Did you downshift working when your kids started primary?

[december2020]

I wasn't sure whether to put this in parenting or work.

Trying to give a bit of context as not to drip feed.

I currently work full time in a job that typically includes unpaid overtime. I also work with international markets so work in overlapping time zones with North America. I also commute 3 days a week, 1.5 hours each way.
DH works in the emergency services so works in rota shifts.
Our nearest family live 3-4 hours drive one way so we rely on each other to make things work.

I'm tired. I'm so tired of the juggling act. I have asked for flexibility with WFH due to working across the time zones (most people only work the UK time zone)) and I've been told it cannot happen as this is the company mandate for all.

DS is starting school next year and I want to be more available for him. I want to be there for events or whatever is important to him.
I want to be there for a nice afternoon together after school instead of hoping to see him at dinner time.

I feel very conflicted as I don't want to lose my career and my ambition but I can't keep this up at the sacrifice of not being there for DS.
Am I insane for considering doing something less pressure, likely for quite a bit less money during the primary years?
And if I do, will they ever accept me back into the crazy work world once DS is older and doesn't really need me much anymore?

Have you ever downshifted during the primary years? Any regrets?

Hopeful bump

I have halved my working hours this year for the same reason. It's amazing what a difference it has made. I am there to hear my kids read, see assemblies, come on trips. I am no longer drowning in washing and cleaning chores. We have less money, but make it work and I have zero regrets. Plenty of people rejoin the workforce when kids are secondary age with no problems. I'd do it.

Do it. I work 25 hours with no regrets

I went back to work full time after maternity leave but reduced my hours once they went to school.

No regrets.

I reduced my hours when kids were at primary and worked from home. Now they are both in secondary - i went full time again in June. It is not working! I’ve spoken with my boss about going part time again. When you have a family and a home to run it is really hard to make it work if you both are full time.

OP you should have a look at the careering into motherhood group on Facebook. There’s loads of events and partner coaches to help you work out where you want to be with your career and being a parent. I’ve found it really helpful

Thank you everyone!

Would it be crazy if I asked work next week to look at a 3 day working week?

Ooh - I have looked to join the Careering into motherhood group on Facebook.

I'm just want to make sure I can turn up for DS especially during these primary years. I know once he goes to secondary and starts becoming more independent and has his life and friends he won't really need me or want me around as much (and that's ok).

The commute is just adding extra pressure and it feels like the added benefit of the money earned doesn't outweigh the (non monetary) cost to my family.

How did your career progress when you went part time ?

Ask the question, see if it's possible in your current role to job share etc if not then you know you need to look outside and see what salary etc you can get. Once you have the numbers or what part time might look like you can see if it'll work for you. I did part time from had kids until the youngest was 8 . COVID changed things so WFH was possible and really gave me flexibility I needed, I probably would have went back full time sooner if I could have had the WFH so if you can't swing part time looking at new jobs might give you the time you need

When mine started primary, I dropped my hours and was working 25 hours a week. I'd say do it. They ain't at Primary for long and it will fly by.

I don't regret a second of giving up a high flying career. I chose to have my kids, to be around for them. I know what I'm like....now I work full time again I'm out 07:30-6pm. (Oh works from home so they have that. He didn't while they were young). Yes career has been impacted. But I really don't regret it. I don't regret less money, older car, less holidays etc. I was happy doing what I felt was right for us.

You won’t ever regret having more time with your kids while they’re growing up! Plenty of people return to full time when their kids are older.

Nobody has mentioned yet however, the fact that they need you just as much, if not more, when they start secondary. If you could be part time until they’re 16 or so, then that would be ideal.

Of course you’re not insane for thinking this. If you can manage it financially then go for it.
I took redundancy for pretty similar reasons after baby arrived. You don’t have to ‘do it all’. I felt so guilty for working and so guilty for then not working. Do what you want to suit your own family and life. You might get a lot of criticism on this thread!! Mumsnet thinks it’s terrible to consider cutting down or giving up work for your kids. Put you and your son first! X

I was just about to say but someone beat me to it - I dropped to 30 hours during primary school but have actually stopped working to do further study during secondary school as actually I need to around more - anything they are interested in is much later and further away, and I find the emotional support side more draining.

Have you considered getting a new job, one without the massive commute and international working requirements before downshifting?

Or is that not possible in your industry?

I didn't downshift, but I didn't upshift to full-time either, which I had thought I would. But working 3.5 days has made a huge difference to my quality of life, and I don't regret it. I will say though that it absolutely impacts your career if you are planning to do it all the way through primary.

This is very timely, as I am in the same predicament. I don’t enjoy what I do either and so want more time with my children to really enjoy them growing up.

please can I ask those who work part time what your hours are? What have you found work/s? I can’t seem to work out where that would be?