How to just… stop caring?

[HEC2746]

You know when you’re bored and sort of coasting, but things are a bit of a mess in the company and no real opportunities are on the horizon, and the job market it quiet (and niche anyway) and your job isn’t at risk, all you need to do it accept that you’re just going to be coasting for a while but your preference would be to be busier and get stuck into something new - how do you get your head around it and stop feeling frustrated?

quietly look for something new, your in employment, you say there’s no risk so I would stick at it and look around, you are in an excellent position to look.

Do some training, maybe? It sounds like it'd be a good time to be taking that on without mentally overloading yourself, and you might even get to do some of it in work time?

Anything else you could be doing at work that would enhance your employability, like mentoring or speaking at events, or taking part in their charitable work, assuming they do some?

Well, it sounds like you DO care as otherwise you’d be happily coasting.

You can either ask for a side project in your current job, to satisfy your need to be busy and do something different. Or mentor someone in the team or outside.

Or look outside work.

Look up some online courses in new skills that interest you.

Or do something just for you in the side. Small business? Etsy sales?

If that’s not your bag, volunteer for something - charities are often looking for volunteer trustees if you want to be involved at that level, or just volunteer and get involved at weekends. Our local food bank is always asking on Facebook for people to help with food drives or even helping them with social media / email templates etc.

I’m suggesting these things as it sounds like you want to have more purpose and you have more to give. Work doesn’t have to be where you find that!

I second the volunteering. It’s kept me sane and feeling like I have true purpose when jobs have been a bit meh.

I do need a bit of purpose, you’re right, and while my job isn’t important at least feeling like I was challenged and doing a good job gave me a sense of purpose which has now vanished. It’s quite difficult to sit back and do the bare minimum, but there’s little opportunity to do anything else at the moment.

Thanks for the good tips. I can throw myself into my wider profession with mentoring and committees and articles. I’d love to volunteer but don’t have any outside work time, but I’m sure there is something out there that requires more desk based volunteering so I will look into that.

I need some kind of adjustment in my mind to remind me that it’s just a job and it’s not reflection on me and my professional skills if the company is going through a weird phase and they’re not utilising me how I think I could be of use!

I'm in your position. I find it hard not to care as it's just not me, but I've reached my ceiling at the current company. I'm working on not doing more than my contracted hours and quietly applying for other jobs.

In same position here

Literally the entire team couldn't give a shit and don't care if they demonstrate that. But nothing changes

I keep plodding on due to the money, pension and WFH

It is a bit soul destroying but what's the alternative???

I've applied for promotions internally but for one reason and another, mainly because I think my face doesn't 'fit' for whatever reason I don't get offered different roles

Which make some feel even more defeated and not like giving a shit

🤔

Set another goal. Take a course, write a paper, connect with an external group, do some volunteering. Whatever will inspire and motivate you.

I stopped caring about my part-time office job because:

• my employer expects me to do do the equivalent of a full time workload over 3 days and also to take on additional responsibilities not in my JD but is unwilling to recognise my contribution though a pay rise
• I am not offered any opportunity to attend external training courses or have any kind of career development
• my employer treated appallingly when I has some serious health issues last year.

So now I do the minimum required and no longer bother to try to deal with the chaos and lack of efficiency in that organisation.

Instead I put all my passion in my freelance work which I do the rest of the week.

I just see my part-time role as something that complements my freelance work and for which I have absolutely no commitment to. I am job hunting as well and will be delighted to be able to replace this current part-time role with a new one when the time comes.

My employer has shown me it does not value me in the slightest so I am just mirroring their behaviour...

Exactly! There are big issues in our team that management won’t fix, and any attempt to highlight them or suggest fixes is seen as being a bit of a pain in the arse.

It is soul destroying, but I don’t want it to be. There’s more to life, I just need to readjust somehow in my head and focus on that instead. The salary and flexibility are pretty good so I need to try and focus on how those are positive things. And find something else to be my focus!

I could have written this message...I am in the same situation. Job market is stagnant, otherwise I'd be making a move asap

Same here @biedrona i could have written your post. I loved my job so much then got a new director and she’s managed to make my job really dull. I did a post grad qualification to keep me interested. Now that’s done so I work 9-5, take lunch and do what I need to. It’s convenient and pays well. Next step probably means a commute so I need my children to be a little older. Only a year or two. I can’t tolerate this much longer.

I'm the same as coxesorangepippin just plodding along.

I spent a good chunk of my work time planning my real life. After all, the job is a means to an end.

I have a time consuming hobby, enough energy to cook lovely dinners and lots of books to read.

I get to wfh a lot and I need to start thinking about getting my work done in less time and using the other time to cook, bake, do some exercise etc. Work as means to an end and all that. As someone said earlier, if they don’t respect me (bigger company which is currently shitting all over the “little” people) then why should I respect them?

Can you do something non work related in the down time? Study/read/write? Or get the work done and go and do your own stuff/exercise/shop/eat etc. I used to find it helped if I went for a brisk walk at lunchtime. If you wfh can you get household chores done during the working day whilst still completing your tasks? Don't take the piss but claw back a bit of me time as a bit of retribution. Play them at their own game. Keep repeating 'not my circus, not my monkeys' under your breath 😂

Same here. High paying role but no actual work. It’s not that the work isn’t there to be done, it’s that the environment is toxic and over time I’ve disengaged. Anytime I tried to take ownership of an area I got undermined so I gave up. I’ve told my code twice that I am underworked and nothing changes now I feel no guilt about spending my work day on things for me

@Depressedatwork that sounds so similar. I feel bad about the amount I’m paid considering how little I do some days, but every time I tell senior management I have time to take on other projects nothing comes my way. I suspect I’ve pushed a bit recently and that’s made me fall a little out of favour, which is so frustrating. I don’t like being the person who coasts when others are busy but there is only so much I can do to take those workloads away. It’s hard to flick that switch in your brain and basically think, fuck you then, I’ll take a two hour lunch break and deep clean the kitchen. It’s demoralising when you’ve spent what’s being proud of projects you’ve landed and similar.

Yep, it’s soul destroying but I can’t keep crying at work everyday. It’s damaging my wellbeing and I’ve never been a person to get stressed at work. Luckily I mostly WFH so don’t have to pretend to be working all day. It’s tempting to just go off sick, I’d get 6 months on full pay, but I’m looking for other jobs so don’t want that on my record.

Yes! There are days when I can feel my stress level racketing and I’m so frustrated and pissed off, and I know I need to change that before I just become an arsehole to live with for my family. I’ve also thought about taking a few weeks off sick, partly to give myself some time, partly to make the point that they are mismanaging everyone, though I doubt it would - but like you, I know it won’t look great on my record.

How do you stop yourself when you start getting wound up?

I think it's all about changing your mindset.

I'm a teacher and have taken a step back and now aren't responsible for a class, I cover PPA time and some management time.

I do my job and am professional but zone out in any meetings that don't affect me. I don't do anything extra,so no after school clubs or offering to do extra like help out at summer fair etc after school. I leave everyday by 4pm and rarely bring anything home.

I'm retiring next year and am going to find a part time job doing something else.

I don’t really get wound up in angry way, I get frustrated and I did take a few days off sick recently citing my mental wellbeing (which is so not me), partly as a warning shot but also because I was snippy and rude with people due to the frustration.

My issue is that I just don’t feel a job exists there for me to fill. I have asked for clarity about what it is i am meant to do but don’t get an answer and I know that on a 6 figure salary i should be able to work it out for myself but I’m so beaten down by it that i just can’t.

It’s just all so toxic, I have peers who blind copy our manager in to emails to try and get me in trouble, staff who go to my manager anytime I say a thing they don’t like, meetings happen that I am not invited to and don’t get any feedback about yet I’m expected to lead on that programme. it’s like trying to do a job with both hands tied behind your back. I’m expecting they’ll try and get rid of me.

I’m really sorry, that sounds so tough. How long have you been there?

Couple of years there but continuity of service for many more (civil service). I’ll be expensive to get rid of!

@Depressedatwork a good way of thinking about it!