging incidences. Now the fake nice act has dropped and it’s started again. She’s very sly, in emails directly to be she’s aggressive but if I respond with someone copied in her tone changes. But the phone calls are the worst - because they aren’t recorded she feels comfortable speaking to me in a condescending manner. There is so much more but I’m sacred my posts will be found and used against me :-( I’m taking everyone’s suggestions on board and will try to do all this and I am praying I get out because it’s taking it’s toll on me.

Remembers emails directly to you can be used as evidence. Even if deleted they are retrievable on nhs systems

Forward all her direct emails to her manager.
Perdue complaint and raise a grievance.

Could you record her phone conversations with you on your own phone?

Either Don't respond to her emails, you can forward them to her manager or blind copy her manager if you do want to respond, you need a paper trail.

Honestly the NHS is rife with bullying. Have been going on for decades. And in my experience they are very poor at handling it. Try and look for a job outside the NHS if you can, or in a different Trust/provider.

@Colourmeworried first 💐or perhaps 🍷?

Bullying can occur at any age and all walks of life. Sometimes people are just dicks. First I would advise taking care of you - what does this look like to you? Can you consider sick leave? Second, are you part of a union? If not talk to ACAS who will be able to support you.

Out of interest is she doing this in front of the others, have you spoken to your colleagues about it? IME, seemingly targeted bullying can be a pattern of behaviour directed at everyone. I see you are recording everything, which is good, you can also do this retrospectively.

As you've 5 years under your belt you have lots of experience and admin roles are always in demand so you could use the sick leave to apply for other jobs whilst you allow yourself time to heal. Or, you say you are educated, I'm assuming degree level? If so, is it time to reconsider career paths? Maybe retrain?

And last, because I think this is really important, especially when we can end up ruminating about why someone is mean, some people really are just dicks. Maybe next time when you see her, visualise her as a great big dick 😁

Haha, you guys are really funny, sweet and supportive. I’ve spent the evening in tears. But these posts have cheered me up. Thank you.

I don’t want to expose my identity ( yes I’m that paranoid because I feel like she’s always watching me) but I actually have the degree you get after a masters..3 letters. If you get what I mean.

I’ve been looking for almost a year plus and as mentioned previously I feel like I’m always kept back or just not good enough. Maybe I should try outside the NHS. It’s such a shame because before she became my manager I actually enjoyed my work even if previous managers were problematic I wasn’t being bullied. I feel so pathetic that I let someone who I don’t respect because I really don’t, treat me and make me feel so shitty and inadequate. My role is hybrid and quite chaotic but today genuinely took the mick. I missed her call and when I returned it she went off on a tangent about where she never knows where I am. When I had been emailing her and other colleagues in that time frame. This is just one example it gets a lot worse. Again, fear of exposing myself.

If anyone knows of any good websites or remote jobs or anything please do share because I’m at breaking point and really can’t afford to be out of work.

Again, thank you for your advice and guidance. I truly appreciate it.

i am so sorry you are going through this.

this is not your fault- it's not you- bullying is endemic in the NHS.

please do look at the grievance policy and make sure you log all instances.

Do you always apply for jobs within your trust? What about moving trusts?

I've worked for 8 different Trusts (I'm old!) and some are better than others though it is astonishing how one bad apple can destroy a department. And the bullying and HR incompetence have definitely got worse over the last 20 years. The other thing I've seen get worse and worse is the quality of many of the managers now being recruited, particularly where there is no actual specialism or regular accreditation process necessary to hold a job (gosh HR is that you again?!).

Maybe think about applying for jobs at a different Trust where your manager will be unknown and won't be able to play the nicey nicey pretense act? Or maybe try the Civil service? I am so sorry you're going through this, out of curiosity are you in a union? (Though the local reps for the one I'm in are about as much use as a marzipan teapot... like a chocolate teapot but dissolves in the rain.)

And yes, I'm going through something similar with our incompetent, hypocritical, lead-swinging, elusive, bone idle, and often bare faced liar of a manager; contemplating submitting a grievance in the next few weeks. I have files of examples of their behaviour (having been told by HR not to cater evidence) going back to just after this time next year and even then I sometimes think is it enough, along with, shall I just give in and look for another job. Right now I'm not the only one in the team praying they'll p*ss off and become someone else's problem and there are now several people on the verge of going off sick.

Hi OP. I was in the NHS in a middle manager role and left in 2009 due to bullying. I had only been in the service for a few years and I felt the private sector would be a better fit so I decided to resign before I was taken hostage by the pension! Best thing I ever did even though it felt risky at the time. I am married so I had a partner to support me but I found a contractor role in healthcare and went self employed. I now own a care company. I don't know your specific situation but what I'd say is life is too short and don't give away your power.

It doesn’t sound sad at all. I volunteer in the NHS and it seems a bullying envt. Have you told them what you find unacceptable and asked them to stop. The easiest solution is to move asap. A formal complaint is another option. They have probably done it before and will do it again. But you may just want to get out. Good luck. You don’t deserve it

Sorry other thing, if you are not already start keeping a log of all calls and what was said with dates as times

Oh and in certain trusts promotion isn't given based on how good you are but if your face fits. In fact, being competent and caring about outcomes can even go against you and you certainly can't be too clever or outspoken (I am the latter) because that's too much. It was a stifling time.

If she's a bully, you won't be the only one targeted. Have you spoken to other staff members? Keeping a log is a good plan.

I have been in this position OP my advice is just to apply for anything and everything to get yourself out of there

iv been a square peg in a round hole in our Trust for over 20 years.

no one likes a female ( particularly other females) who calls out toxic behaviour.

also RCN and Unison can often be in bed with the Trust .

my experience is that the GMB are better.