In January last year my much-loved manager/Head of Department left for a better job. She was an integral part of the team and the entire organisation. People genuinely wept when she left. When I started as a manager my HoD let me know that the team was very quiet and a bit unfriendly. It was oddly cliquey, despite us being the two most senior members, and she actually once said that she was grateful when I started as I was the only one who would have conversations and respond to her. It was actually painful, I would be sat in teams calls where the others would be muted and she and I would just talk to each other. Thankfully, a new manager joined the team and one Officer who was so lovely and also commented on how difficult it was to have conversations with the rest of the team.
Over the year the nice officer and my lovely HoD have now gone, and we have had a new HoD since September who clearly hates the silence and lack of interaction. I'm quite introverted but try and make an effort when in our team settings. She's now commented openly on how quiet me and the other manager are despite us being the only two to chime in when everyone stares in silence. Neither of us are particularly happy with all the changes she's implemented and are too polite to mention it and are instead both looking for new jobs.
The new HoD keeps messaging quite patronising notes about how I need to be more confident when talking to the other teams. She's started to get other departments to send out agenda items with 'X will speak and feedback about. . .' I'm sure it's not a surprise to any teams that I'm not particularly vocal in meetings. I do my work and then some, essentially, we are in a support role and the co-workers we support try and do their best to get away with doing less. It's a running joke in our industry.
I don't love or even like this job (and was honest about this when I met the new HoD initially) but I did hope I could keep my head down until my youngest started school to figure out what I wanted to do, it's also a short drive to my office so when I started the pros mostly outweighed the cons. Especially as we only have three days of paid childcare and no family willing to help nearby. I work three long days and my husband works five days in four.
I'm getting so anxious about this job that I'm dreaming about it and I've started taking sertraline again.
I imagine that the new HoD is just trying to make her mark and thinks she's being helpful but I'm really struggling. She's added so much extra work to our roles, one of the officers has had a small meltdown and sort of expressed to her that she didn't like her style of management, but it went in one ear. I feel like I'm constantly being reminded of all the ways I'm not good enough. I'm not assertive, I don't offer my opinion enough etc. I feel like a pet project.
I'll never be particularly well paid but this is the most I've earned. I'm not sure what to do. I've found an assistant job in a sector I worked in 10 years ago but it's about £7k less, I'm considering going for that but I'm worried about what it will do to my CV.
I would be grateful for any advice, thank you.