What should I do about this manager?

Rednails3 · 2024-12-05T23:38:52+00:00

Hi, I'm just looking for a bit of advice. There's a manager at work who ignores me. She started maybe a couple of months ago, she seems to speak to everyone else in the office but not me. I don't need to email her for anything to do with my work, it's just that it bothers me and it's obvious to me and quite upsetting. I feel uncomfortable in her presence. The other day she gave everyone a Christmas card and handed it to them and a brief chat but she stayed a couple of steps away from me and threw it, it landed on my keyboard and she walked away. I said Thank-you and she said you're welcome. I couldn't help but feel really angry after at the rudeness. I don't know know what I've done wrong, and I don't know how to handle it.

Doingmybest12 · 05/12/2024 23:42

Seems very odd and unprofessional. I'd have to be direct about this and ask is there a problem you are unaware of? If needed ask a colleague to support you with approaching them. Sounds absurd .

Original poster

Rednails3 · 05/12/2024 23:55

I did think about asking her outright but I talked myself out of it. I should add as well that I have logged this with my Team Leader but I've asked her not to act on what I've told her.

OP posts:

vdbfamily · 05/12/2024 23:57

It does seem odd but it is also quite frustrating as a manager/ team leader to be told stuff that people are not happy about but told not to act on it. Why not let your team lead deal with it however she thinks best.

DaftyLass · 06/12/2024 00:31

Why don't you want them to act on it, if it is upsetting you

Original poster

Rednails3 · 06/12/2024 07:35

My TL has said that she would watch from afar to see what she notices. I'm unsure if this was enough to bring to anyone's attention, so I'm waiting and seeing for now. Like I say, I'm unsure how to handle this.

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Doingmybest12 · 06/12/2024 07:55

It sounds like you've decided how to handle it. Keep your own log and talk to your manager again when you want them to do something about it. Otherwise maybe assume you are not on their radar. I thought this was a direct manager of yours. In a larger organisation there are always people who are rude, clumsy ,pick and choose who is on their radar. Know your own worth and ignore if you don't want it raised, it likely says more about them than you. I log this kind of thing in my mind just to be wary.

Original poster

Rednails3 · 06/12/2024 08:20

Doingmybest12 · 06/12/2024 07:55

It sounds like you've decided how to handle it. Keep your own log and talk to your manager again when you want them to do something about it. Otherwise maybe assume you are not on their radar. I thought this was a direct manager of yours. In a larger organisation there are always people who are rude, clumsy ,pick and choose who is on their radar. Know your own worth and ignore if you don't want it raised, it likely says more about them than you. I log this kind of thing in my mind just to be wary.

Thank you, that's good advice, I will keep a log. She is my line managers, managers manager (if that makes sense). Its a big organisation but a very small office. I think the card chucking has irked me and I wasn't sure if I was being a push over by just saying thank you?

OP posts:

Westofeasttoday · 06/12/2024 08:40

Ask to have a coffee with her. Write her an email and ask her so it shows effort. It may not be nice or comfortable but go and say you want to get to know her area and her part of the business. You may find once you are alone the ice may thaw.

I was given this advise once by a senior manager when I was quite junior and in your shoes. I hated the idea and doing it but it worked like a charm. I still didn’t like the guy but we found common ground with our kids.

Please don’t go down a formal route or complain. Sure speak to your manager about how you don’t feel you connect with this other person so that if they know something they can say and let them know you are asking them for a catch up. Then you have your managers support if it goes another way. Companies want to see adults acting like adults and not make a lot of notes and complain.

It won’t get better so address it or grey rock her. No other choices.

CC222 · 06/12/2024 11:17

Westofeasttoday · 06/12/2024 08:40

Ask to have a coffee with her. Write her an email and ask her so it shows effort. It may not be nice or comfortable but go and say you want to get to know her area and her part of the business. You may find once you are alone the ice may thaw.

I was given this advise once by a senior manager when I was quite junior and in your shoes. I hated the idea and doing it but it worked like a charm. I still didn’t like the guy but we found common ground with our kids.

Please don’t go down a formal route or complain. Sure speak to your manager about how you don’t feel you connect with this other person so that if they know something they can say and let them know you are asking them for a catch up. Then you have your managers support if it goes another way. Companies want to see adults acting like adults and not make a lot of notes and complain.

It won’t get better so address it or grey rock her. No other choices.

Edited

This is great advice. Definitely worth trying to move forward in this way.