Do I have the right to refuse to mentor someone?

[bitesthedust]

I have been in my office job for 2.5 years.

I entered in a very junior position in a short term contract and after getting a qualification and working hard, I was promoted (still junior but much better salary) and given a permanent contract.

Because I was doing well and just before I got the qualifications&promotion, I was asked to ‘work alongside’ aka mentor a new trainee who was frankly a nightmare and hot potato. Nobody wanted to spend (waste) time with this person. I did my best and ended up extremely frustrated and worked double. Luckily this person left for a more suitable job and that was the end of it.

Now there is another trainee that has just finished the qualification I did (albeit not very successfuly). They failed many exams time and time again, they make a ton of mistakes that quite frankly is due to lack of attention or care, they don’t follow directions very well. This person and I share one task on rota basis so I know exactly how they work and when I’m not on the rota I’m supervising what they do as they are not trusted. Their manager spend a lot of time and energy on them and relies on me to keep this task I share with them running smoothly. When I was on AL there has been complaints about the mistakes and lack of action / attention.

Now this person finally managed to get qualified so there is a possibility for a perm contract soon. However all this time they have been doing adm work as the attempts to train them in the many tasks needed for the actual job backfired and people given up and refuse to work with them. Their manager is the only one who persists but their team’s task is ‘niche’ and not as broad as this trainee’s qualification and upcoming perm contract

I heard rumours that they will try to pair me with this person to gave them exposure and training and I’m dreading it and would rather leave my job tbh. In addition to all the above, this person is super negative, always complaining, full of drama and talks too much. I don’t want the burden again.

What do I stand in relation to refuse to mentor, ‘work alongside’, help this person?? Especially since they will have the same title, salary and qualification I have?

How can I word my thoughts and feelings to my superior on a way that is clear, concise and within my boundaries?

This person had the exact same opportunities I had and did not make the most of it. I know because they always sought me for advice re: qualification, exams, work etc and since they talk too much they always revealed their lazy, unbothered, negative nature. And also they created drama with two or three people in the company. They did have some reason to do so but the way they behaved was immature, disproportionate and unprofessional.
I want to keep my distance as much as possible.

How do they keep hiring such incompetent people?

I don't know about having the right, but you don't sound equipped to do this well.

You have utter contempt for someone who needs to learn and colleagues they can trust to guide them. Mentoring is about bringing out the best in others, not judging them for how long it took them to pass an exam or treating them like they're wasting your time until they leave.

With the view of training them, putting them through qualification and make them perm employees like me.

The initial salary is very low and also the initial contract has a clear date to end if not extended / renewed (like mine) - so it is a gamble. After many hires before and after me there were only 2 succesful cases and I’m one of them.

Even though they are not perm, once they pass probation it is not easy to get rid of them. And even if they are not doing fantastic during probabtion period, they have to be given support anyway

You are absolutely 100% right and I know I will not be a good mentor. This will cause me huge stress and unhappiness.
The question is:
How do I put this forth with leadership in a professional way? And what are my rights in refusing since:

1- I’m in a junior position

2- will have exact the same title/role/salary of the ‘mentee’

I also note they perhaps will not necessarily use the words ‘mentor’ or ‘mentoring’ but have gone through this before I know exactly what they mean

They will expecf me to teach and supervise and help this person gain the skills they were not capable of gaining so far due to lack of opportunities because nobody else in the organisation wants to work with them apart from his manager

I don’t blame you for not wanting to mentor this person. It appears that colleagues have tried but failed. I would tell your manager that you do not want to do it and tell them why. Otherwise you know what will happen - you will be left with most of the work to do and you will become disenchanted with the job and leave.

I sympathise OP, I hate having to rectify other people's work and 'carry' them. I worked in a team of 3, with one such person but it made mine and my other colleagues life miserable.
I'd try an swerve this 'opportunity' if I were you.I'm sure the management will dress it up as an excellent learning experience, it'll look great on your work record, blah, blah. But in my experience it can backfire and the mentee will blame you for all their shortcomings. I'd say you think this person would benefit someone with much more experience than you in the company. You feel that you have other aspects of the role you want to develop/concentrate on/study and think leaving the mentoring to a more experienced colleague would be sensible at this time.

Just tell your boss you don't feel able to provide the support and training this employee so obviously needs, and she would be better mentored by someone in a more senior position. Don't be afraid to say you don't think she's up to the job, if you're certain it's not a personal vendetta because you don't like her.

I don't know about rights to refuse as you presumably have a contract that says any appropriate additional tasks....

What I would say to your manager is that you have heard you are going to be asked me mentor this person like the last one. I would say that the last one was hard work, caused you to be working double time and alot of stress. I'd be clear that that is not happening again. You will 'work alongside' her but you are not putting in double time to correct her mistakes and your own work will need to take priority.

They know what she's capable of, and they know what the last one did to you. In reality if they do it again they don't care about you And I'd just look for another role - and do t forget to put training and mentoring on your CV.

This is happening to me at the moment. It's a bit different because it is actually my job to mentor/train newer staff and students alongside my own work. It means I oversee their work and they shadow me or we work together. That's fine. I can often delegate tasks and I do like this aspect of my role.
However, without blowing my own trumpet I'm one of the best at my job and do I have ended up as the go to when others are incompetent or struggling. If management are struggling to train someone they tend to palm them off to me. What annoys me is these people are paid the same or more than me and most times have done the job longer. It ends up being lots of extra work for me as I do their job on top of mine. Often they see it as a way to pass work along that they don't know how to do and it's easier for them rather than actually take time and effort to learn. Honestly if they made an effort and had potential to improve I'd be ok with it but I can see the managers are at their wits end with these people so they try to pass the problem on. Why do they keep hiring these people I will never know. It never gets better because while I'm picking up the pieces (are burning out in the process) their incompetence goes unnoticed.
I have put up with it far too long.
My way to handle it now is to point them to training, give them basic skills and info and then set them a task to go learn from this and I email a task list. If they can't do a particular part of the list I will put this in writing and point them to where they can learn this aspect of the job. Basically I have stepped back the working alongside (which resulted in me doing their work) and I treat it like I'm their manager. I provide enough information to set them up to go independently find more and learn. I don't sit with them going through things or do it for them with them shadowing. On meetings I make it clear I'm there for support and I politely force them to take charge, if they can't I will again note this and what I have done to support eg gave them reading. I do not pick up any of the tasks they need to do or any pieces when they inevitably don't do it or make a mistake. If after my guidance they are still not getting it I email them and my manager suggesting support from management. It's still work for me but it's less stressful than actually training them and having to do extra work picking up their slack.

Look at your employment contract if it makes no mention of the mentor role you can point out it's not in your contract to be a mentor. Also if you are told to work alongside this person make clear notes as to which bits of work you have done and which bits they are working on. If they present sub standard work you can point out they did that work not you. I would have thought as this person is now as equally qualified as you are you should not be expected to check their work. Let the person's line manager check their work.

@bitesthedust

dear Manager

regarding mentoring and supporting Kevin, I do not feel comfortable with this suggestion for a number of reasons.

1. i am not trained, qualified, supported or reimbursed to take on the additional work this would create.
2. having experienced Kevin’s work ethic and character for x years now I do not feel it would be a good or supportive relationship on either side..

that’s just a draft idea based on how good your manager is etc. ChatGPT would be quite good at wording something better than myself.

Amazing thanks. That is exactly what I will say and it rings true because it is. @Harvestfestivalknickers

Could you make the point that you've acted as your colleague's mentor and supervisor for some time and it's clear that the relationship hasn't had the desired outcome? No need to say anything more or criticise your colleague. Just a shrug and 'This isn't working for either of us.' In your shoes, OP, I'd look around the organisation for someone to identify as a possible mentor and name them. You identify the problem and offer them a solution.

I completely understand and know how the frustration feels

But another difference is that in my case, the way it works is - the person is assigned with me on my projects - so as it is actually my projects I’m leading I have to be on top of it to make sure it gets done and gets done correctly. From the experience I had, I will have to spend time teaching, explaining, showing how it is done etc etc and let them get on with some tasks just for it to get done not only super slowly but also wrongly and the system messed up. Then I have to explain, teach, show again just to get push back and resentment. Then I will have to correct and re-do everything and can’t actually manage the person because I’m not the manager.

I think you should say you would love to help but you can’t in this instance because:

1. you’re at the same level as this person so you don’t think it’s appropriate, and also that you think they would find it difficult to take instructions from someone at the same pay grade

2. you’ve worked with them before and you don’t have a great working relationship so you think you’d be doing them a disservice.

Frame it as wanting the best for them, and being keen to help out but knowing that it isn’t appropriate in this case (rather than that they’re useless and you can’t stand them!)

Good luck OP - update us when you’ve had the conversation! Useless colleagues are worse than none!

@Pluvia @caringcarer

Thank for the suggestions
They tried different people and different teams but there is a reason this person is stuck with their manager - because their manager is the only who can cope.
However their manager’s team does not work in the sector that equals this person’s new acquired qualification and to the job role they applied for - they ended up there as cool off period by accident after drama with the original team where they were supposed to be trained to do what they ate suppose to do (ie: what I do).

There were efforts in the past to move this person to other teams to get the experience but nobody copes.

I don’t believe my own manager want this person working with me in our team but the decision would come from above

The organisation would have to:

• create a tottaly new job role in this person’s team so they can carry on doing what they are doing under the current manager that can cope BUT the qualification will be wasted, the job title will not match the qualification and frankly the salary increase is not worth it in relation to the tasks this person performs
• let this person go once the current contract ends - I think this can be justified on a HR level but on a personal level it might be hard especially since the organisation ‘failed’ to train this person despite the attempts

Luckly not my decision

I’m going to have to mentor some people soon too and I get you. I took every opportunity to train in my own time using publically available resources while these fools don’t do anything on their own initiative. I told my boss I want to manage the people I’m training (so I can put on PIPs if they aren’t good enough), have a more senior job title, and the pay increase and as they needed me to do it I got it. Play hardball with your workplace.

It's totally unreasonable for you to be expected to mentor and supervise someone with the same rank and pay as yourself. It's clear you'll also be expected to cover their shortfalls and clean up their mess. You need to insist on a pay rise and a "senior" inserted into your job title if they need you to take on this role, or you need to seek alternative employment elsewhere.

It is rather unfair of them to ask you to supervise and train someone when you are essentially at the same grade and level they are, and because both you and the management team are aware they will be unlikely to take the mentoring on board and learn from it.

Perhaps it is time for you to ask for a pay rise.😂

that is why they say 'work alongside and help' 🤔😩but I know what it means

This is the way to go but even with these measures in place, I wouldn't want to work with this particular one - but yes to new people that I can shape, influence and have authority over from the get go

On paper we would be same grade and level if they got the perm position but in regality I'm light years ahead because I worked hard and actually like the profession

They wasted their time and opportunities, took the piss out of the WFH arrangement and burned bridges everywhere - I will lose respect for the organisation if they give him a perm contract which is equivalent to my title and pay grade tbh - probably will work less hard, and quiet quit while looking for something else

Ok so…

1st team day in the office since June and the person arrived, realised they didn’t bring their laptop and went back home to get it. It will only take 1.5 to 2 hours to get back.

Is mentoring within your contract /job description OP? Even if it’s not explicitly said that it’s expected, I’m still not sure you have ‘the right’ to refuse a task allocated to you.

That doesn’t mean you can’t express your concerns to your manager, that despite having the same qualifications/title/salary and the same opportunities to progress and be able to do their job the person still isn’t able and is unlikely to be able without the constant need to carry them. Use concrete examples if you can. A person with this track record and who can’t explain why they aren’t progressing should be let go surely? They aren’t fulfilling their job description!

And why should it all fall to you? Aren’t there other people in your team they can ‘work alongside’. Share the load a bit? But honestly someone who still needs this much effort put in as to who is going to carry them is just deadweight that needs let go. But since you don’t have the power to make hiring and firing decisions I’m not sure there is much else you can do other than firmly and free of emotion state the case.

@bitesthedust oh my golly that sounds like it will be a nightmare. But why on earth would they ever give them a permanent contract when they know they are not up to the job.