Getting signed off for stress after all this time?

[MyOwnCircusMonkey]

Long story short. My husband died in front of me last year (16 months ago) totally unexpectedly. I had 6 weeks off work and then returned. I haven't grieved properly, never been able to cry and let it all out. I can feel myself that something big is coming, that I am either going to have some kind of huge breakdown/panic attack where its all going to come out, or I'm going to physically collapse myself in a serious way. I think I need to contact the Doctor and get myself signed off and evaluated and helped, but I keep putting it off. I'm scared I will lose my job, and it's further complicated by the fact my daughter works for the same company and is recently currently signed off with stress herself. I'm having all sorts of symptoms like chest pains, panicky feelings..I'm making silly mistakes at work. What do I do? Just keep going? Or risk work being furious at me?

Your health will be better long term (and therefore better for work!) if you listen to the warning signs now. Take the time you need 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Take the time that you need to grieve, try to look after yourself.

I'm so sorry for your loss. That sounds extremely traumatic. What support have you got? Have you had any bereavement counselling? I think having time off is the best thing to do. Can you speak to your boss? Why do you think you will lose your job?

Seek help. You must prioritise your health. Losing a loved one is hard. Circumstances such as uou have mentioned make it doubly hard. Hand hold to you and your daughter

Are you seeing a therapist? Have you received any grief counseling? Will being signed off work actually be helpful or will isolating yourself actually make you feel worse?

I think you need to prioritize getting some counselling.

And I'm sorry for your terrible loss. Grief doesn't follow a predictable timeline so try to be patient with yourself. You will get through this but it will take time.

So sorry for your loss. Grief can hit at any time. You need to look after yourself and take the time you need. Lots of love to you.

Prioritise your health and speak to your GP tomorrow. Be honest with them.

I'm really sorry for your loss

Thank you everyone. No, I haven't had any counselling or anything.

Is there any counselling available through your workplace perhaps? I think mine has an EAP that we can self-refer to.

Do you have the funds to go to a private therapist? I would so recommend this. My own father died suddenly when I was young and my mother never sought therapy (it wasn’t hugely the done thing in those days) and over 30 years later I don’t feel she has come to terms with the shock of losing him with no warning.

Please for your own mental health prioritise yourself. You do not “owe” your company anything. Any decent company would understand.

I benefited so much from a few sessions of grief counselling so I highly recommend it. It was so cathartic to just be able to express my sadness, to openly grieve without fear of being judged or feeling that I was making people "uncomfortable". It really did help me to get past the absolute worst of it.

I was going to say exactly what @CulturalNomad said

"And I'm sorry for your terrible loss. Grief doesn't follow a predictable timeline so try to be patient with yourself. You will get through this but it will take time."

They talk about grief coming in waves. It sounds like things are building up for you if you feel like you might physically collapse or have a panic attack. You've been through a massive shock and change in your life. It's an awful lot to take on and early days.
It's totally understandable that you and your daughter are struggling right now.

You've obviously coped well doing what you've been doing but maybe now you need to mix it up and do things differently for a bit.

Time out from work to focus on you and your daughter for a while seems very sensible. Go for some walks, eat healthy and comforting foods, long baths and just 'be' for a while. Bereavement counselling/therapy might be really helpful to process such a traumatic loss.

I hope you can discuss with your GP and employer. Take care

See GP as soon as possible. Explain as you have here you are experiencing warning signs of a significant mental health issue.
Work will not be furious. They just won't.
Anyway work doesn't matter. You do, and daughter does.
Please see GP and also separately (due to probable unavailability on NHS) research grief/trauma counselling .
Look after you

Thank you. I am scared to be honest.

I understand completely. It can feel like you have lost all control and are literally falling apart. Grief is scary. But I promise you won't always feel this way; it does get better.

Yes, I think that is totally understandable

Try to remember very many people have been in a similar place to where you are now and they have come through it in time.

Thank you.

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this and agree with PPs. It’s a massive loss and must have been very traumatic. Also worth contacting Cruse for bereavement counselling. It may take them a while to find a counsellor with space but they were very helpful when I contacted them after my mum died.

What a terrible thing you have gone through. I strongly suggest you call your doctor and ask for at least a month off. When my mother died I had 2 weeks off work at the immediate time but then around 6 months later I just wasn’t right / had a mini breakdown at work and then called the doctor who gave me a month off no questions asked.
Your employer can’t sack you for needing what is a mental health break. Don’t put it off, the way I thought about asking for a month off is ‘that I have been through worst, my mother died and I survived. So I can do this.’

Thank you both. I will be contacting the doctor tomorrow and hopefully getting some help.

Do not let your daughter being signed off affect your decision. It's understandable you'd both be struggling

Definitely look into whether your employer has an EAP scheme, I used ours after something traumatic - like you it didn’t hit me at the time but a while later I found myself randomly bursting into tears on buses, in meetings, all over the place. I started trauma counselling the very next day after contacting the scheme, I didn’t believe it would be useful but it really was.

Also remember you can self certify sickness for 7 days which should give time to get in touch with the GP to sign you off for longer

I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's understandable that your daughter and you are both struggling. It doesn't matter that you work for the same company and are both signed off with stress or whatever.

Don't worry about that. Speak to your doctor and get some breathing space xx

Thank you.

I went to the doctor today, she does think its stress and depression causing my symptoms. She has advised me to self certify for the first 7 days and then she will provide a sick note to give me some breathing space to recover myself. She has arranged blood tests, mental health support, prescribed medication and I am to go to hospital tomorrow for a check on my heart. I'm already feeling incredible guilt about being off work when I can still move and breathe and ostensibly look OK. I don't know if I'm brave enough to take the sick note and use it. Still scared about losing my job, especially if they think I'm making it up. Still having the symptoms though.