Failing probation: how to turn things around

[BigTubOfLard]

I'm 6 weeks into a 3-month probationary period in an IT company - it's 100% WFH.

I feel like I'm not really clicking with my manager (he's much younger than me and loves to hear the sound of his own voice and show off how much he knows about the products). I spent last week learning a product, reading the documentation and watching some of the training videos (there are perhaps a hundred?) At the end of the week we caught up and I had to demonstrate what I'd learned. At one point he asked, "So, are there any gaps in the documentation". I replied that yes, there were lots and I have made extensive notes on these, but as I haven't watched all the videos yet I don't know what all the gaps are. He then said in an exasperated voice "You don't need to watch all the videos to know that there are gaps!" I was flummoxed. This is just one example where I've felt that I'm just not grasping his meaning correctly (there have been multiple other examples).

I'm more than capable of doing the work, but I know I also need to get on with my manager for him to have confidence in me. I feel like he says X and I hear Y so I end up saying/doing the wrong thing. I've got 6 weeks to turn this around so I can pass probation. Any advice?

It's quite hard to comment based on one comment and some general statements. So risky (for me in that I might get my head bitten off) because you probably aren't going to like some of this!

(a) Has he actually adversely commented on your performance, or is this what you are reading into it? I would expect that there are conversations about how your probation is progressing and any areas required for improvement. Has this happened? If not, ask for some specific feedback like this as you seem to be relying on your interpretation of his opinions.
(b) I would suggest that you fix your attitude. You have been there all of six weeks and you have listed all his faults (including that he is younger than you, which is screaming "so what?" - there are loads of people younger than me but I am not sure what that has to do with anything). If that's how it comes across here you may not be saying what you think of him all that bluntly, but you are assuming he's not aware - he may very well be.
(c)In the example you gave, he asks you whether there are gaps, and your response feels like you are avoiding the question. I don't actually think you meant to, but he didn't ask you to enumerate the gaps or have you finished all the videos, he asked you to tell him if there were any gaps. My response would have been more along the lines of "Yes there are... for example ...... and ..... I think I need to cover off the remaining videos to get an exhaustive assessment. Would you like me to do that, and do you have a deadline in mind for that?" That shows him that you have begun to identify gaps, it gives examples, it pro-actively outlines an approach to take, and asks whether that is what he wants and when he would like it by.
(d) Working from home all the time may have advantages for some people, but it really is much harder to "read" people - Teams/ Zoom give you images but we collect a lot of non-verbal information about people in real life that we cannot collect on computer screens. We can also interpret things in ways they aren't meant, so, for example, if he is working from home he may have sighed because his sixteen year old just walked into the room to get something (sigh) again - after being told not to come in when he's working. Be careful of putting too much confidence in what you think that someone else is thinking. Instead, clarify where you can - "do you want me to give you some examples now or shall I just pop the list I have over?"
(e) If you aren't confident that you understand something the way he means it - say so. You don't have to keep asking out loud - that does make you seem a bit "dense". But email or message after your meeting - "Hi boss, just a quicj summary of what we discussed... you asked me to do XYZ, and my plan is to approach this in ABC way and have the results for you by Friday". Then if that wasn't what he wanted he has the opportunity to tell you.

Things that work well for me as manager are team members projecting a can do attitude and being very solution focused. So in your example about the documentation, a way to progress toward that might be to answer more along the lines of “yes I have spotted some and have made thorough notes. The key gaps so far are x and y. I will send over my comments now on these and once I’ve finished watching all the videos which I expect will be by… I will send you a final note of the gaps and a timeline for fixing them (if that’s your job”

I think it might help to look for things you like about him and focus on what you can learn from him.

What do you think you could do to impress him?

@EmmaMaria You make some great points and I agree with everything you've said - plenty of food for thought here. Yep, I do think I need to fix my attitude so if you can suggest ways of reframing my mindset I'll take that advice on board.

@Onceuponatimethen Very practical tips - I'm going to steal your wording verbatim 😊

Since I don't know him it's hard to suggest a technique, but one thing might be that every time you think something negative, turn it around. "He's younger than me" becomes "he's progressed well for his age". "Show off how much he knows about the products" becomes "he's very knowledgable about the products". You literally have to catch yoruself in those "nagative moments" - so if you are inclined to also sigh, perhaps you just need to find something positive about him. You don't have to say it out loud (that would be creepy!), just think it. Equally, it is always a good thing to say when something has been helpful - you don't have to pile on faint praise, but we all like a thank you or an acknowledgement we did something good or nice. Just because he's your manager doesn't mean it should all be encouragement from him to you. It's not about stroking his ego, it's about finding some ways to just be nice and to be yourself.