Isolation at work

[Hopelessa]

Maybe I’m posting this in the wrong thread, but I’m not sure.

I relocated to my home country last summer and managed to get this job at the beginning of the year. My previous position and this are quite similar except it is from a different perspective (I’ll admit I work in education). It’s been a great learning experience for this new angle of my previous position, and I’m grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to learn about other roles in this sector. What I don’t like is that my team have been growing consistently colder/isolating me in recent months.

Due to my prior experience, the role wasn’t that difficult to adjust to. I’ve been lucky in experience and I’ve always had higher ups giving me extra opportunities because I enjoy learning/development. In addition to this, I’d like to gain as much experience/skills as possible to make sure I can progress to a better role ie management etc.
My team are mixed in age and backgrounds. Some come from teaching, some have no past experience in education. This is relevant because my previous experience and qualifications are often thrown in my face as loaded comments which makes me feel more isolated at times. The team have also been together for a year before I joined them so you can imagine they are quite close knit.
When I first joined, everyone was mostly nice. Due to my start date, I didn’t meet everyone at once so it was nice to slowly meet and get to know everyone. However one of the team, the eldest, seemed to be quite cold and resistant to my ideas/past etc.

Other examples are that in the past 3 months, we’ve been working with another team quite closely and I’ve had more conversations/felt more of their team than my own. I’ve also been cut out of group projects (marketing video for our team) by one girl who has also had no issue accusing me of stepping on her toes by talking to a manager about whether I could download some files from their department website. It feels like some really petty stuff, but I’ve basically got to the point of shutting down and not talking because I just want to cry.

I’ve consistently raised this concern in all of my 1:1 meetings with my line manager and he’s offered a few options such as talking to the team but I’ve declined on the basis it will probably make things work. Another key thing to add is that his daughter is in my team so it’s an awkward situation to explain that his daughter is some of the reason I feel isolated.
I’ll add that I’m looking for a new job but the market isn’t great, so I’m holding out as much as I can so I can keep a wage coming in. But I’m not sure how I can keep on pretending everything is fine at work.

Is it literally everyone in the team to varying degrees OP?

Have you had a performance review yet?

Had a few performance reviews which are positive. My manager said I passed my probation with flying colours which was partly due to how similar my previous role was to this own.

but it does seem to be 4 out of 5 colleagues who have taken a not so positive approach to me

80% of the team seem to have an issue with you?

The one colleague who doesn’t …. have you spoken with them to get their view on the situation?

I’m not excusing their behaviour at all because they are being really cruel and unfair towards you, however I noted this:

However one of the team, the eldest, seemed to be quite cold and resistant to my ideas/past etc.

Did you arrive on the team and immediately start suggesting changes and improvements to ways of working? Because that will often not go down well in teams if the implicit idea is that they’ve been doing things badly and you know how to do things better because you’re better trained and more experienced etc. Sounds like you perhaps got off on the wrong foot, with the best of intentions, but not considering the feelings of the existing team. Do you come across as a bit preachy / bit of a know it all type character? Crossing boundaries in terms of how others do their work?

Also this

This is relevant because my previous experience and qualifications are often thrown in my face as loaded comments

why do your team members know the details of your previous experience and qualifications? Have you been peppering conversations with mention of them, to indicate they should take your ideas on board? Again this often won’t go down well as it can come across a bit show off-y. Like you are saying you’re better qualified then (better than them professionally). When you meet new team members it’s probably best to get to know them on a human level first.

"
I’ve consistently raised this concern in all of my 1:1 meetings with my line manager and he’s offered a few options such as talking to the team but I’ve declined on the basis it will probably make things work"

Your line manager has discussed a solution but you have decided it won't work ? You say " all" ? How many meetings have you had in 9 months? What would you like the manager to do exactly?

Your post does sound a bit " me me" and I wonder if you are giving this impression out to others?

I have spoken to him a little. He’s also genuinely confused over some of the behaviour but did peg it down to stuff probably happening in their personal lives which does make sense and maybe it is, but I’ve been starting to feel there’s more to it than that

So my past experience/qualifications came out through both a conversation where my manager brought up my qualifications for a project, but experience through them asking questions/my friend working in a different team here who knows me from the country I left. One of the team is a nosy/inquisitive type who wants to know everything about someone and will not understand boundaries to get the info

Your manager sounds laughably passive

When I first started, I stayed quiet and just observed how everyone got on with the role/what they did etc so I could learn the ropes as it's often the best way to get an idea how things run/learn how to handle certain situations.

I would contribute in team meetings but only to share my view on something that was proposed ie how can we get information to students & in no way was I forcing them on people etc or referencing my previous experience for that. One idea I mentioned was from when I was in high school to give an example of what was being said in response to how to inform students of deadlines etc.

In terms of this, I have reflected on the option for him to speak with them but decided against it because I worried it would make things worse. I have mentioned one of my team is his daughter, and that everyone bar me has been together a year already so they are quite close-knit.

I have informed my manager about this due to the nature of the questions asked in my monthly 1:1 meetings with him, as well as the meetings I had during my probation (which were twice a month for 6months). During this time, I have been completely honest with him in questions about how I am feeling, and other questions he has asked. It seems that he had a concern too about a new person coming into the team & how they'd react which is why we have keep up constant feedback on this situation as it has developed into something bigger. Although, I am quite aware it is my fear of making things worse when he has suggested that he could get more involved such as talking to them directly about their behaviour. We are openly communicating about this/reflecting on stuff together as I don't want to be isolated/make things worse than they already are.

I guess one good thing to come out recently is that it was just announced yesterday that two members of the team will be reducing their roles by a considerable amount. I'm hoping this might be a good period to attempt to foster stronger connections with the others but I'm going to remain optimistic on that.

Well this is the one team-member who is neutral in this whole thing. He's laid back and confused about what is happening like me. It does feel good to know that someone is sitting through this and also thinks that the way people are acting is a bit weird.

My manager on the other hand is laidback too, but is also very much a hands off kind of guy. He would prefer us to sort it out internally, but has made the offer to speak with them & directly address it - he's also very understanding of how this might have more negative repercussions on me though so we're trying to wait things out/reflect/discuss how everything goes on a monthly basis when I have a 1:1.

You sound like a great employee and sorry they are being so toxic towards you. All you can do is try to pick out people who are somewhat more warm towards you and work on building relationships with each individual one by one. Looking at the broader perspective you are building experience and skills in this role, that you can take with you to your next role. It might take a while due to your job market but keep your eye on your future and know that is temporary.

I've not read everything but could you be coming over as a bit of a pushy know all. Too keen to promote your own ideas for a new person.

I've had this.
3 in a team of 4 leaving me out of the loop.
Ostracized for ages.
Nothing really changed so I left.
I think the ones that had been there many yrs liked to moan about work daily but keep everything the same too.!!
Happy now I've joined a new team.