Looking for perspective on professional email etiquette...

[marriagehelpplease]

For 2 years, a senior manager has:

• Never addressed me by name in emails (just "Hi")
• Never used courtesies like "hope you have a good weekend"
• Kept communication minimal and basic

However, I just saw their email to a junior colleague where they:

• Used their name ("Hi [Name]")
• Added "hope this is ok"
• Wished them a nice weekend (in two years never done this?

For context - I'm more senior than the person, the report to me directly.

Am I reading too much into the difference in communication style?

Interested in others' professional opinions, especially from those in management positions.

Do you work for me? Never put pleasantries. Lucky if you get a Hi. I get 400 emails a day and true and respond quickly. If someone if new I may try and top and tail whatever I would normally put to ease them in. It yes thinking way too much on it

Ok that's fine thanks for replies although I still feel if people are saying it's a common thing why is this person being selective over who they do it to?

I'm also not talking about a one off it's two whole years!!!

But fair enough I'm clearly reading into it

Really?

Maybe they think you are too busy and important for them to bother you with small talk and guff. Whereas the people who are junior to them, they make a point of making small talk and being polite, so the junior person feels important.

You might be reading too much in, it's impossible to say based on this.

@LordEmsworth I appreciate more context is needed but of course I don't want to divulge too much.

Let's say we don't have the best relationship either and that's why I think it's personal

Your manager has a better relationship with your colleague.

To be honest I’ve never seen someone so concerned about seniority and you’re coming off a bit strange about small thing.

@StormingNorman I'm their manager.

I am always careful to be friendly and courteous to my direct reports, and show a caring face.

When reporting to my managers or superiors I'm only really chatty to my actual mates, I'd feel uncomfortable being overtly chummy with my bosses, and wouldn't do social chit chat. That said, I'd always address them by name unless it was the sixth meal in the chain.

Even less reason to worry about this then - they have no power over you and some people just don't like their manager on principle.

Either there is something important that you're not telling us or you need some time away from the office!

@BadForBusiness it's more the name to be honest that I find odd, not the chit chat part of it.

I'm not being daft but why is the name something you would do is it fair to say leaving someone's name off emails for two years or rude or am I wrong when it comes to basic etiquette?

@RadioBamboo lol I'm trying to work out if this is rude/them having something against me or if I'm imagining it!

So? Why is that important in your mind? You’re going to have to break it down for me like I’m stupid.

@StormingNorman you asked!

You're their manager? You've had a difficult relationship for the last couple of years. Why would you expect their email comms to be anyone other than brief and to the point? It's highly likely they don't like you! But so what? This can't be surprising surely?

I did ask. Why are you so concerned about being senior? And why do you think that should affect how your manager communicates?

You just get on better with some people than others.

I tend to be 'nicer' to the more junior/less experienced/lower paid/don't actually know me that well staff in emails - I don't want them to feel as though I'm barking orders at them or trying to stitch them up (something I have all too much experience of receiving in my inbox over the years).

People who have been there for years and know me are aware that my emails to them are me 'speaking' rather than performing for an audience and, as everybody's busy, I get to the point with them, rather than faffing around with 'hope you are well' and all that shite that usually turns up immediately before you are dumped on from a great height.

Oh, and when I don't 'confirm' an email, it's generally because I'm actually doing whatever is required of me as a result of it; my argument is that if I'm fannying around doing Reply All Thank Yous and Got Its, I'm wasting time that could be better spent doing it and not wasting everybody else's time in reading yet another unnecessary email.

@marriagehelpplease youre the more senior and yet you're coming across as quite junior.

you need to develop a hide like a 🦏 - this subordinate is trying to show you disdain by being deliberately frosty, and you're falling for it. Show them equal frostiness, revenge is a dish best served cold. Two can play at that game.

.... that, or be really really uber nice to them. Kill 'em with kindness.

Well, if you don't have the best relationship then I'm sure it is personal.

Some people are just nasty so he obviously doesn't like you and this is his way of showing it.

I often don't even say hi to my manager and he doesn't say hi to me but we like each other so neither of us minds.

I will always say hi + name to the people I manage.

Hi without a name is brusque and pointed if it’s not their normal form of address to everyone.

Just name with no Hi I find rude.

I don’t do hope you’re well or have a good weekend at all in work emails. It doesn’t bother me if others do it, but what really winds me up is people on Teams who do several messages before they say what they want.

Well, if you don't have the best relationship then I'm sure it is personal.
Some people are just nasty so he obviously doesn't like you and this is his way of showing it.

Or, you interpret everything in the worst possible light because you don't like that person/think they don't like you?

I'm strugging with this situation at work. A colleague doesn't like me, and finds a fault en everything I do. How and what tone I used when saying good morning, where I sit, how I stand. She would definitely complain that I only said hi to her, but one day said Hi, name, to someone else - or vice versa.
Whereas my manager and I have a good relationship and neither of us keeps track of those things.

So could it be that you're reading more into the situation? Maybe she was just being extra nice to the junior colleague, but emails to all other people the same way they email you?

How are your emails to them? Are they friendly, tell them to have a good weekend etc.?

I’m a senior manager reporting to the CEO. My emails to my boss are fairly short and to the point. We get on fine, but we don’t have a friendly chatty relationship. Emails to other senior managers depend on my relationship with them. I’m more chatty/friendly with work mates. Emails to anyone junior are warm, friendly, hope you have a good weekend / hope your mum is feeling better etc. Though nothing that invites conversation like how are you, do you have plans for the weekend or anything.

you admit you don’t have a great relationship, but they report to you - have you spoken to them about it in an effort to improve things?

Thinking about it, I’m less likely to use names with people I get on best with, including my direct team or senior managers I work closely with. We’re all too busy for flowery chat.

Hi, could you check over this report for me today? I’m sending it out later. Ta. W

vs

Hi Jean, would you mind looking over the attached report for me today, and let me know if you have any comments before I circulate it to the team?

Many thanks,
WhatWould…

Maybe they think the more junior person could be more snowflake and put in more effort than they'd like to keep them on side?

With you they know you know what's what and get on with the job, you're both busy, it's a sign of respect.

I will email similar to your team member to my line managers / immediate team, I know them well enough to not have to put too many pleasantries + fluff up the email unnecessarily.

I'll put more padding to emails to other teams / people junior to me, so it doesn't come across as abrupt.

I am paid to be professional not to be friends with people at work. This person may well feel the same. Emails to people I consider friends have fair more pleasantries then people I email because that’s what I’m paid to do.

He likes the junior, he doesn’t like you. HTHs.

This. I take much more care in communication with my trainee (in his first job) than I do with more experienced colleagues. It's important that he knows I'm approachable and that he can speak up if he's unsure or overwhelmed.

I can't imagine noticing that someone never uses my name. I probably wouldn't notice a greeting even it it was "Hey cunt."