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Can’t find my place and needed to let it out.

8 replies

EatSleepSurviveRepeat · 02/01/2025 11:32

Hello, first time posting so please be kind. I’m in my mid 30’s and have still not found my happy place when it comes to work. I graft my a*se off, give 110% but sometimes feel like a bit of a failure that I don’t have a ‘career’ or a job I’ve been in for years,like most others. I’ve had to change jobs for various reasons, from it not working due to child care, to the company being terrible through poor management, favouritism, sounding great on paper but not so much in reality, or because I moved to a different part of the country.

My DH owns his own business so I am lucky in the respect that I don’t need to earn a set salary, but I do need and want to work, being a mum of 3 to kids in primary school also means I need to be available for school pick ups etc so have to be careful with hours and need that flexibility until they’re old enough to get themselves home.

I had a job in 2023 that I absolutely loved but got unexpectedly made redundant in the most horrible way which mentally affected me and put me in a bad place for a while. The worst part was that I left a secure and well paid job for it, and wonder where I’d be had I not took the leap. I have since then ended up taking a £15k pay cut with the job I now do and feel like I’m wasting my time and am worth more.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say or ask - I don’t want to write a novel, I guess I just needed to let my thoughts out, maybe there are people out there like me. After I lost my job in 2023, I took some time out to find myself, recover and get back to a good place mentally. I then found a job that had shift patterns, and after discussing with DH who said we could make the school side work by him helping more (I warned him it wouldn’t work) after 3 months it turned out that I was right and had to resign and go back to finding something that was flexible around childcare. I had to find something pretty quickly and kind of fell into the role I’m doing now, so there are instances in my CV where I’ve changed jobs because I’ve had to, not because I necessarily want to. I now wonder if I’ll ever get another interview to get the chance to explain all this to a potential new employer😔

Am I overthinking things? Do I just need to suck it up and get on with it? If anyone reading this is an employer, what would you think? My biggest fear is letting my life go by till it gets to a point when I’m old and wishing I’d done things differently.

My start to 2025 is me doubting myself 😂 but I hope you all had a nice Christmas and New Year and apologies for the long but vague post if you made it this far down.

OP posts:
CantHoldMeDown · 02/01/2025 11:35

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EatSleepSurviveRepeat · 02/01/2025 11:58

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He does the morning school runs, I do the school pick ups, he is also around more during the half terms as doesn’t have to worry about how much AL he’s using up, so does help where he can, everyone’s circumstances and situations are different and where someone who runs their own business can be very flexible, in my DH’s line of work, it’s not possible at this time.

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CantHoldMeDown · 02/01/2025 12:55

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EatSleepSurviveRepeat · 02/01/2025 13:17

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Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it.

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mumonthehill · 02/01/2025 13:23

I felt like you at that stage with dc. I had holding jobs, fitted in with school jobs, not much career progression jobs. However actually when dc got to secondary age and were more independent it was surprising how many skills i had acquired over that time. My mid 40's have been fab work wise with now having a job I love and am good at. I prioritised me and my work. DH worked away a lot when dc were small so it was hard but there is hope!

Elsbetka · 02/01/2025 13:24

My only advice is to try not overthink the perceived need to "find your place", work-wise.

A wise person once told me that it's good to have a thing, but that the thing doesn't need to be work-related. So I love cooking and baking, but I don't work in that field and am very unlikely to do so as I know how hard it is in hospitality. I'm not saying I love my job (I don't 😁) but I feel like I've made peace with the fact that I probably wouldn't be any happier doing my favourite past time as an actual job, IYSWIM.

Cocteautwin6 · 02/01/2025 17:34

Your cv probs looks ten times better than mine 😂 I’ve had three different jobs since I got made redundant during maternity in 2021 (don’t ask!) and am about to take vol redundancy! I used to worry too but it’s not impacted on getting interviews, if the questions come up I answer honestly but don’t go into the specifics. I’ve found my sweet spot in Digital mind which is always quite a fertile ground career wise. Do you mind me asking what you did in the role you were made redundant from? Could there be similar opportunities out there?

Also, have a look at Helen Tupper who has written about ‘squiggly’ careers. I felt far more positive about my experience after reading her work.

EatSleepSurviveRepeat · 06/01/2025 16:42

Thank you! I will make sure to order her book. You’ve been really helpful 😊

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