Has anyone got over job regret?

[Puppalicious]

Last year I was headhunted and offered a new job, in a sector I was interested in, with a 40% salary increase. I posted here at the time, just as I was about to accept, my boss suggested that he had a chance for promotion for me, I wobbled, was advised to speak to him about other job (disaster), he took it as a resignation, I didn’t yet have a contract so almost had a meltdown (privately), then he did counteroffer (5%), but I knew I didn’t have much option but to go at that stage, so I verbally resigned. Then, the next morning narrowly avoided a collision between a car and lorry on the motorway, thought I was ok but then had a string of panic attacks that evening and over the weekend, thought I would be a failure at new job, would be let go during probation etc etc, couldn’t understand why they wanted me, would hate it, and on the Monday I withdrew my resignation.

Needless to say, it’s been a struggle ever since. I never got the promotion my boss mentioned of course (the interview was an embarrassing disaster), and I struggled on with hidden depression and feelings of low worth over the next few months. My job is tough and needs one to be robust, I eventually crumbled in the face of a difficult stakeholder (fairly publicly) and my credibility was massively impacted, both internally and with an old employer. I almost hit rock bottom, but pulled myself back up through focusing on how I was going to work to provide for my kids and I was not going to throw that away (the hours are good for the money, good hybrid policy, short commute), having fun with friends, some support from my boss and I got back on my feet. I’m trying hard not to let myself slide back into depression, although had a setback this week.

Opportunities to move at my level are very limited and it’s unlikely I will ever get a similar opportunity to the one I turned down last year (especially as my reputation has taken a severe blow internally and externally and the headhunter involved would never come near me again).

Anyone, sorry for that long ramble! What I was looking for is - does anyone have stories of dealing with career or job regret and how they got over it? Or does anyone have stories of how they changed job and the grass wasn’t greener - that would make me feel better too, ha!

Ha, clearly no one has had job regret! Or maybe my post is too long and rambling for people to get to the end…

I work in HR, so i've come into contact with lots of people throughout my career who have stayed and regretted it and those who have left and regretted it.

i currently work with a colleague who left a role after 20+ years for a role at a new site and bitterly regrets it and is probably more miserable in the role than in the old one.

I previously worked with someone who decided to make a big lifestyle change, so got a new job on the other side of the country, sold their home to move and had the job offer withdrawn due to finding. They got offered their old job back, but their wings were severely clipped and they lost 20+ years of employment rights.

i think you just need to look at the experience as a learning curve and not to dwell on it. i know it isn't easy, but maybe that job wasn't meant for you. but, that doesn't mean you need to stay where you are. Focus on your wellbeing and when you are ready, explore new opportunities.

@purpledagger thanks for that. You’re right, I’ll focus on my wellbeing. It’s difficult to get over how badly I fucked up two opportunities (internal and external ) but I guess I still have a job. I need to concentrate on finding joy outside my career.

Oh I really feel for you. Only in the spirit of misery loves company, but I can relate. I was offered my dream job, albeit a low paying arts based job and turned it down because it paid less than my existing job.

Regretted it every day since, especially as the existing job hasn't worked out.

All I can say is you can only make decisions with what you know at the time. You're trying to project into the future and that is always a lottery. It's all external stuff and none of that really matters to who you are as a person.

@LeafyGreenSalad I’m a bit late in replying, but was it long ago that you turned down the job you regret? For me, it was more than a year ago, but I’m still obsessing, I think because a large part of me still held out hope for a promotion, and it now clear that my boss was talking absolute shit about that. I feel like an absolute fool. Maybe I should look for counselling or something as I shouldn’t still be kept awake like this a year later. I’m not finding any other suitable jobs.

This time last year I was offered a lovely role. Somehow my current line manager persuaded me to stay with a pay rise and a promotion only to find out he wasn’t allowed to offer those things and didn’t follow HR process.

I didn’t get the pay rise nor the promotion that I was promised and the woman who offered me the lovely role called me fickle :( .

She was right. I have regretted staying ever since. I live in a county where job opportunities are somewhat limited despite being near a small “city”.

I’m still job hunting, but now I’m burnt out and now I’m depressed because my current role is so toxic & stressful.

Ah that’s very similar to me - I didn’t quite stay for the promotion, although it was indicated it was a good possibility, and I wouldn’t call my job toxic, my struggles are mostly coming from my head and that’s what led me to burn out. It is stressful, but so would the new job have been - so actually just typing this out makes me realise I need to work on my mental resilience before I can make any move.
I wish you the best of luck with your job hunt, the regret is hard to deal with!