Os it wrong to recognise personality types and work with them?.

[Bigstyle]

I have a new boss.

He has managed to royally piss off our IT company. Now the MD (of IT company) is a difficult man. I think, as a person who enjoys people, fascinating. There must be a complex history there, but I've developed a good working relationship with him and his company do a good job for us.

I've tried to say to my boss, that I understand the issues, but even if we decide to change supplier, we do need to keep him on side for the time being if we want a smooth handover. Explained some of the things I find that help. E.g he needs to be liked, so I make him feel liked.

My boss looked at me like I've got two heads, despite the fact that he is recognised as a leadership guru.

I thought this was a key part of management and leadership?

You would think, wouldn’t you.

Im not in as senior a position as I have been in the past, but I used to find it utterly perplexing how many leaders couldn’t recognise this. The person who works best if you meet them and talk it through, the person who needs it by email first to think about it, the person who needs to think it was their idea!

Too many bosses have a major ego and just let power go to their head. They could do with reading the Aesop fable about the wind and the sun

I agree with @greengreyblue - it’s often an ego thing when people can’t do this. Some people (especially men) seem to think they’re “giving in” if they work in the way that you’ve suggested. I agree with you that it’s better to adapt your style to try and get what you need out of a situation. I think there’s a psychological term for dealing with people in this way, but can’t remember what it’s called - mirroring? Or is that something else?

There is a point at which it becomes pandering and costs you more energy though. If the IT guy is a supplier, he should be making some effort to be easy to work with otherwise his clients will ditch him for someone more pleasant. A supplier with whom only one person can deal is about as useful as an IT system that only one person understand.