Returning to work after mat leave dilemma

[LittleMissStroppyPants]

Hiya

I'm currently 4 months into mat leave. I will likely be returning to work after 8 or 9 months due to finances.

I work 4 days a week. My commute is 1.5- 2 hours each way. Most days I'm out of the house for 12 hours, sometimes more. I'm definitely going to have to look for something else closer to home after returning.

I have tried expressing and feeding DS a bottle but he is having none of it, I'll keep persisting, but what do I do if he won't take a bottle? I know he'll be eating solids but then but 12+ hours without a feed just feels too long.

During the pandemic we worked from home mostly and did 1 out of 4 weeks in the office. However, we have returned fully to the office and management are not open to hybrid working for my role, although some of my colleagues in other teams do 2 days in the office and 3 days from home. We do have clients come into the office, but other teams do also.

I know my employer is not likely to budge on working from home, as people have left due to lack of flexibility.

I'll obviously keep trying to express in this time but what would you do if DC does not take a bottle? I'm keen to continue breastfeeding. I breastfed until my eldest was 2, but DS1 was 13 months when I returned to work and was down to 2 feeds per day.

The thought of returning to work at the moment is causing me a lot of anxiety.

Help!

Who is DC refusing a bottle from? You? Are they refusing from someone else, outside of your home, when you’re nowhere near?

I've tried.

DH has tried and I've stayed out of the way and left them to it.

This has been at home.

Do you need to return for a set period of time or pay back enhanced maternity leave? If not, just find a new job now on maternity leave.

I wouldn’t worry - babies change very quickly! When my DD was 4 months she’d refuse bottles, but by 6 months she took it and now at 9.5 months is fully formula fed and at nursery. I’d been so worried about her going when she was 4 months but she changed massively as she grew.

You could try to introduce a cup when they have enough head/ hand control - a tommee tippee one for example (you can try an open one too but if it's milk you might be less relaxed about spills!)

You'll be doing this for water anyway when they start weaning, and then whoever's caring for your baby can just give them the milk option when they're due. They can still lie back and cuddle if it's a closed cup.

@WhereIsMyLight I've received enhanced maternity pay, so I need to return for 3 months minimum. But it will take a while for me to find something similar to my current salary.

@Lucy211 thank you. That makes me feel slightly better!

@Fancycardi1990 thank you! Will definitely try this when he is bigger.

Where will DC be whilst you’re at work? At home with Dad? If it’ll be a nursery, it’s a new environment with new people…

@LittleMissStroppyPants Maternity leave is not long enough! It makes my blood boil that we are not given 2 years full pay which is what we need! I am so sorry you are having to spend your maternity deciding on what to do.
if you can afford it, I would suggest a career break, go onto Universal Credit temporarily until you are ready to go back to work or try to find something part time or closer to home if you can. I honestly hate employers that are not mindful of working mums. I never breast fed but I know it can be a hard change for baby, if you can take time out of work then you can continue breast feeding a bit longer and not have that stress of time to ween them off and onto a bottle.

@CowTown DS will be with relatives.

@Motherof1and2dogs I know! I wished it was a given that mat leave was longer. I'm luckier than some who have to return sooner than me, but it's honestly breaking my heart. We have an expensive mortgage unfortunately, taking DH's salary into account we would only get a tiny amount of UC and we simply could not afford it. I already am part time, albeit by half a day.

He'll have no problem just waiting by 8 or 9 months if he really refuses to take any milk while you're gone, but most likely he will in fact drink when you're not there, and at 6 months you can introduce a cup anyway.

Babies change so quickly, it's a long time til you're going back to work. I never gave DD a bottle at all. From 6 months she began with water in a sippy cup at meal times. I returned to work at 9 months and by then she was happy drinking milk from her cup.

He'll be very different by the time you go back to work, there's no point worrying about it now.

Mine was having loads of feeds a day at about that age. By nine months was having 2 breastfeeds and 2 small bottles- which is easily fitted in around a work day. They need so much less milk by that age.

Plus they often behave differently in a childcare setting with experienced staff - napping well and taking bottles even if they don't at home.

You can carry on BFing around work. I only BF twice a day from 9 months and once a day from 18mo and still BF for more than three years. The supply just keeps going at the amount of BFing you're doing.

Thank you all. My mind is put at ease.

As PP’s I think the feeding will be ok, he will adapt. However I would be looking for another job as soon as you can/have done the 3 months - the commute sounds killer with a little one.
It’s so disappointing a lot of employers won’t allow some hybrid working (especially when some teams have it) because it is a game changer for a parent to not be exhausting yourself travelling on top of your role and looking after your little one.

@sweetpeaorchestra Definitely! They have lost good people because of the lack of flexibility. But they still will not budge. I'm 'lucky' I'm part time, it gives me a small amount of work life balance. Otherwise I'd have left a long time ago.