Awkward 1:1 with manager

[warmbath]

I recently went for a promotion having been with my company for a number of years. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful and one of my colleagues who has been with the firm for less than 6months got the role and is now my manager. I feel resentful. I've tried to act professional but I am dreading my first management meeting with them next month. Feel like it's up to them to lead the meeting and ask me how I am doing and offer some opportunities if there are any. Anyone got some wisdom?

I'm sorry you didn't get the job. It stings when you're leapfrogged and it will take time to feel better from.

However, she got the job. Unless your employers are awful (in which case job should look for another job)-it's probably for a reason. I know this is hard but it's likely she was just a better fit for what they wanted.

you need to think really carefully about how you act here-it will set a precedent for your relationship going forward. Your options are

1. Outwardly act breezy and pretend everything is ok.
2. Acknowledge how you feel to her
3. Be surly and let them do the work

You're proposing doing 3 but I think this is the worst option both from a relationship and future career perspective.

Personally I would do 2, if she's worth her salt as a manager she'll understand and be sensitive and you'll feel better for getting it in the open.

If that feels too hard I'd do 1.

Over time it will get easier. I've been there and it does

I got an internal promotion over someone else at work who I now manage. I offered her time to talk as one of my first actions in post and she took it. We had a really good chat and I gave her space to let me know how she felt and actually all is good. I really value her as a team member and colleague.

Is it likely that your manager will be understanding and appreciate how you feel. Do you both know the situation? Personally, I would give her the chance to get this right. Assuming the worst and behaving negatively is probably the worst course of action.

It’s not her fault she got promoted. If you’re feeling undervalued by the business it wouldn’t be fair to take it out on her.

I'd feel resentful too. That's completely understandable.
She will probably feel really awkward and be expecting you to kickback, don't!
Be professional, congratulate her at the meeting and offer to support her as she finds her feet.
"If there's anything I can do to support you, just let me know,"
Two reasons:
*She's now your manager.
*You don't want to look unprofessional.
If you can't stand working for her, look for another job.
I totally understand how hard it will be to swallow your resentment.

It's ok to feel disappointed but your attitude feels more like entitlement. You feel that you were entitled to the promotion due to being there longer but you don't mention a long list (or even any) reasons why you might be more suitable to the role. You feel your employer should be providing you with opportunities. What are you doing to achieve a promotion? Its hard to know more without knowing the job but in my job a way to make yourself stand out at interview is to take on additional responsibilities (unpaid) to show you are capable. This can then help toward promotion. Why did you want the promotion? Was it status? Money? Career development? In my experience it tends to be the last one that really shines through in interview, people that show enthusiasm and are keen to progress at what they do.

I think you need to do some reflection. Did the other candidate have experience outside of your company? If so what was it? Has she progressed rapidly in her career? Nifty so why haven't you? How often do you seek promotion? What additional training have you done? How often do you go above and beyond?

Thank you for your responses which are very helpful. There are quite a few genuine reasons why I think I should have got the job over them, but would be quite outing and therefore haven't covered them in my post. Good point about building a relationship with them, which won't harm and may well help as she will feel bad for me and might identify opportunities for me.

And I am looking for another job!

I’ve been there and it stings, but you need to act professionally and with grace or it will really harm your future prospects.

Must because you've been there longer doesn't make you the best person for the job
You need to sick this up and let her do her job and be supportive of her