Female bosses and male direct reports

[Eskimal]

I manage a large team, a mixture of ages, abilities, salary levels. Mostly men, 2 women (3 including me). I am having some issues with one of my direct reports who is a man.
He’s fine whilst I let him be autonomous, but struggles if I give him direction or ask him to do something specific. If I do this it’s always with an explanation and context so he understands why, but he will just carry on and do it his way. I thought it was because he was a bit set in his ways, but now I’m not so sure.

recently I had to speak to him about his behaviour and tone when in a meeting at an offsite location. He was reactive and angry over something work-related. Totally inappropriate. He then had a 1 on 1 conversation with a colleague the next day which was even more angry.

he absolutely didn’t like being spoken to by a woman in this way, and thought it was not my place to address his behaviour. The group incident was undeniable, but the 1 on 1 incident he claimed never happened. There’s not much I can do about that one.

It is my responsibility to address it as I am his boss and he upset members of the team and other external people.

i think I am going to have to get HR involved as he doesn’t want to (or won’t) be accountable for his behaviour, nor recognise that I am the person who gives direction and addresses problems in the team.

any advice or people in similar situations? The rest of my team are great.

@Eskimal He then had a 1 on 1 conversation with a colleague the next day which was even more angry. he absolutely didn’t like being spoken to by a woman in this way it looks very much like he does not think he should take any instruction from a female at all. he feels he is above you!! how long has he been there? did he perhaps apply for the job which you got??

@Eskimal you have my sympathies. Currently performance managing a team member who behaves similarly.

I would get away from thinking it's a man-woman thing and focus on the insubordination. In my case it's a female direct report so definitely possible from both sexes.

I have found most support from my boss and other execs - HR have been a bit feeble.

Can't stand this term. Good luck with constructive dismissal.

Going through a mildly similar situation, in terms of insubordination anyway.

It's all been quite low level, so it's frustrating to try and manage. I've discussed with my boss and we're going to approach it from an unusual angle. If that doesn't work....then I'll have to start documenting things to show a pattern of behaviour.

It's frustrating.

However, not at the same level as yours. Id go for a final written warning personally. He cannot be shouting and aggressive in meetings, or towards colleagues.

I don't care what's going on in his personal life, that behaviour is absolutely unacceptable.

It happens a lot more regularly than you think. Ultimately people on a pip get driven mad by the constant micromanaging (essentially if you’re on a pip you know you’re being monitored so it feels like micromanaging). They usually leave because they can’t stand it.

Good luck with proving that the employer did the following:

“without reasonable or proper cause, conduct itself in a manner calculated or likely to destroy or seriously damage the relationship of confidence and trust between employer and employee”.
Addressing poor attitude and conduct is not unreasonable.