Speak to current employer before applying elsewhere?

[Howtohelpbirds]

I would like some advice on what you would consider the right thing to do in my situation.
I moved just over an hour away from my job several years ago with the expectation that I would commute until finding something more local.
However when my employer found out about my move they offered me a couple days wfh as a way to keep me and save me commuting every day.

This has been ok for a few years however the commute is still sapping me off energy and time even if it's not 5 days. I also feel frustrated with the way things are in the company and my salary (other vacancies for a similar job description offer more)
I have seen a few local jobs that look very promising and would like to apply.
However I feel guilty as it would leave my employer in a situation where there would be no one to take over my role (I have a key position and a lot of knowledge so they rely on me for a lot, as do my colleagues) and they have always been kind to me. You're more than a number there.

WWYD? Just go for it with new job applications and accept a role if it would improve your work life balance and pay?
Or, before doing anything, speak to the employer about doing more days at home, more flexible hours and more pay before looking elsewhere?
Part off me feels like I owe them that, however at the same time I think it's highly unlikely they'd go for it anyways, I still don't know if it would be enough for me in the long term. I also feel that it's only logical for me, living where I do, to look for opportunities closer, so if they really wanted to, they could have been more generous already - but haven't been.

But at the same time I feel guilty about just going for other opportunities. Should I feel bad for not speaking to them first?
As much as I'm sick of the commute, believe I could get paid more and have an eye on wanting to start a family in future, where having this commute would not be compatible with having enough time for a family (in my opinion), I still feel guilty.
Mind you my current employer also doesn't offer mat pay, and local companies are a bit more generous in that respect.

You'd be in a better negotiating position if you can say: I've received another job offer, better it or I'm leaving. But tbh it sounds like you've made up your mind to move on and fwiw I think that's the right decision. Stop this nonsense about loyalty and do what's best for you. But test the market and see if you actually get any job offers before telling your employer.

Don’t tell them first. Believe me, as indispensable as you think you are (and may even seem to them), you are not.

Find another job first, then have the conversation.

I wouldn't tell them. It's doesn't sound like it's just the money, it's the commute that's the problem so offering you more money's won't help that.

The job market is very fickle at the moment and it could take you months to find another job.

It depends what the reference culture is in your industry.

I’m a teacher, we have to tell the head if we are applying elsewhere as they have to be a referee and the most often request references before interview.

Don’t tell them first. You have a notice period - that is the decision your employer has made about how much notice they need to replace you.

I've heard this is the way it's done in teaching and I've always wondered why that is? If you're interviewing 6 candidates that means 5 managers have to provide a reference unnecessarily for someone who is not going to be offered a job.

In NHS we must use our current line manager as one of our references but they only request the reference for the candidate they're offering job to after the interview. The interviews are competency based.

Thanks all. That's been helpful and what I needed to hear to stop feeling bad about wanting to move on. I will start applying to a few things and see what the response is and ultimately decide what's best for me and my future.

I don't think you should feel bad - you worked for several more years after they accommodated your needs after your move and no one is expected to stay at the same company forever. I would apply for the jobs first and only tell them if you receive an offer. You don't owe a company anything - they should always be prepared for the possibility of someone leaving, no matter how valued they might be.

We all feel guilty like this, but in reality you always have to put your own family first
I always think about the fact that people in very very top jobs (eg Liz Truss) can leave with no notice so actually it's fine for us mere mortals

Just a little update on this thread. Thank you all for your advice. Soon after, I applied, interviewed and then only a couple days ago was offered a new job that is just up the road from me, but still hybrid and lots of other benefits not offered by my current employer. They sound like a really great company with lots of opportunity.

I can't believe I actually found something so ideal and matching my skills so well and actually got the offer so soon after posting.

However, so I went to give notice at my current role today, but wanted to speak to my director in person as I felt that was more appropriate given how close we work. But he said they really don't want to lose me and insisted I take a few days to think about what they can do to keep me there and let him know what I want, as they are willing to adjust in order to keep me.

As lovely as this is to hear, I am really excited about the new role and think it is the best decision.
But now wondering if I'm stupid to not take my boss up on the offer and end up staying where I am but, wfh full time and perhaps a salary increase. I felt like he would be willing to agree to that.

Part of me thinks that isn't what I want, as the new company and role excites me more, but because of his proposition I now feel even more guilty about sticking to my guns and leaving for the new role.

WWYD

I also feel frustrated with the way things are in the company and my salary (other vacancies for a similar job description offer more)

Congratulations on the new job! I'd take it.

Your current employer could have raised your salary in the past if they really valued you but they didn't, they've paid you what they could get away with. You also don't know whether things will change in the future regarding WFH and you don't want to end up with a commute again

Are there adjustments that the old employer might make, that the new employer might make and the new one probably won't that you really need? For example
if you are a single mum to young kids or have a illness that makes you randomly poorly, then WFH might be the difference between having to manage on sick pay/no pay for large chunks of time and not.

If not though, go for the new job. You sound excited about the opportunity. The old employers could give you all the benefits in the world - WFH as much as you want, high salary for what you do, lower working hours, more holidays, you name it, but it won't make up for an opportunity to do something different, work in a different environment, meet new people, if you want those things which you sound like you do.

I feel guilty as it would leave my employer in a situation where there would be no one to take over my role (I have a key position and a lot of knowledge so they rely on me for a lot, as do my colleagues

No one is indispensable. Not even you.
You do what's right for you. Your employer will survive without you.