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Original poster

Stress, left out of Xmas party, new job

26 replies

Jelybea · 18/12/2024 21:21

I'm feeling ill with work stress. A while back a colleague started bullying me.. no obvious reason other than I'm the quiet one in the office so probably an easy target and stupidly I let it happen, until I had enough and spoke to the team leader who told me to just get used to it.. I told her I'd be leaving in that case (things like shouting at me in front of colleagues for strange things out of my control, picking fault with things even though there was no grounds for it) I have found the perfect position which I will start in a few weeks time..

Today I found out that the bullying colleague had organised the Christmas lunch out and I wasn't invited.. I didn't even know about it untill afterwards. The team leader who is mates with this bully has been acting cold towards me ever since I told her I won't be bullied and IL be looking for a new job, her response was there's no jobs out there, that she hates her job too and I should just get on with it..

its not the job.. it's the bullying I had the problem with. It's like a clique with that little group they single someone out and go for them. I watched them do it to someone before me who then left (I was witness to alot of it so I think that's why it's my turn now for supporting her and reporting it)

Today it happened again in the office, I was questioned as to why I was leaving as it would leave them short staffed- I bit my tongue and gave a polite answer as I just don't want to aggrivate a horrible atmosphere.

I get migraines in work, I'm just holding on in there till my last day. I've just found out my last week I will be working in the office on my own due to everyone else having holidays approved.

I just never want to go back. I feel like walking out but I fear for the consequences.

OP posts:
StormingNorman · 18/12/2024 21:22

I’d be off sick on my last day. Fuck them.

OttersAreMySpiritAnimal · 18/12/2024 21:25

If you've signed the contract for the new role already, then just get signed off sick with stress. I'd also be making a complaint to HR, assuming you have a HR department. Sounds like constructive dismissal to me

DandyTealSeal · 18/12/2024 21:27

Just get signed off, not worth the stress.

AyrshireTryer · 18/12/2024 21:33

Working in the office on your own
If you don't book sick five days of revenge planning and action.

TeaMistress · 18/12/2024 21:33

They sound like horrible people to work with. When is your last day? Have you already got your unconditional offer from your new employer?
.

Original poster
Jelybea · 18/12/2024 21:43

Thanks for the replies. I have 3 weeks left. Contract signed for new job. Didn't know if I was being too precious and I should just get on with it as the end is near, but my last week feels like I'm being taken advantage of yet again. And after another 'telling off' today Infront of everyone for something that wasn't even to do with me.. I go into work on edge with a horrible nervous feeling..

OP posts:
pompey38 · 18/12/2024 21:59

You need to stand up for yourself, loads of bullies everywhere , what you’re going to be doing? changing jobs every time you have one in your workplace. Why didn’t you speak up when you were being told off ?

jimbort · 18/12/2024 22:05

Good luck with the new position. I was bullied at work and it left me a shell of a person. Well done for getting out. Sadly it seems to be the only option as these cliques have very distinctive patterns of behaviour and speaking up tends to make it worse. Hope you can get signed off for your last few weeks. I can't believe how different I feel now I have a new job. So grateful to be not working with the bullies any more. Just feels like a massive weight has lifted off me. My doctor was really sympathetic and supportive and signed me off with work stress for my last 2 weeks. Don't listen to the pp that seems to imply it's your fault in some way for not standing up to them. You did stand up and it made things worse. Flowers

TwinkleLights24 · 18/12/2024 22:12

I’d stop holding my tongue and blast them before going on sick and enjoying my Christmas.

Xeren · 18/12/2024 23:13

First of all, congratulations on finding a new job. I am really proud of you! 💐

There’s no need to get stressed; you’re leaving! So please try to focus on the fact that you are going soon and it doesn’t matter what these nasty people do or say.

I currently work with a bully. I was constantly told that nothing could be done unless a complaint was “put in writing” (even though the bully’s own manager is copied into all her shouty e-mails and the manager actually complains about what a nightmare she is!).

Well, I finally did complain and guess what? They turned it on me! I’ve learnt my lesson and going to keep my head down, do what I’m paid for (and once I complete my goal, I’m off). If she annoys me now, I just escalate it to her manager to deal with. If she’s going to waste my time, I’m going to waste there’s, lol.

I’m lucky that my own line manager is very kind and supportive, but this is beyond individuals, its the culture of the place. It’s like they’re scared of the bully and let her run riot (and the top manager is a bit of a bully themselves).

Another colleague complained (who gets it a lot bad than me) and the bully’s manager is really picking on her now.

I find these types of places are filled with people who are too scared to look for other jobs so assume everyone thinks the same as them and no one would dare to leave and will just put up with it.

The cheek of them complaining that you’re leaving them short staffed. They should have thought of that before acting like twats.

isitme111 · 18/12/2024 23:44

They sound like awful colleagues. Go sick - life's too short for this sort of shift. You mention stress and migraines so you are genuinely ill. If the new job contract is all signed and it's now an unconditional offer there will be no repercussions. Well done in getting a new job.

TeaMistress · 19/12/2024 00:25

In these circumstances if you have your new job all sorted and don't need to rely on any further references from then, then I would go off sick for the remainder of your time there. Send your line manager a brutally honest email detailing the abusive bullying behaviour and then get yourself signed off for the rest of your notice period, put your feet up and enjoy Christmas knowing you never have to go back there.

HoundsOfHelfire · 19/12/2024 05:03

if it’s affecting your health get signed off asap for the remaining period. You’re so close to the end, you could easily speak your mind and speak up.

HoundsOfHelfire · 19/12/2024 05:04

I agree with a brutally honest email to your manager and the head of the company.

HelplessSoul · 19/12/2024 05:10

Working on your own eh?

I'd use that time to sabotage their stuff on your last day and really leave them in the fucking shit.

Caffeineneedednow · 19/12/2024 05:13

pompey38 · 18/12/2024 21:59

You need to stand up for yourself, loads of bullies everywhere , what you’re going to be doing? changing jobs every time you have one in your workplace. Why didn’t you speak up when you were being told off ?

I completly disagree with this. You are implying it's the victims fault. I would not stay somewhere where someone is screaming in my face over anything let alone something that wasn't even my fault.

I have worked for a bully, I left and massively doubted myself as to weather I was just not good enough for the role. But you know what, I now work with a great team where I am supported to develop and have excelled. The boss who bullied me has struggled to retain staff (science so these staff would be the ones who actually do the lab work to get proffessors published). In short my career is growing while his has stagnated as no one will work with / for him due to his behaviour.

We should not accept bullies and if the boss in this situation was on board with the bullying behaviour the OP was right to just walk away.

@OP get signed off, have a nice rest before starting your new job.

"I get migraines in work" you clearly have a medical reason.

endofthelinefinally · 19/12/2024 05:15

HelplessSoul · 19/12/2024 05:10

Working on your own eh?

I'd use that time to sabotage their stuff on your last day and really leave them in the fucking shit.

When is the Christmas lunch?
I agree with pp saying get signed off. Talk to your GP and see whether this is an option. If you have any opportunity to make life difficult for the bullies, take it.

itsgettingweird · 19/12/2024 05:22

I agree off sick wouldn't be a bad thing - or even a lie. That place is making you ill.

Another option if you feel you can manage it is to ask "is there any reason you're shouting at me about Xs mistake?"

MamaToABeautifulBoy · 19/12/2024 09:34

Get signed off with stress and let them know that you will be taking them to a tribunal to seek an award of damages for injury to feelings. Sounds a little OTT but others have done so successfully. See the attached link. Even if you don’t bother, it may unsettle them a little.

www.winstonsolicitors.co.uk/blog/invite-all-staff-christmas-party

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 19/12/2024 10:50

If you've got the last week to yourself in the office surely that's the perfect last week? No interruptions, just peace and quiet.

I'd use the week to do all my own stuff, sort out my own admin. Get copies of things that would be helpful in my new job. Do some online shopping in the sales. Research next year's holiday. Catch up on private emails. Get friends to come and meet me for lunch... just enjoy it and leave with your head held high.

I'd also make sure I had an exit interview with HR and tell them exactly why I was leaving.

Caffeineneedednow · 19/12/2024 11:27

Edited to say ignore this, wrong thread

FartSock5000 · 19/12/2024 12:28

@Jelybea bullies thrive because no one stands up to them.

Go to HR and put in a formal grievance. Doesn't matter that you are leaving - you're only doing so because you've been bullied out of your job.

Make them investigate this officially. Give them dates, times and who was there and what was said.

Fight back before you go and tell HR your TL has done feck all to help!

Go out swinging. Give yourself permission to stop caring. You'll be free soon and you'll feel better for it if you fought back. You can also go off sick for the remainder of your notice period.

YouveGotAFastCar · 19/12/2024 14:17

Eh in this situation, I'd probably prefer a last week by myself to having this lot of knobs in the office too.

I'm sorry about the lunch. Was it when you were off sick, or have you just found out about it but it hasn't been yet?

If everything is all sorted with your new employer and you won't need anything from the old one, go off sick if you need to.

CremeEggThief · 19/12/2024 14:23

Just go off sick and they can fuck themselves! I'd tell them that too if had the reference already!

Oddsquadnumber1 · 19/12/2024 14:36

Fuck them, what consequences? I don't take shit from people and I've walked out of many a job under a cloud and never had any consequences. It is rarely worth it for employers to try and fight people leaving or sabotage their new jobs in some way

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