Any tips for line manage someone who complains everything?

[Confusedbytherules]

I would like to think I’m ok as a manager. I’m nice, very flexible and understanding.

But I line manage a colleague who has not been happy about her job, me, the team and pretty much everything for the last five years.
For every single annual performance review, she just complains about how I manage the team, how her job is boring, how others in the wider team do not appreciate her, etc.

Another colleague I also manage,on the other hand, says she is happy with her job and my management style.

They are both in the same role. I am aware they are two different people with two different personalities but after so many years of negative comments targeted towered me, I’m just so at a loss of what to do with this unhappy colleague.

Any advice?

Good grief. She should leave if she's that unhappy.

Have you asked her what she would like to change? Try to get specific feedback, see if it is actionable and set up regular short feedback sessions to see how it's working. If nothing else it shows you are listening to her. If the changes don't please her she's probably just enjoying moaning.

Also do you actually do her performance review or is this a distracting technique to prevent you getting into her performance?

Next review: “Tell me three things you want to change; what can you do to change them? How can I support you with that?” Get it written down and signed by her, then review regularly - don’t wait to the next performance review.

You may need to take action, but she shouldn’t put it all on you or others.

Write down everything and create an action plan where they are responsible for most of the actions then set up a follow up meeting to review the progress.

Keep asking, "What do you think would help with that?"

Examples - "I don't like this task". What can they do to streamline the task? Can they use automation, better IT skills, writing Macros, rewrite a policy etc. Then, tell them to look on bloody YouTube and get on with it.

Put her on a performance plan and manage her sorry whiny ass out.

If she despises the job that much, why hasnt she gone?

The reason is her incompetence as she knows she doesnt stand a chance elsewhere and so moans where she is and doesnt do fuck all to improve herself like the other happy direct report you have.

If you say you are OK as a manager - then do your job and manage - her out.

Otherwise you risk being as much of a problem as her. Worrying you dont even know this sort of basic stuff really.

I’d also ask her/him what positive keeps you in the job you are doing? With the average employer staying 3 years, she has surpassed that - showing her satisfaction with the job 😉

Does she whine in between or is it just at annuals? That's really odd.

I have one who works to live. He's honest about being there for the pensions and the pay and not for the job. I couldn't do it but he does. I have to stay on top of him for all his tasks because he's not passionate but it works.

Weirdly job satisfaction is fairly heritable. Chances are she knows she won't be happy anywhere, probably never has been, and is just generally miserable working. Talk about job goals and training since she's bored. Keep her busy.

I'd invite her to a meeting and say following the review you are concerned about her well-being as she has vocalised that she is unhappy with everything at work ... the job, her manager, her colleagues. This is a worry to me as it potentially affects your wellbeing and the wellbeing of others, myself included. So, happy to work together to bring about change ... even if that means you might want to pursue a different job, even if that's outside of the company.

Then just keep asking what she proposes ... over and over.

In the review or the next time it happens…

”I’ve noticed that you voice a lot of criticism and you are coming across as very negative and demotivated. This is very worrying.” Then stay silent and see how they react.

If they are not forthcoming or you need to be a bit more direct:

“You are starting to impact other colleague’s morale, by making repeated comments about your own motivation being low, and I need you to reduce the comments about your own opinions about the workplace to others and raise any legitimate concerns through the appropriate channels from now on.”

Tell me what you are going to do to improve your motivation levels/what you suggest instead/etc as others have suggested

Blooming perfect

Are you on Instagram? Miss Claire Benjamin is good on this kind of thing.

That’s a massive drip feed! You should have included that in your original post as her situation is more of a capability and health issue than an attitudinal one.

You need to be talking to your HR team about the absence and process for managing that, you can make your observations about her complaints as part of describing what you are concerned about in respect of whether she is well enough to be working and what support she needs to have improved attendance.

Whe you talk to HR make sure you include all the relevant information, as an HR professional ensuring that the right approach and process is used means we are more likely to get a good outcome for everyone and protect the business from unnecessary risks.

Her child has serious health problems and she is their mother, of course her world is going to be bleak and miserable, anyone’s would, hence all the negativity. Her life is currently negative and it’s easy to see why.

Don’t let it stress you out but also have more patience with her, her life is sliding down the drain, have some empathy.

Is there another manager who can meet with her or supervise her. The same approach doesn't suit everyone.

There is a lot of outing information on your post. I hope she doesn’t read mumsnet as I saw this on Facebook

I agree with those who say you need to create an action plan with her, get her to sign it, and review her actions after an agreed upon time.

She complains about

• How you manage the team- how you manage the team is your choice (so ignore these complaints).
• How boring her job is- Ask her what steps has SHE taken to work towards a different role? What would she like to do and which steps does she think she needs to do to get there? (Make sure she talks about what SHE has to do, not what has to be done for her).
• how others in the team don’t appreciate her: ask her to list the accomplishments she has had which she feels she is not appreciated for. Ask her how SHE acknowledges her colleagues accomplishments.

I would also simply summarise all her complaints and point blank ask what she is happy about “ok Jane I hear that you are unhappy with my managing style, that you find your work boring (for which we created an action plan and I am looking forward to seeing your development steps) and I hear that you feel unappreciated. Now I would like to hear what you are happy about at work as we need to look at all aspects, not just what is making you unhappy”.

" long term sickness absence over the whole summer due to stress". That's childcare, not sickness. And that make me think she is really playing the system. You need her gone.

This is pretty much me with a staff member apart from she is Bi polar which makes it so much worse
I feel your pain

I’d just ask for more detail and her suggestions for how she wants it to be changed and give realistic feedback for if that’s achievable. I’d also refer to hr to follow up.

explain each time that she needs to provide the solution not just highlight problems!

Thank you all for your advice. I know that her situation at home is very difficult at the moment and I am trying to be patient and understanding but her constant complaints towards me is just getting me down so much to the point that I started looking for a job elsewhere.
And I felt really guilty for feeling this way considering everything she is going through at home. I just want her to be happy at work but I feel I’m failing.

Anyway, I had a chat with my line manager about this and she said from her point of view, I’m doing fine as a manager.. she also reminded me that being disliked by a team member or two comes with any managerial roles so I should not worry too much 😂

Many of you gave me very good advice on how to approach this issue and I’ll certainly try and use some of those questions/approaches suggested.
Thank you all!