Imposter Syndrome

[Loulou087]

NC for this post. Anyone else struggle with imposter syndrome, anxiety and lack of confidence in the work place?

some context; I am 36, no kids (only mention this as I guess it’s impacted my ability to focus more on work etc) have heavily focussed on my career and worked my way up to a leadership role within a corporate firm in the finance industry. On the outside I look like I’ve got it together but I am losing sleep at night, getting into a right state, crying, dread certain meetings, my anxiety is crippling.

I’ve never had any negative feedback as such so no reason to think I’m not performing etc - I am 90% sure this is all in my head, but that doesn’t make it any easier when I’m in the thick of it.

I look at my peers and mangers etc and even my own team, who report to me, and think they all seem so confident, I wish I was more like them etc.

Ive worked in about 4 firms within my industry, similar roles but always progressed upwards so this is my most senior role which is I guess why it’s now worse. If I’m honest with myself though I have felt this in all my roles!? Is that just how I’ll always feel?!

For context I’ve had counselling before for general anxiety. It’s manageable ish with exercise etc but this work stuff feels different.

Sorry if this is a bit rambling, tbh I don’t know if it’s best in work or mental health, and I’m not sure entirely what I’m looking for other than some reassurance at this point. It’s been a tough week and I’ve spent most of today in tears while working from home, just because I don’t think I’m doing a good job

Oh poor you! I think a lot of people would recognise what you're describing but your level of anxiety sounds very high.

Is there any chance you could access a coach or mentor who knows corporate environments and the challenges they bring?

@BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation thank you. Yes I guess I probably would be able to do that. I’ve been in my head a lot this week and I will add I am premenstrual which won’t be helping. But I hate how that affects me too - it’s not like I can have a week or two off a month due to hormones, and in reality the imposter syndrome is always there on some level, it just rises and falls.

I will speak to someone at work and see if that’s a possibility- thank you x

Does anyone give you positive feedback? Can you ask for some?

My therapist told me to focus on evidence not emotion. Unfortunately, I have plenty of hard evidence of my incompetence so I had to conclude that in my case maybe it’s not imposter syndrome after all 😂

But I think there is some good advice in there. Keep a record of things you’ve done well. Look
at and update it regularly. Name your strengths and how they help you at work and how you’re continuing to grow in those strengths.

I also think it helps to be really open about your mistakes. Both with yourself and with others. For yourself, keep another record of things you’ve screwed up and, importantly, what you learned and how you can do things better now as a result. Phrase it as you would a review for a team member. Not harsh, just honest. Be specific about what you think your weaknesses are and how you’re improving, hopefully that addresses the sense that you’re just generally not good enough and makes you feel more in control of it.

Pick one thing you think you’re not doing so well on, as specific as possible, and talk to a trusted superior or equal colleague about it. You’ll start to see that not being perfect doesn’t actually lose you respect, you’re not expected to have everything sorted already.

Identify someone you admire and ask them about a strength you see in them.

But do all of this slowly. Addressing anxiety is hard work and can easily become overwhelming.

Thank you - this is good advice too. I just have this overwhelming feeling that I’m blagging it but there is little to no evidence to show that is the case. It’s such a strange feeling. Keeping a record of feedback as well as mistakes and learnings from them is a really good idea - thank you.

Commenting just to say I feel like this daily. I constantly feel I am going to loose my job. Sometimes the more praise I get the more paranoid I am that I'm not doing a good job! How mad is that.

@Yoyooo I’m so sorry to hear you feel like this too. It’s a horrible feeling x

I feel like this often.
I lead a team and I worry they think I'm not a good Manager even though I regularly get good feedback from staff, my manager and previous team I managed. I think I care too much.
My issue is I have a couple of difficult staff members who I know make negative comments in a sly way and I worry about the impact on my reputation.
Then I worry what they are saying is true.
It causes me so much anxiety and stress I've started to think if the job is worth it.
I'm relatively low paid for managing 20 plus staff (£33k) so do wonder if I could get an easier job.
I'm scared to talk to my Manager because she keeps talking about my resilience not being what it should. So I dont tell her how I feel because it will go against me.
I've had very little coaching or mentoring was just dropped into the role get on with it.
Very often middle managers well being is so overlooked by companies.
Leadership is hard. I love so many aspects of it but it's a tough job.
So I completely sympathise.

@Jammylou I’m sorry to hear you feel like that too. It’s really difficult isn’t it. I feel similar about having a team to lead. I’ve calmed down a little today but it’s still on my mind and it’s Saturday evening, I just keep thinking I should be able to relax!

Oh god, me too!! I was promoted this year into a leadership role, but also building a brand new team and service from scratch so no one to even try to copy.

My boss is so complimentary of me, says doesn't know what they would have done if they hadn't hired me and yet every night I go to bed with butterflies in my stomach convinced I'm fucking up somewhere even with ALL the evidence that I am not.

Doesn't help that my old boss is now my colleague in the leadership team and he seems to be making it his mission to attempt to undermine me at every turn. Acting like he's the manager of my team too, and undermining my authority with them. Thankfully they are wise to it, and have come to the decision he's a tool without my help. But he makes me feel like a "newbie" all the time.

I'm just hoping that with time it all gets easier and these feelings will go away as I want to be able to sleep each night and not be a nervous wreck all the time.

@MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel sorry to hear that, it sounds very similar to how I feel very often to be honest!