New manager- being patronised by another member of my team

[Josephinesmith49]

Hi, I just wanted some advice/ other people's thoughts on this situation!
To set the scene i am 28 years old,I work in a particular industry and have recently become a manager, the deputy manager is also a 28 year old female who has been there a couple of years.

I am doing great in terms of the team meeting targets (we're beating our targets and the getting the highest we ever have since I've been in charge), my manager is very happy with me and says I've fit in well etc. And extremely happy with my performance.
However, there is one member in the team that I manage who is in her early 40s & used to be a manager in the same field that we work in (but for a different company). She CONSTANTLY makes digs at me & the other deputy manager, saying 'well I would've handled the situation differently', is never ever happy with any decisions made by us & she constantly drags the mood down, whispering in corners to other colleagues about how shit our management is & that she would do a much better job. Recently during a team meeting we set out a new process we've put in place & she kept making digs under her breath after other colleagues said how much of a good idea it is & she's saying things like 'really, is it?' And 'i wouldn't have done it like that'. At this point she really hates us that much that we can't do anything right in her eyes & she's starting to warp the opinion of other members of the team that she's very close to, she's quite a manipulative woman.
It's really taking its toll on me, I've only been in this role 6 months & I am performing really well in the eyes of the company, I'm just struggling with this constant negativity from her.
What are people's thoughts on this situation?

One aspect about a managerial role that you need to get to grips with is managing staff issues, and it sounds like you’re not yet fully confident in this area. The fact that you’re mentioning this woman’s age makes me think you believe she’s behaving the way she does because of her age. That’s not a great viewpoint to hold.
You need to think about how you can approach her in order to deal with her behaviour in a way that’s not seen as negative. There’s a woman on Instagram who shows scenarios of disputes in the workplace and how to manage them effectively - I’ll see if I can find her and post a link. She’s very good!

https://www.instagram.com/missclairebenjamin?igsh=MXJsbnUyM213b29qdg==

You need to grip this now. I probably would have spoken to this person much earlier. She's being passive aggressive and it'll only get worse.

Schedule a 1-2-1 meeting. "Hi awkward person. I wanted to take this time for us to have a chat because Ive noticed that several times, when we have our team meetings, you say x, y and z when I'm talked about a, b, and c. A couple of specific examples are blah blah and blah blah.

"I find it distracting and I'm concerned that it can create a negative atmosphere when we should all be trying to work together positively as a team. Are you aware that you're doing this?"

If she says no, then say: "In that case I'm really pleased I brought it up because now you can be more aware of it happening and stop it. <friendly, helpful smile on your face> I'm really happy to support you by letting you know if you continue to do it. And if you have anything that you want to talk to me about 1-2-1, or any ideas or suggestions, my door is open to you."

If she says yes, then say: "Can you tell me more about why you feel it's necessary to disrupt the meetings like that? It would be helpful to understand because I need you to stop doing it so we need to work out why its happening. We can go through some ways that you can communicate ideas and suggestions in this time that we have together today."

One aspect about a managerial role that you need to get to grips with is managing staff issues, and it sounds like you’re not yet fully confident in this area.

Pretty much this, you need to manage it.

And let your line manager know that you're going to tackle it so she can have your back.

Good luck! People management can be tough.

Excellent suggestion from @GreenSedan I would add in a review period to that so that my team member is clear that I’m keeping an eye on this.

Meting targets is only one part of being a manager - the people management side can be very challenging. Have you had training or support with that?

Managers will almost always have one team member who creates difficulties. Definitely have a meeting and tell them that you’d like them to make any comments to your face, not behind your back. In addition, if they raise problems, they have to generate suitable solutions too. Then you’ll have to listen to what they have to say but it’s reasonable to restrict their points to the two main ones rather than a whole laundry list.

Avoid labelling this person in your mind as a problem and time-waster. Instead, think of her as a safety net - someone good at spotting issues with a new procedure and thus preventing you from making potential mistakes.

Turning a negative into a positive will avoid any possible accusations of bullying/harassment which this person could potentially raise against you. Definitely keep your manager informed and make sure they’ll back you up.

It’s probably always going to be a niggle for you so acceptance of this is part of management.

I would meet with her and outline what her role and responsibilities are and also what they are not.
You need to establish your authority here and let her know it's your job to deal with new processes etc. But also what standards are expected.
Additionally highlight the effect her negativity it may have on the team and outline behavioural expectations moving forward.
Document the conversation and follow up e mail outlining discussion.
If behaviour continues begin formal process.

Main thought - you’ve got a lot still to learn about management.

The performance metrics are one thing, but they tend to be quite laggy. How you manage the people in the team is what makes the difference for long term success. That’s the tough bit of being a manager. Dishing out tasks to people is the easy bit.

At this point this is definitely something for you to work on rather than a ‘her’ problem (she is a problem, but one that’s totally within the scope of pretty basic level people management).

As a manager you need to be pretty consistent, and not let consistently poor behaviour slide. It sounds like you’ve been letting this go so far, so she’ll keep doing it. Ideally would have nipped in the bud well before now, but you’ve missed that boat.

Have a chat with your manager about the issue and how to approach it, run your thoughts past them and then get on with it. Benefit ot running past your manager first is that you get their input on any wider context, and also backing if further issues come up. Once you’re better at it, this basic stuff won’t need running past someone else. Good luck.

I think this is massively simplistic. Difficult colleague could easily deny everything and make matters much worse.

who is in her early 40s Ageism.

you don't sound suitable/ready for a management role