Taking leave from work "bullying?"

[hberry]

I work at a college in a support role, since I joined a coworker immediately doesn’t like me. Mainly one coworker as there’s some very decent people. When I started I got told she would be showing me everything when she got back, I got told she loves mentoring people. As soon as she met me she hardly spoke and I picked up on a attitude, very flat, but I thought some people just have that personality. even though in some aspects she’s been somewhat helpful I was just basically left to my own devices, like she seemed to not want to show me anything and just get on with her own work and talk to other people, which surprised me due to what I was told. Now a key thing is that she's rather cheery and very friendly with everyone else there, and she's in a clique of 3 girls (40yo her, a 26 yo who's nice, and a 21yo) they pretty much just chat together on our table as we are a team and I’m very much out of the circle, even when I try to get involved. It recently improved a bit, She use to discuss stuff about her life and so on, never looks at me or asks me anything in relation like I would with someone to include them, she just talks directly to them even when I've answered something. When I've started telling a story the lovely 25yo is the only one who looks and acknowledges me and answers. When I ask her something I very much just get one word answers, to this date if I do something wrong it’s met very an extremely dramatic response. A while ago when I mentioned to her I worry about work and scheduling therapy (which I need to work through my dads death which happened when I was younger) she just totally dismissed me without a word, I then said " how are people suppose to do it working full time" and she just quickly nodded and went back to listening in and participating with another coworkers conversation about work. I also must add she's COMPLETELY different with the guy coworkers. I say good morning and she ignores me. I'd usually think it was something I'd done but I've got this vibe from day one and honestly can't think of anything I've done. Maybe I have but I really hope not and I'm always cheery. I have now been there 8 months, I have asked for a work from home day for medical reasons supported by a doctor I have a chronic condition, and I feel I’ve been treated differently by everyone now, the coworkers in question have commented expressing their discontent with me not being able to cover overtime on Wednesdays which is my day I work from home. Last night I went to a birthday party, in a nutshell I went out with one of the girls I work with for a birthday party as she said she didn’t want to go alone last night and everything came out, that the hiring manager said I have potential but I was odd, that her and the other coworker cringe because of how bad coworker in question treats me, she’s been saying all good things to my face and then really slating me behind my back about the amount of work I do (that actually isn’t my duty) and my quality of work when I do it, and I have a work from home day due to my bowel problem the doctor asked for for me and they’ve all had something to say about it due to me not being able to do overtime instead of them and I just feel like that’s really toxic. Another thing she mentioned is due to ofsted being inspecting, she bought 21yo worker a box of chocs for “helping with ofsted” and for “being someone on her wave length”even though I was present throughout and actually did a 1-2-1 meeting of my own with them, and 21yo said she’s purposely doing it to isolate me, she says things to my face to make me think things have changed but then slates me behind my back. This and the job itself (due to student behaviour) has been damaging my mental health for a long time and I am now prepared to go on the sick for a while to recover and find a new job, however I’m scared of doing this due to the response it’ll get. Everyone seems to slag eachother off, my manager can be very fair but recently changed since I wfh, I have an issue with flushing and getting anxious, and made a comment about feeling stressed about ofsted in a group meeting and he said “oh (my name) seriously I mean come on” I felt a bit daft, but I’ve always felt like a freak in there, people couldn’t stand I was quiet and reserved, but I never not smile at people as I think that’s a basic kindness. There’s much more but that’s enough for now. If you’ve read this, thank you for your time and empathy

Part of my sympathises but at the same time I'm not sure I would even class this as bullying. She's a knob that doesn't like you and makes it obvious.

My advice would be either to grow a thicker skin or, find a new job. Like, deal with the problem though. What is the point in sick leave? It'll only make things worse when you go back.

Work friends are not friends. I can also understand why they'd be pissed if they have to pick up your slack. There's no reason why therapy for your trauma should have to take place on work time. Book weekend appointments.

How are your friendships outside work?
Because it seems like its bothering you that this cow doesn't like you because it's keeping you, in your head, from forming friendships with the others. Which you might not crave so much if you had a better circle of friends outside work. You don't want to be friends with these losers anyway.

I'd say, step up or step off. Act like you don't care what she thinks. Keep record of her shitty behaviours and report her to hr if you get anything concrete. But - He said she said and her being cold with you, don't count, sorry.

Hi, so as for the therapy I have that after work hours but my therapist does this out of overtime as she usually only works 9-5 which is when I'm in work, so I was just expressing that it's hard when you work the same hours! As for the sick leave, this is what has been recommended to give me some time to recover due to my mental health being so bad, I've been in the place recently where I've been hoping I fall and have an injury to have time off! Which isn't normal. To be fair I'm worried about jumping off and finding another job and the way I'm going to be treat during my notice!

Many therapists do not work weekends, especially NHS ones. This was a needlessly unkind response.

I'd job hunt during your sick leave then.

Either that or don't go back until you feel tough enough to handle the bs. It sucks when there's a work asshole... but clearly everyone else is tweaking she has issues, so I would just try ignore her as much as possible. Give back the same cold energy she does you. But keep it polite of course.

Be very careful not to be alone with her. Certainly never call her up on her behaviour without witnesses. As you don't want her to be able to lie about what you said. She sounds the type.

Take the time off. But consider seriously if you want to go back.