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Story as old as time

7 replies

Blablablabla12345 · 11/01/2025 09:57

Last year, I found a great job nearby with a fantastic team and flexible work arrangements, which is so important for me as a single mom. This flexibility is crucial since my ex isn’t very involved with the kids.

A few months ago, a senior colleague asked me out, and I politely turned him down. However, he hasn’t let it go and continues to pursue me despite my clear rejection. I’ve made it very clear I’m not interested in him or any kind of relationship. At one point, he even said, “You and your clear no (real name), leaving no wiggle room—are you sure you’re single?” I responded by saying that even single people have the right to say no, and I deserve for that to be respected.

It’s clear he understands the situation, but his behavior hasn’t stopped. While I had hoped this would be the end of it, it’s still ongoing. I’m at the bottom of the organization, so I’m hesitant to report him.

On top of that, my manager has been encouraging me to apply for an apprenticeship, but I had planned to wait until my youngest is out of nursery in about 18 months time. Childcare is expensive, and I’m worried I’ll be overwhelmed if I apply now and get accepted.

This guy’s actions are really starting to throw me off my plans. I’m not sure what to do, so I’d really appreciate any advice.

OP posts:
DreadPirateRobots · 11/01/2025 10:00

You need to go to HR and make a report of sexual harassment.

RebeccaBunchh · 11/01/2025 10:22

Do you have any messages, witnesses, emails or is it all in person?

shuffleofftobuffalo · 11/01/2025 11:17

Are you writing this down/keeping a log of his behaviour?

It can be daunting to report especially with the power imbalance of your roles, but that is the right thing to do. I've been in a similar situation and it was difficult but it turned out the guy was a serial pest to women and no one had been brave enough to report him. It's never the first time when you get such a bold one after you. He feels entitled to wear you down, it's probably worked a few times for him. You don't have to put up with it and he won't just stop.

On the apprenticeship, don't tangle that up in the behaviour of this man. Factor him out and make whatever is the right decision for you right now. Will the opportunities come up again in the timeline you had planned around your childcare requirements? If so you could wait, if not I'd apply now and think about the logistics once it's a definite prospect.

Blablablabla12345 · 11/01/2025 14:18

RebeccaBunchh · 11/01/2025 10:22

Do you have any messages, witnesses, emails or is it all in person?

Mostly in person. This has occurred in person with witness on two occasions. During the most recent incident, a colleague got involved directly, telling him that owning a car doesn’t give him the right to offer rides to coworkers without their consent.

I was leaving the work building to go home and he shouted where are you going? I said home. He said no, I'm driving you home. I said no. And that is when she got involved and I discreetly left.

OP posts:
RebeccaBunchh · 11/01/2025 14:25

I’m so sorry. If you have HR I would report him, my only advice would maybe beforehand check with your coworker if she’s okay to be down as a witness.

The only reason I’m saying is because there was an incident at my workplace and the coworkers who were down as witnesses got really mad at the victim?? It was bizarre but the only reason I’m saying is so that you don’t add more to your stressful situation.

He sounds gross and his attitude needs to be checked. HR would do him good.

Blablablabla12345 · 11/01/2025 15:04

If I make a report I would need to leave. I seen what happened to a different co worker who reported bullying and she ended up having to get another job. Because people froze her out. Even the ones who were friendly before and had nothing to do with the bullying situation.

With the apprenticeship, the first time I was recommended to apply. I decided then it wouldn't make sense for me to start it now. Hopefully, other opportunities would pop up if the apprenticeship no longer exists. I would be more open to more things then.

Now I'm thinking is this is a way out. The apprenticeship is in a different location.

OP posts:
RebeccaBunchh · 11/01/2025 15:31

If you’re able to take on the apprenticeship I would probably do it - it will help you further your career while also being in a different location.

I completely understand the appeal of trying to stay put (I’m a single parent too) but it sounds like a good option.

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