Is it normal to still feel upset about betrayal from former coworkers?

[optimistic47]

I'll keep it short. 2025 should be seen by all to be a new start in life. However, is it normal to still feel upset about a job I left last year? My former manager backstabbed me in a lot of ways, which I later discovered through professional third parties. On the surface, when I've had to cross paths with her, I've never shown upset or anger, and have been civil to her face.

It sounds normal to me! I’m still upset about a job that I left last year where a number of people stabbed me in the back. While I was working my notice I used to joke about the fact that at least I was well stocked up on knives.

It sounds like you’re being really professional about it, but have you given yourself time and space to get upset/angry (in private)? I always find that whenever someone betrays me, it haunts me for a long time as I start blaming myself for trusting them and it makes it harder for me to trust others again.

I expect the situation I was put it last year to still randomly annoy me from time to time for a long while longer yet.

I have done a lot of grieving about losing the job. The long and the short of it was that I job shared with a woman who was jealous and insecure on a lot of levels. My manager sided her despite seeing/hearing nothing from me. I had to return on business in a different capacity to the former workplace as my fellow committee member had hired space (to be fair she didn't know what went down to begin with as I still maintained a professional calm face) although some of my ex coworkers had given me the cold shoulder upon my arrival. I totally understand colleagues are not your friends, but I was ghosted in person which was humiliating. The company fb page has also put somewhat barbed/provocative postings from time to time that only I would understand. They gave me a leaving card with nice words, and a wonky cheap mug upon my departure. My husband has been a great support. I am working in a new place now, but trying to process things after all this time. I reached out to a couple of people for a reference request after my former manager changed her mind and didn't give me a reference (then had the cheek to complain to my agency when she found out from someone that I was reaching out to people as a free agent).

When I first starting temping in my 20s, I worked in the city in admin. I had been in a job for a couple of weeks when a new PA decided she didn't like me.

I didn't work with her, I worked in a different area but her boss was the main boss. So she organised a meeting with my manager and told her a load of lies about me.

I could see them having the meeting as the meeting room was glass. When my manager came out, she gave me the filthiest look and I got a call from the agency telling me I wasn't wanted there anymore.

Colleagues aren't your friends and although being backstabbed is upsetting, I'm not surprised. I've worked in some very toxic environments.

yeah, this resonates. Came back from a trip from Scotland to get a sudden one to one meeting with the boss who said that they had to go with another agency and couldn't extend my contract. The firm had previously extended my contract and also given good feedback to my agency reps, so that was 'fishy' to say the least. I reclaimed the narrative (as I knew full well that she was feeding back my response to the woman sitting next to her). I said to my boss in private 'thanks for the opportunity but the distance is too far from SW London to The City of London. I also put a second corporate finger back at them both by resigning on my own terms a month early (after I discovered that my boss was taking two weeks leave at the end of my contract so to avoid me, whilst I saw in the office diary that the woman was conducting interviews a week before). Regarding the reference rejection: I also told my former manager not to worry as I had secured seven references - and won the Freedom of The City of London (so it replaced the crappy cheap mug which cost nothing from the team). The woman was also a writer (and I do a side hustle as a journalist) and she would always go on about her submissions to editors, share her work with everyone but me. She also took a day off work when my husband visited the workplace for a public event (he behaved impeccably in front of the team) so she looked a right prat hiding out.

I would say it’s very normal. I got massively backstabbed by my management last year and I have to leave, I’m so resentful I come back home with a massive headache every day from trying to keep it all inside.

I think normal, but at some point one does have to have a word with oneself as constantly ruminating does leave one stuck.

you’ll know I think when that so if six months down the line this is still all you want to talk about and you’ve not moved on then time to do something differently to get yourself out of the rut.

It’s normal and it can take a while to get over it.

I was bullied badly by my manager in a job I left 10 years ago and it destroyed me. I did the whole grievance thing but none of it was upheld. I left and my career has gone strength to strength since, but I was still upset and hurt for quite a while. I think it was maybe a couple of years before I truly got past it.

As a side note, my ex manager went on to upset a lot of other people, including the HR person who investigated my grievance and decided there was no merit. It brought me huge satisfaction which helped me stop being so bitter about it all.

Thank you for your comments, which have helped me a lot. I agree, that there will be a point when you think 'but they are getting on with their lives, and you are becoming a prisoner of the past'. As mentioned before, whilst I know coworkers are not friends, I am actually more bitter towards my former manager than the woman as the former protected the latter. But as my family have said 'what goes around, comes around'.