Anxious about work event for a job I haven't started

[Superhotwheels]

Hi all, I'm feeling so incredibly anxious about this and just looking for some words of support! Also interested to see what others would do in this situation.

I've recently been offered a new job, and it's a big promotion for me. It's a senior position and I'm suffering from a fair bit of imposter syndrome right now. Putting that aside, I am really excited for this opportunity and I want to do well.

Whilst I don't start for a few more months due to my notice period, I've just been invited to a 2-day company wide event at a location that's150 miles away. This will be before I start the job as well. They haven't said I need to come, just extending the offer in case I want to...

It involves an all day company wide event, followed by a dinner and stay at a hotel. Then the next day it's a half day departmental session. The things is, I have kids, it's really far, I don't have the annual leave for it...but, really, none of that matters. I just feel so so so anxious about it. I don't know anyone at all, it's not like I can say "ohhh hi, you're so and so, it's so nice to finally meet you in person!". I get nervous doing this sort of thing at a company I work at with people I know, let alone somewhere I haven't even started!

I feel like it would look bad if I didn't go though, and that I should make the effort. What do you all think? Maybe, even though it's really far, I could go up for the half day event which is actually more relevant given I'd be meeting my direct colleagues? I really don't like the idea of the dinner the night before! This option feels slightly less daunting and manageable!

Thank you for any advice! Honestly feel like such a fraud right now

Congratulations on your new job OP! Right, let's tackle the whole imposter syndrome issue: I'll never get tired of saying it's not real - you're just nervous. In fact, here's a thread I responded to earlier on the matter:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/work/5230975-new-job-redundancy-and-imposter-syndrome?reply=140577795&utm_campaign=reply&utm_medium=share

Now onto the real issue: it's very kind of your new company to extend the invite to you. As you don't know anyone yet I'd suggest reaching out and making some LinkedIn connections now; you'll need them when you start on the job anyway. I'd also reframe the event not as being something anxiety-inducing but as a fantastic way to meet your new colleagues and show proactivity and enthusiasm. I don't think you need the whole hotel and dinner thing but that half-day session sounds very useful. Then you'll be putting real faces to LI profiles.

Finally the key to getting past lack of confidence is preparation. That's what you'll be doing with expanding your LI network, attending the company events, going to any other seminars on how-to-be-good-at-[insert job title here], reading up on other cognitive strategies for anxiety management/confidence building. Best of luck!

@Gummibärchen thank you so much, your reply has genuinely made me feel so much better. I never considered connecting on LinkedIn. Particularly the people who had interviewed me to begin with! Thank you :) I also enjoyed that thread on imposter syndrome!

Glad it helped, @Superhotwheels . Enjoy your new role!

I get where you are coming from 100% because that was my introduction to my new job and colleagues too!

As an antisocial introvert it was like torture to me. I have never been a part of any environment that included hotels and dinners and being away from my kids so it was a completely new situation for me.

BUT I bit that fucking bullet, I found a bravery that I never knew I had, I took deep breaths and threw myself headfirst into it.

Couldn’t eat a thing, didnt drink anything, didn’t sleep a wink, stomach in bastard knots the whole time but because I knew it was important for my new job, I did it. By fucking god did I do it!

Ive been there for some time now and this is the culture in the business so it’s part of it. I don’t like it but I do it. Luckily my colleagues are bloody lovely people who are a pleasure to be around.
I wouldnt have known that had I not forced myself into it.

My advice, do it! Go! It will give you a great sense of what you are going into.

If I don't know anyone, then I wouldn't go. Just say you don't have enough annual leave to take from your old job to attend. It's not compulsory anyway so I wouldn't worry.

If you're moving into a senior position, it will be good to put yourself outside your comfort zone. I'm a natural introvert but I deliberately put myself out there even though it initially feels uncomfortable (I don't like the spotlight on me). It does get better, believe it from someone who used to find it painful but now has learned to enjoy some of those moments!

over time you start to realise how much less anxious you feel and how much more accustomed you have become to cope with these social work situations like team gatherings, big town hall meetings in front of leadership.

Why not treat this invitation as a dress rehearsal for the future, getting to meet the new people and being able to hold your own.

• Don't aim to be "the star of the show", be yourself
• be under-stated but able to hold a conversation with people you don't know.
• Dress for confidence, wear something that you feel good in
• You'll come away feeling glad you didn't let this opportunity pass you by.
• check whether they will pay your expenses, and the basis for your claim, as it sounds like you'll be incurring quite a lot £££

I think you should go for the whole thing if you can make the logistics work. I would be terrified too though!

Tbh I wouldn’t go. Because:

this is the last time you can legitimately turn down this type of event, once you work there you’ll have to go

you don’t want to do overnight

once you’re working there and know people an event like this is less daunting

and most importantly, you don’t want to!

I would go, even if it’s just for the half day bit. It’ll make those first weeks much easier if you’ve already met quite a few of the team. Agree with the idea of connecting on LinkedIn beforehand too.

Yes it’ll be daunting, but take a deep breath and fake it till you make it. You can do it!

Congratulations!
Go.
Don’t drink any alcohol at all.
Make notes when you’re back in your room about who you’ve met.
Try to meet your team on day 1 so day 2 starts comfortably.
Have some responses ready for predictable questions.
Good luck!