Workplace bullying

[TipsyAndObscure]

Has anyone on here got any advice on succeeding in an environment where no less than 4 grown men are conspiring against me? Toxic leadership on my company's side.
Client is very happy with my team and my work.

1. you need to document everything. Date and time etc. you’ll think you’ll remember but you won’t. You’ll need this if you raise a grievance.
2. make sure there is no evidence of poor behaviour in your part, eg angry email.
3. this is illegal so make sure you don’t tell anyone: recorded any key conversations using a good transcript app. Don’t expect to ever need these so be very careful how you do it. However people lie and get away with it, especially f there are 4 of them to all back each other up.
4. don’t expect other people to act with the same honesty and integrity as you do. Be firm. Follow-up with an email if you think they’re going to undermine you.

i am sorry for anyone who doesn’t like point 3 but bullies can be very nasty people. I had a situation where a colleague was inappropriate. He repeatedly denied it as it occurred in 1on1 situations. I raised a grievance. He denied it all. HR got other colleagues to give him good character references. I went through 3 rounds of appeals. I was made to look like I invented it all because no other colleagues corroborated my statements.

My last step was to call a without prejudice meeting. I played recordings of the 1 on 1 meetings. Management were forced to admit they had not investigated properly.

i had him on tape saying things like, “years ago if I’d known you before children you could’ve made this ok by sleeping with me. Now I wouldn’t go near something that had 3 natural births.”
and
”you need to hire more young interns. Go to one of those bars in Shoreditch and find some innocent but attractive fine art students for me.”
various comments about people in the wider team overseas who were Japanese and Chinese that I can’t repeat here.
comments about making me travel overseas (even though I didn’t want to be away from my family for more than a week) as punishment for very small things my team had done wrong.

i ultimately left (I was paid off - things were not fixable due to how poorly the company handled everything) but many female colleagues thanked me months afterwards. He stopped being inappropriate. HR had him monitored. The female colleagues were too scared to complain as they needed their jobs. Many had very very good final salary pensions so didn’t want to leave but felt they deserved to work in an environment free of sexual harassment. They thought complaining would damage their careers and suspected HR would protect him. They were right. I only made progress because I recorded him in secret. HR couldn’t protect him once I played them the recordings. It did ruin my career in that particular company. I moved industries.

some people apologised for not backing me whilst everything was being investigated. They were scared of receiving even worse treatment from him.

Bravo! The world needs more brave people like you. Thank you.

Whilst I agree with @Eskimal , I am not sure that "don’t expect other people to act with the same honesty and integrity as you do" meshes well with "this is illegal so make sure you don’t tell anyone"!

I would have to add though that in some workplaces secretly recording people would be classed as gross misconduct, so you need to be very careful about covert recordings. Because you may have transcripts you produce, but they are only really evidence if you can prove them, and your only method of proving them is to produce the recordings. Equally, bare in mind that @Eskimal piad for their recordings by having to move industry - that may have worked out great for them, but that is no guarantee it would work our well for anyone else. So think carefully before doing it, don't get caught, and decide whether you are prepared to pay the potential price before you do it.

All of that said - what do you mean? What is going on? What does "conspiring" mean? Because just because a client is happy with you / your team doesn't mean the employer is. It's the employers / managers opinion that is relevant. And whilst I am not accusing you of anything, there is bullying and there is bullying - sometimes that is the word that people ascribe as a replacement for "my manager is manging me and I don't want to be managed". Strategy is as much informed by context as it is by actions/ responses.

Hi both.
thanks for your comments.

Where do I start. Here’s the highlights ‘that’s with a very lower case ‘h’:

I joined just over 2 years back. Inherited a team not fit for purpose.
Have worked my back side off and overdelivered for the client, saving the project as we were told we needed to go through an rfp.
The changes I proposed to the team were stopped midway because of the rfp. That took 9 months.
During this time, I covered for the inadequacies of the team, over delivered in other areas, organised two global summits - not part of my remit.
Really I could go on, but I’m not here to prove I’m good at my job.

@EmmaMaria i get you saying about ‘didn’t want to be managed. And I respect your challenge. That wasn’t the case.

It all began when I challenged a grade I’d been given with a clear list of what I’d achieved and over delivered on.
Instead of any fair discussion, where I said I’d like to know what I can do to be recognised for my achievements the following year, he, together with our director, started changing my job description without my knowledge.
I was alerted to this as I owned the JD because when I joined, there wasn’t a clear one, so I produced one and got agreement from management.
When challenged, my director lied and said he didn’t know what I was talking about. I had screen shot evidence of him being in the document.

There began the problems.
That week ended with my line manager sending a ping message to me instead of the director, while we were on a call.
It was derogatory and offensive.
How do I know it was about me and destined for the director - he panicked and admitted it on the following messages.
When I wrote ‘I may have to take this formally’, he replied ‘go ahead’.
So I did.

Fast track to now.

Client changed and my line manger needed to prove his worth on the project.
He started telling me to do things which conflicted with the client requests.
He doesn’t know how to do my job, he doesn’t know anything about my job or my team.
For a year I have driven the project and my team to high praise and positive feedback from the clients.

I challenged what I was being asked to do and said I needed clarity so we deliver for the client.
Then there was a call.
He started to record without my permission (which you’re right @EmmaMaria is against policy).
As soon as recording started, he said a series of sentences that pulled things out of context so as to seem that I was ignoring a client request - this is not the case.
There followed a series of gaslighting statements, controlling behaviours, and bullying.
Because it was recorded, there was also a full transcript.
I ran the transcript through AI and asked it to pull out bullying and gaslighting behaviours, because I was quite shaken by it and wanted to pull it out.
Up came everything I needed, confirming the bullying behaviours.

I submitted a second grievance.
Others have also been, and continue to be subject to these behaviours.

The grievance investigation was bias.
I have written my response and engaged with an employment lawyer who confirmed there are holes in it.

Now, as of 23rd December, there is evident conspiring including my ex line manager, his manager, my peer (whom I have had hours upon hours of conversations with about his behaviours), and another who doesn’t have anything against me, but also feels vulnerable with the change of clients and feels he should support them.

Current status:
Appeal letter is in.
It’s gone to an HR Director. We will connect in the New Year.
I’ve included additional evidence that not only renders most of the investigation outcome letter useless, but also introduces 2 new names whom have been subject to his behaviour, over the last couple of weeks.
They are two of my team, and they say I can add their names.

But, these people are working together very hard, to bring me down.

I know I can’t stay in this environment.
I’m fairly sure they’ll end up ‘winning’.

But I won’t walk away without standing up for what is right.

I need the income. I don’t want to let my son down. I’m a single parent, and I need to pay for his higher education - post A Levels.

I’m 55, a high earner, and it will be hard to get another job at my level, soon, and at my age.

Plus, the new clients have some really exciting things lined up for 2025, and they know I can help
them deliver. And I want to.

Ok, there’s most of the story there, not the extreme details of course.

What do I want? My ex line managers behaviours recognised and corrected and to continue to deliver for the clients.

wdyt?

Well you won't like my first comment - you do not own the job description. Doesn't matter who wrote it - your job, and its description, belongs to the employer.

After that - I am afraid I am going to be very blunt - start looking for another job now. It may be hard - although I suspect you haven't really tested that, because yoiu are a long way off retirement and presumably have some serious skills to sell. But from what you are saying you have already failed with two(?) grievances, and you are expecting the HR director (who is employed to protect the employers interests) to come up with a different result. I would love to be proved wrong, but I suspect that the next step is a settlement offer which will in no way compensate you for the next decade of work. It often comes as a shock to people, but bullying and gaslighting are not, per se, actually against employment law! That's if you can prove them in the first place, and believe me that is hard to do. Forget what the client wants or how happy they are with you - unless you can show that your disappearance will be detrimental to the company interests, they don't care about that - and the client doesn't dictate how the company acts.

I'm sorry that's really negative, but I see this scenario all too often. I'd like to be wrong, and maybe this will be the time that I am - but prepare yourself as if I am not and make sure that you have an exit strategy lined up if you can, because you may need it.

@EmmaMaria
completely know I don't own the JD. It was just the start of a demonstration of disengenuous behaviour rather than let's discuss and come up with something that recognises my achievements and also serves the business.
Everything was recoverable until my line manager sent the ping to me instead of his boss on the live call.
I did not lose the first grievance. Their policy dictates they don't have to tell you the outcome and they didn't.
The first grievance was that he'd sent a derogatory message and he had. No real investigation needed. Evidence provided and it was clear.
His behaviour since has been retaliatory which is against the company policy.
Now, I know the company policy means nothing out in the big wide legal world.
But bullying, if demonstrated, is covered by uk employment law.
But I agree it's hard to demonstrate. And I won't take it that far because it's not worth it.

I also agree that I need to prepare for the exit.
And I've accepted that might be the outcome.
I am concerned about getting another role.
There's no guarantees. But I'll do my very best.
I've learned a lot in the role, as I have done in previous jobs.

It's a toxic situation and I'm better off out of it.

The client will lose out and the company will lose my billable rate until they replace me. So yes, both sides will lose out.
It's a very strategic year for the client next year and I know exactly what they need to achieve their objectives. It will take a new person at least 3 months to ramp up. And it may take them at least 2-3 months to hire someone.
The new person will have just as many problems as I do because it's a very difficult project to manage without any support from management.
The team is global and the client is uk and west coast us. Hours are long. But it is work from home and flexible.

Before my onboarding, a previous role holder lasted 3 months before they realised how bad it was. I've worked very hard to improve things and I have done.
The new person will benefit from that. It's just sad that I wanted to see the fruits of my hard work.

I just wonder how I got to this point by working so very hard in an impossible landscape.

But I value your input and honesty.

I think I just have to see how the new year rolls.
A miracle might happen. Who knows.

Like @Eskimal I feel we owe it to ourselves, and others, to stand up to the bullies.

But bullying, if demonstrated, is covered by uk employment law.

OK - I'll leave it to you then. You'll have great fun finding that law. It doesn't exist.

I feel we owe it to ourselves, and others, to stand up to the bullies.

I wouldn't have the strength or patience but good for you. Usually I advise people to leave asap if there's toxic behaviour.

Contact Acas, collect evidence eg emails etc and follow the company procedure. In the meantime dig deep and expect to be managed out.

@EmmaMaria only going by what I’ve heard in that it can be linked to harassment, if it’s seen as covered under the traits for harassment.
I’m no expert, just going on what I’ve been told and researched.
But thank you for your feedback so far.
It’s appreciated.
@username299 thanks, and yes I agree that I should expect to be managed out.
thats probably for the best and brings a close to this situation for me, at least.

I just wanted some feedback and opinions from those outside of my circle.
I’m not surprised that I have little or no protection.
But maybe the behaviour will alter slightly for those I leave behind just because I made a point of it.

Just as @Eskimal did.

What do I want? My ex line managers behaviours recognised and corrected and to continue to deliver for the clients

sorry to break it to you but your ex managers behaviour will not be "recognised and corrected". So you would do well to be more realistic in what you need from the situation.

if there's a US influence even more likely you'll be discarded like a used tissue, but not before they dehumanise you and try to break you.

The client will lose out and the company will lose my billable rate until they replace me. So yes, both sides will lose out.

Forget the client, forget the company, honestly none of them give a shit about you. Please get real. Stop bothering about things that are of no consequence to you, focus only on your circumstances.

But bullying, if demonstrated, is covered by uk employment law.

Incorrect. The only chance you have for any redress is if you can prove discrimination. Under UK law EqA 2010, the term for bullying is harassment, and harassment is without exception tied to protected characteristics eg sex, race, pg, religious/philosophical beliefs, disability, age, etc.

if you cannot prove grounds for discrimination, a Tribunal will not be interested in a claim for "bullying". Terminology is everything, technicalities are everything.

If you do think their behaviour is discriminatory, then get an employment solicitor to go through any notes you've captured, plus your grievance documents, and they will assess % likehood to succeed in a Tribunal.

Thanks @daisychain01
I already decided I’m not considering a tribunal.

Bit harsh to say the client doesn’t ‘care’ about me.
I’ve worked with these people for a couple of years now. We are all human and there is some humility.

My company care they are losing a billable role, not about about me, I agree.

At the end of the day, I’m ready for whatever and whenever they decide to make their move.
One door closes …..

Bit harsh to say the client doesn’t ‘care’ about me.

clients may care about you in some general sense but if someone else replaces you, steps into your role and does your job, they will get on with that new reality and 'care' about them the way they once cared about you.

we are all ultimately replaceable resources, paid to do a job. If you take this approach, it becomes easier to separate yourself from any emotional connection, and deal with the practical realities.