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Original poster

When's the "best" time to go back after mat leave?

15 replies

HormonesAGogo · 05/05/2008 18:34

Hi, I was planning to go back to work when my dd is 7 months old, in August, but now I'm already feeling anxious about it and worrying she's too little to leave at nursery at that age, plus I want to continue bf until she's 1. We could afford for me to stay off work for about another 2 months, but then she'll be 9 months and I've heard that around this age babies can get more "clingy" in which case returning to work and leaving her in nursery will be even more traumatic! When, betweek 7 and 12 months, do you think is a good time to go back to work? (It is of course possible that it's me that's clingy not her, as I had a v traumatic birth with her and have a lot of guilt from that to overcome.) Any advice/experiences of returning and leaving a little one behind gratefully received I'm feeling sooooo guilty already....

OP posts:

guineamango · 05/05/2008 19:27

It really is hard I do understand you have my sympathy. I really didn't want to return to work! But I went back when my dd was 11 months old and had just started a clingy phase. The nursery staff were great and she only cried when I was there as soon as I left she was fine. Hard for us mums, but once we are gone they are generally quite happy so much to entertain them at nursery! It used to be me sobbing in the car on the way to work!
I BF till my dd decided to stop at 12 months old, by then I would feed her first and last thing.
If I were you I'd take all the time you can with your dd, you will wish you had once you begin life as working mummy! The guilt fades a bit but never totally goes. But I know how happy my dd is at nursery and that keeps me going! Good luck

jivegirl · 05/05/2008 19:37

I had similar dilemma - I put DD into nursery 1 day a week at 9 months (so I could do some freelancing when on mat leave!!). Thought I was doing the right thing keeping her at home with me for longer, but she became very clingy and didn't seem to enjoy nursery at all.

At 12 months though I increased it to 3 days as I went back to work proper - and the extra 2 days really seemed to make a difference. She stopped being so clingy (she used to burst into tears when we collected her!) and now at nearly 2 I practically have to prise her away.

Not sure if it was an age thing, a 'number of days' thing or just the fact that she got used to it, but I think if I was going through it again I would make the decision that's right for my working arrangements and stick by it through the guilt - knowing it WILL get better!

Good luck!

Claire

cockles · 05/05/2008 19:45

If you can avoid it, I do think 7 months is too young for nursery. I would postpone it til 9 months since you can. Yes, separation anxiety will be kicking in, but babies differ, andwhenever you go back will be really hard at first on both of you. Also at 9 months she might be more independent of breastfeeding - at 7 months she will only just be eating and not enough to miss feeds. Good luck

ExtraFancy · 05/05/2008 20:00

I think a lot depends on the baby. Mine started at nursery 2 days a week when he was 8mo - he's been there a month, and so far we've had no problems with tears/being unsettled. touches wood

I'm also breastfeeding, but he won't take a bottle, so he has a feed in the morning and one when I pick him up at 5pm. He eats lots of solid food so I'm not too worried about his milk intake being a bit lower for two days a week - and he makes up for it at night

There'll never be a 'best' time for you, but it will get easier! Good luck

Judy1234 · 05/05/2008 20:16

Earlier can be better for the baby as they get used to a routine sooner - I went back fast even though I was breastfeeding but I expressed milk at work and they were fed my milk in the day. But they had a nanny at home, not a nursery.

alfiesbabe · 06/05/2008 18:44

I think a lot depends on the baby (and mum!) but as a general rule I think babies do tend to become more clingy once they're about 9/10 months. I've noticed with a number of my colleagues who have taken the full 12 months maternity leave, that they seem to have a lot more trouble settling their children with nursery/CM than I did with mine (with dc1 I returned when she was 3 months as maternity leave was way shorter then!). I found it quite physically demanding, but I'm sure it was better for her. BTW, don't worry about still bf, loads of mums go back to work and continue bf. Good luck

EdieMcredie · 10/05/2008 09:05

ExtraFancy-I need to talk to you-my 7 month DD goes to nursery next month and won't take a bottle either!! (Sorry for hyjack)

I need some advice!!

elkiedee · 12/05/2008 00:44

My ds settled brilliantly with a CM at 10 months, cried a bit the first 3 days, now he doesn't want to leave and is very happy when he gets there.

Are you going back full or part time?

solo · 12/05/2008 00:54

I went back to work full time after my Ds when he was 16 weeks. I had no problem doing it and he was with my parents, so I had no worries there. He's now 9.9yo.
I had Dd in Dec 06 and took a years mat leave and am currently taking a career break as I felt that I missed out so much with my son. I have to say that I'm really glad I've taken this extra time with my baby girl. I love it and also my Ds loves having me at home for him too.
My parents can't care for my Dc's now and I am finding that cm's are not cheap! and I haven't seen one that'll take kids from 05.45 until 20.00hours 4 days a week and possibly alternate weekends! This also added to the decision to take time out...You can't get that time back with the little ones! Think carefully and good luck!

Caz10 · 14/05/2008 12:05

I'm going back for 2 weeks when DD is 6mths, then off for school summer hols and back FT 6 weeks later...I feel it's too early but we are stuck financially...she won't take a bottle either......anyway just wanted to say to EdieMcredie I've been getting some good hints on a thread here

Pinkveto · 14/05/2008 12:14

I chose 8-9 moths so I could get LO well weaned (stopped breast as well as onto food, as shift working so extended BF not an option really).

She was fine initally being dropped off (? because daddy was doing it?) but now at 15 months gets very upset. I know shes fine, crept back to the door after 3 minutes this morning and she was fine. She has always been fine when picked up. She goes 3 days a week.

Note of caution, we did "introductory days".

Only thing about that is you have a snotty/sick baby for several weeks before you go back. That was Oct last year.

Caz10 · 14/05/2008 12:16

Oh d'oh EM you are there already, sorry!

CatIsSleepy · 14/05/2008 12:22

I went back at 9 months, dd was not clingy at all at that point (though am sure babies must vary alot in this respect)
and she was quite happy to be left with the childminder (I did some short settling in sessions for about 3 weeks beforehand).
It did seem to be easier for me and dd than some of my friends who took a whole year, as someone else has said.
Actually I had been intending to go back at 7 months but tbh it was me that was not ready, not dd!

CJMommy · 14/05/2008 12:24

I have to go back to work when my little one is 7 months old (full time). Would stay off longer if I could and would love to have to first year off but just not financially viable. I do feel guilty but have no option. If you want to take longer and it is financially viable, do it! are you going back full time? Could you go back part time initially? We're doing 'introductory'sessions at nursery so hopefully they will help.

fridayschild · 15/05/2008 14:02

If it helps cheer you up, can you budget to take some parental leave after you have been back at work for a bit?

I found it quite easy to leave DS1 at 6 months but I find harder now they are older. I think you will get the clingy phase when it comes, whether you have been leaving them before then or not.

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