Single parent.. hate my job.. mum guilt.. do I quit??

[cluelessgirly]

I honestly just need to vent..

I've hit breaking point and I don't know what to do :(
So rewind 2 years ago.. me and my child's dad split when baby was 8 months old.

I went back to work full time, and have done everything I possibly can to keep me and my child afloat financially.

My son is now nearly 3, and honestly, the guilt of working full time is just becoming too much for me to handle. I miss him, SO SO much. It breaks my heart..
I literally work to pay for a mortgage on a house I will need to sell eventually anyway, and for someone else to look after my child whilst I'm at work.. I don't have extra for us to enjoy, I struggle, but I get by.
I don't have an amazing job. I'm not on a career path.. I feel like the mornings and evenings are a rush, and never quality time with my son as it's so minimal. Then every other weekend he's at his dad's.. I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

Being off over Christmas hasn't helped me hate this situation more. I want to get out of working full time, I want to sell the house and rent somewhere smaller for us, I want to spend more time with my son than I do working for what feels like no point.. but I'm SCARED 😭 has anyone else done this? Where do I start?

My brain honestly wants to quit tomorrow, and go 'you know what, f*ck working in a job that makes you so unhappy, take a 3 month mortgage holiday, put the house on the market, get a part time job, figure it out as you go' but I know that's majorly irresponsible... as if the house doesn't sell, I won't be able to afford it working part time.

I'm trying to stay positive but right now I guess I don't have a plan of action/any idea time wise when I can make our lives better.

Any advice from people is welcome. There must be someone out there who has been through similar?

I would put your house on the market and keep working full time for now, knowing that you are doing it for the greater good 🥰

I literally work to pay for a mortgage on a house I will need to sell

Why will you need to sell it?

Why would you sell your house? Taking yourself off the property ladder when you have a little one to support is madness. Private rents are extortionate, and so insecure. I have a friend who got given notice on her last rental, uprooted her son to another home and school, and has been there six months and been given notice again as the landlord wants to sell. Whilst you have a secure home, do all that you can to keep that security.

At the very least, switch to to a buy to let, and move into a rental property if you dislike the house or want a smaller property. Or downsize to a smaller house. But don't take yourself off the property ladder.

I know it's so hard, but this is only temporary. He'll soon be in school, and nursery/childminder fees will be gone.

If you're unhappy in your job, absolutely look elsewhere. Don't stay where you're not happy.

Make sure you check the entitled to website, to ensure you're claiming all of the financial support that you're entitled to.

You say he's almost three. Check if the school you intend to send him to next year has a nursery, and also whether nursery-aged children can access the after school club, or if there's a childminder that does pick-up. Once he turns 3, you can enrol him into the school nursery (if they have space) the following term and it's free with the 30 free hours.

That'll reduce your childcare bill to only after school club times, or childminder fees for after school time which should save a significant chunk of money. Also, getting him into a school setting 5 days a week might give you some flexibility to look at roles with reduced hours.

Thank you for your advice.

My ex is still on the mortgage, but when it's up for renewal he wants to sell it. I can't afford to remortgage it on my own, and I'm not in a very high paid job so doubt I'll be able to get a mortgage on my own in a smaller property so I think I'm panicking, as I know renting is extortionate but I'll have to do it anyway, and I'll get some help towards my rent I think? If I didn't work full time.

The system is so messed up..

I get all the financial support I can currently, I believe (have done calculators) and most of it is taken away due to me working full time but it still helps me towards paying full time nursery fees.

Interesting point about buy to let.. I didn't even think about this option. Albeit again probably not possible as I couldn't afford this mortgage on my own. Honestly it all just feels overwhelming.

Think I'm just having a wobble and mum guilt is high right now.. my child keeps asking me not to go to work, and says he wants to stay with mummy.. which makes me so sad, as there is nothing more I want than to spend precious time with him and not have this financial strain 😔

Thank you for the advice. You're right, I can't be making any impulse decisions.
It's just so hard sometimes.. when my child asks to stay with mummy and doesn't want me to go to work it makes me so sad and question why I've worked so hard to keep what I thought was 'stability' for us..

Think I'm just having a wobble! Having a job I don't like I think doesn't help.. as it makes it feel harder.

One thing at a time!

Oh I'm sorry, I hadn't realised the implication with the ex on the mortgage.

For the BTL, all you need is 25% of the property's value. In terms of affordability, they don't do a check on you, they just give a minimum amount that the house has to be let at. The only thing to consider there is that you'd still have a mortgage in your name, so probably would prohibit you getting any support for a rental property.

I can totally understand why you'd need to sell in this case. I'm sorry, OP. What a shit position to be in xx

Yes one thing at a time - eventually moving to a cheaper house with cheaper bills will hopefully allow you to follow your dreams and go part- time. Hopefully you can find work hours around your little ones school hours once they are there and you can spend all your time with them after school. Don’t forget to factor in school holiday childcare though 🧐. You are doing an amazing job keeping everything going. Cherish the moments you do get with your little one and stay focused on a better future to keep you motivated x

I'm not sure that I would rent in the current market. Renting is very expensive and so insecure - you can be kicked out of your home with very short notice and you're at the whim of your LL about rent increases. Could you sell your house and buy say a 2-bed flat or smaller property with lower overheads to give you the option of working less?

For the love of God, if things are that tight financially, do not purchase a buy to let.

That might be some of the worst advice I've ever seen on mumsnet.

With recent tax changes, upcoming abolishment of S21, and the fact that you cannot ask a tenant with a broken boiler to wait until you've saved up a bit of cash, this would be financial suicide.

Not to mention the possibility of getting tenants in who then fall on hard times, so you're paying a mortgage and your rent, while forking out thousands to try and get them out.

To do this while on the breadline yourself would be batshit.

Agree with others - don’t buy to let or rent. Sell your house and buy a smaller, cheaper to run house with a manageable mortgage.

Sell the house, by a smaller 2 bed property, flat if need be. Or even use what equity to have to by a shared ownership as you could get universal credit to help pay the rent side of it.

Aw I can empathise OP and you are doing an amazing job.
Rents are crazily expensive so I’d be weary of this and the insecurity as PP’s have said.
Buy to let would be terrible too - it’s not a passive asset, it would add loads of stress with little if any return after tax.

I know you’re worried about getting a new mortgage but would you have a higher deposit than a FTB after selling your current place? You may get a mortgage then.

i think if you could get a smaller cheaper place/mortgage and even drop to 4 days it could make such a difference.