Ex colleagues and expectations

[MissingSpaces]

When a colleague leaves your place of work, do you keep in touch? By this, I mean someone you got along with well. I’ve had one drop off recently, not heard a thing and my birthday was Monday and no card nor message.
Are my expectations too high?

So you still work there and the other person has left? In that case, ubnless you were particularly good friends and saw each other out of work then no, I wouldn't expect a card from them (or message).

I’ve found it often drifts once the work connection shifts. I’m quite sad about a couple of lost friendships but life moves at pace and it’s hard to keep in touch.

What's a drop off?

I tend to keep in touch with colleagues who have become real friends. Some of them fall by the wayside after a few meet ups when we discover we actually don't have that much in common when no longer working together. Some have become lifelong friends. It takes time to find out which are which!

Ex colleagues who don't become real friends - I expect nothing at all except maybe catching up at mutual friends events.

It’s quite disappointing. My boss and I both left at the same time to go to different companies some years ago. We’d worked together for years, both had children at the same time and been through various ups and downs. He said it was like a divorce. I’ve literally never seen or heard from him since (apart from occasionally seeing his LinkedIn updates so I know he’s still alive!). So weird after speaking every day! Of course it’s a bit easier with female colleagues suggesting meeting for a coffee but agree some people just want to move on.

I exchange birthday cards with very few people, and none of them are even current colleagues.

Agree with this and it’s not always who you’d think. Kept in touch with a girl I worked with, we’d not been particularly close friends at work but somehow 20 years on she is now one of my best friends!

It's just as bad when you retire ... I retired a year ago and so many good friends (as I thought) said we must keep in touch, we'll miss you so much, promised to meet for a coffee/evening etc etc ... I did reach out to a few people but it felt really clear that I was now 'out of the loop' and so perhaps the 'friendship' was only based on the fact we worked together ... I didn't want to keep chasing as it looked like I was stalking!!

I've never had a colleague I've kept in touch with after one of us left the workplace.

I will be friendly to colleagues, go for drinks etc, but I just don't tend to connect with people from work on a deep level. It's a separate part of my life.

Not saying it could never happen, but currently none of my friends are from work.

I suppose if there wasn't a precedent for making effort to go out for coffee/ see each other outside of work when you worked together, it's very hard to begin that when you retire.

It's a huge change to the dynamic of the relationship if you just used to sit together in an office and see each other through routine, but now you have to make a concerted effort to meet up for coffee.

I have loads of friends I have kept in touch with. We make an effort to go for a drink once every few months. Have you asked them to meet up?

I have absolutely no idea when their birthday is though! I only send birthday cards to immediate family.

A ‘drop off’ is another way of saying ‘fall by the wayside’. I guess I thought we’d always be friends and keep in touch but hey ho.

Yes she’s retired and I’m still working so I agree the connection has now gone.

I keep in touch with ex colleagues but we worked together for years. We go for a meal arpund 3 times a year. Its not fixed just when we feel like organising it.
I've never had a birthday card off them and wouldnt expect one. Not bothered.
We have a group chat and message say every 3 months to arrange our night out.
That's it. Very little contact in between.
If you are bothered why not get in touch but I honestly wouldn't expect a birthday card or message

I have two friends who I worked with over 25 years ago, we go out a couple of times a year. We have a group chat where we organise it. We were good friends at work though.

My best friend I met 25 years ago sat next to him in training and the rest is history as they say. We were inseparable at the time but that's changed over the years. He's like a big brother to me so we can go weeks or months without seeing each and nothing changes.