Returned to work after 8 years, struggling with being managed

[Rubbishateverything59363]

This sounds really silly I'm sure and I'm not up myself and I don't think highly of myself at all. But I absolutely hate being managed , told off, criticised or told what to do, I can't stand it and don't know how to stop it from bothering me so much.
After leaving uni I was self employed so was my own boss. I then took 8 years out to raise my children. I've had to go back to work full time due to a change in our family circumstances, I'm now a low level minimum wage worker.
It doesn't help because my manger has terrible people skills. She micro manages and loves to tell you everything you do wrong but never praises you ever. Everyone hates her and feels the same way, so it's not just me.
Every day I have to fight a massive urge to tell her what I truly think of her and just walk out. I can't do that because I need the money. How do I stop her from bothering me and accept that sometimes I do have to be managed

Get a different job?

Yup, look for a different minimum wage job. Minimum wage isn't worth feeling like this.

For a NMW job I'd keep a smile on my face, do whatever she says and let it roll off me. Try to disengage and don't let it bother you.

This isn't you. This is your terrible manager. As you say everyone hates her. The most stress I've ever felt in a job was when I was micromanaged. Its horrible. Plus you have the constant criticism/no praise on top. No one does well in that environment.

Unfortunate minimum wage jobs can be full of terrible micromanagers but if this can't be changed where you are, then you need run try somewhere else.

Good luck.

I was like this for several years, not minimum wage but pretty decent jobs. Had been self employed for many years, it was the managers - Not a me problem. Just started a part time minimum wage job, and it's completely different, manager is great, praise as well as kindly pointing out what could be improved. Get a different minimum wage job honestly, bad managers are not worth it.

@moddinner wow!! Do you search every person's history who posts?
I had part time jobs during uni. Changed those a few times. Then was self employed for 12 years , I owned a shop. Had kids , then covid etc prevented me from trying that again so needed paid employment.
This is my second job in 2 years , but I am struggling with being managed and don't feel confident in my abilities. I just want to be my own boss

If you are used to be self-employed you are going to struggle with being managed, especially if the manager is incompetent.

I would look for a new job or maybe look at how you can get back to self-employment.

Remember that your boss is probably on shit pay too for the level of responsibility that they’re supposed to have, and has probably had little to no training in how to be a manager.

I don't like being told what to do or criticised either, I don't mind being asked politely but any hectoring bossiness and I lose all respect for the person. I also don't mind constructive feedback but if they are rude and dismissive, I'' hate them. I am very pleasant and professional but behind that I am full of rage when dealing with a crappy boss.

But I absolutely hate being managed , told off, criticised or told what to do

Do you think everyone else loves it?

You really do sound like you have a chip on your shoulder.

A chip on her shoulder for not appreciating a shit manager being rude to her? Wow, your bar is low.

Good managers know how to treat their staff to get the best out of them, ie with politeness and respect. OP's manager sounds like the kind of person that shouldn't be managing people.

Keep an eye on the job ads OP, and ignore the snark in this thread. I think there's some classic MN race to the bottom stuff from some posters, ie they hate their jobs so everyone else has to hate theirs too.

I hate being managed and told what to do, and it absolutely is a me problem.

In a lot of low wage roles in low wage sectors the managers are recruited from a very substandard pool. Often managers are just the more confident pushy gobshites that licked enough bumholes to get promoted and aren't necessarily suited to management.

I think its possible to endure paid employment if you can find a role where you have your own designated area of responsibility with a clear brief and can work with some autonomy. Failing that smile sweetly and carry on as you are paying as little attention to the manager. If you know the job and what is expected just shrug off and pick up your paycheck.

I'm in a similar situation, except I WAS a manager, earning twice what I do now. That's on me for taking time out. But, old fashioned bosses mean pay is on length of service, not effort, so no matter how hard I work I can't leapfrog the person who spends 50% of her time on the phone or chatting to other staff.

My manager works remotely & has NFI what's going on. I hate that my one zoom meeting with her a week is her organising my workload. I'm used to being autonomous. I also have to be careful as her bff who is like a spy works in the office as well. Manager hates my DH so I'm tarred by association.

Tbh I'm only there to get a foot back in the workplace. I let it all roll, play the game & will move on when opportunity allows. It's my end game, so for now I'll play theirs.

Your very critical of your manager which may or may not be deserved.

The best advice is written above. Suck it up, get the job done and go home.

What is your career plan moving forward? I wonder if part of your issue is that this isn't where you saw yourself or what you saw your self doing at this stage of life. Get a plan for where you want to me.

May or may not be deserved? OP says 'She micro manages and loves to tell you everything you do wrong but never praises you ever' - does that sound to you like a manager who's above criticism?

If you don’t feel confident in your abilities and your manager points out things that are wrong then it sounds like you are part of the problem and could be creating the micromanagement situation. Many managers don’t want to be over the top for every little detail, usually they’ve got their own work on top of checking yours so they would love for you to just crack on with it.

@ruethewhirl

Sometimes people who are micromanaged are micromanaged because they don't do the job as required if left to work independently,

Maybe there is little things done correctly for praise. Maybe there are only things done wrong.

I'm not saying this is the case. But the OP has indicated that she doesn't want to be told what to do and doesn't sound like she wants to be there. That doesn't usually sound like a motivated productive employee.

IKWYM, but I don't think we have enough information to tell. I wouldn't want to be there either from the sounds of OP's manager - it's hard to be motivated and productive if someone is constantly criticising...