New manager says 'Do this', then 'Why on earth did you do that?' Help!

[Catinacap]

That's it in a nutshell, really. My old, competent manager left and I have a new manager whom I find it very difficult to communicate with.

Recently he asked me to produce two 1000-word articles for trade/ technical press and websites. I suggested 500 words: he wanted 1000 words. We discussed what he wanted included and the angle we'd take. I took notes and ran the brief back past him. He okayed it. I roughed up first drafts which he okayed. I commissioned a technical writer to produce the material and provided her with all the information required to complete the brief. At all stages I got my manager to okay everything in writing or in front of a third party. I did nothing that he didn't agree to.

Last week, when I delivered everything required on time and in budget, he seemed pleased. I was, too. Yesterday he called me in and said the articles were too long. I pointed out that he'd requested 1000 words. I'd half-guessed he'd say this and told him we could cut the text. Yesterday afternoon I submitted edited text of around 500 words, with a master showing what had been cut. Today I have a 'Why on earth have you cut this down?' email.

I'm at my wits' end. I just don't seem to be able to communicate with him. We meet, he asks for something, I explain the options, he appears to take on board what I'm saying, thinks it through, then tells me what he wants done. I do it, keeping him updated at every stage — and on almost every occasion he seems to think I've done something that wasn't agreed to and he doesn't approve. The ridiculous thing is that these two articles both work, at 1000 words and at 500 words. They are ideal for PR purposes and will work well on our website. He can't articulate when the problem with them is, or what he'd like done differently, just that he was expecting something different and is disappointed in the work and in me.

There is a possibility of talking to my old boss (now managing a different department) about it, but I think he'll just find it funny, tell me my boss is an idiot and suggest I cope with it. Am I over-thinking it? Will I eventually just get used to always being in the wrong?

Sounds awful. My manager is similar and I’ve been told I’m wrong for 14 months 😂 I’m finally burning out. His manager knows this already and he’s caused several people to leave. HR are “sorting it” but it “takes time”

We’ve been told to back everything up in an email. it’s extremely tiresome, the pussy footing and feeling like an idiot eventually takes it toll.

Nip it in the bud with evidence.

I worked for someone like this, I lasted a year. It totally broke

Can you follow up every 'do this' with an email saying 'just to confirm, you have asked me to do x.'

Ah, he's one of those. Someone who exerts their authority by always having 'feedback' and 'constructive criticism' and must always have input into already great work. I had one of these and the whole team started leaving one big glaring error to act as bait that was easy to fix. Worked amazingly, boss was happy that he could correct us, we were happy that it was a quick fix (this was the design so apparently simple changes can be a lot of work).

Partially this was a memory issue I think too he was really busy and forgot the things he has told us sometimes so some of the stuff he corrected us on were his own instructions. Ha.

It's speaks well of your skills that he is finding such ridiculous things to complain about.

I would be proactive and say that as there have been miscommunications about the work you would like to record progress in writing/a spread sheet/whatever that includes meeting notes and next steps. Ensure that it records who makes changes on it incase he is sneaky. Confront him with his own failure.

I worked for someone like this, it was maddening. Nothing ever got done because she would change the goalposts indefinitely. She was never going to change, so I found a new job!

Is this all done verbally or via email? If verbally then I'd follow up with 'meeting notes' just to firm up what he asked for. If he asks why just tell him either he's constantly changing his mind or you are misinterpreting what he's asked for so you want it to be boxed off. He will soon realise he's the problem when you have it on email to show he's the problem

Commiserations. It's a horrible situation to be in, isn't it?

That's what I'm already doing. He started behaving like this very early on, so I've got more and more careful not to do anything without written or witnessed authorisation. He's not threatening to sack me or have me demoted or get me into trouble or anything, he's just constantly dismayed and convinced that I've done something without his say-so. I've wondered if he finds it difficult to imagine what the finished product will look like, which is why I factor him in at every step. It's always as if I've done something to catch him out.

Do you ever push back? ‘You told me to do this, see here in this email’? It sounds like you are collecting evidence to back yourself up but not actually using it to point his nonsense out to him.

Awful. I'd do what Cerialkiller suggests and put an easy, glaring mistake that he can find and takes you a second to fix.

Reminds me of the Christopher Wren story - London architect (designed St. Paul's), who was designing the Guildhall in Windsor. There was to be a covered outdoor area, only supported by columns along the outside. Windsor council insisted that he add interior columns, not trusting his design. Wren did, but decades later when they came to do maintenance on top of the columns, they found they stopped 1cm short of the ceiling.

Do you ever push back? ‘You told me to do this, see here in this email’? It sounds like you are collecting evidence to back yourself up but not actually using it to point his nonsense out to him.

I do. I say things like 'But this is what you asked me to do' and 'We talked about this when we met on 6 September and you decided we needed to do X and Y and look, I asked you to confirm and you agreed the following day...' He says things like 'But when you said this I had no idea what you had in mind'. As if 1000 words of text doesn't look like another 1000 words of text.

I've had these managers too. Mostly caused by them trying to exert authority and prove their worth. It's so tedious and makes people look for new jobs.

This is a wonderful story: thank you so much.

This ⬆️. I have a manager who claims she is never told anything so I write a list of what I've done at the week's end to inform her. Protects me.

I had one of those. Fix something they told you to, and they will tell you off for doing exactly what they said, and tell you to put it back to original state. In a few months, you won't even know what your name is without checking and accept if he corrects you.
Sorry, there's no fixing. You leave, or he needs to go.

I'm also asked why did you do x, y ,z?. It's demoralising.

Anyway it's sorting my end as a more senior manager is intervening. But he needs to sort himself out.

Thanks for this. It really goes against the grain to deliberately create a mistake in order that he can feel good for correcting it. I'd be worried someone else would see it and think I'm losing it, so I'll have to work out how to do it — but yes, if I give him something concrete to criticise perhaps he'll stop looking for non-existent problems.

That wasn't necessarily advice to follow, more an illustration that some people will never be pleased. If you think you can use it to help your own sanity then by all means though. I understand the urge to stay squeaky clean to maintain the high ground myself. By deliberately mistakes I literally meant typos and things like that. Nothing that would be grounds for any real consequences.

Unfortunately the sensible thing to do is what pp have suggested. Document document document. What he is doing could be considered a waste of time and resources at best and bullying/undermining at worst.

If there is anyone higher up who's ear you have I would have a word, even if it's just an exercise in arse covering in case shit hits the fan later and your boss tries to throw you under the bus. If your old boss likes you, even he laughs at your situation, who knows word might spread from the top if he talks.

That's a thought, thanks. I'll arrange to see my old boss and tell him what's going on and ask his advice on how to deal with it. My guess is he'll find it funny and advise me to cope, but as you say, he might quietly spread the word that my new boss isn't up to much.

I'm slightly shocked that so many others have already said they know this behaviour. I'm fortunate to know I know what I'm doing, but if I was younger and less confident I think it would have been really undermining.

This is where I’m at now :( I feel like a massive piece of crap because that’s how I’ve been treated for 14 months by my unsackable manager

We have done skip level reviews and 360 reviews to stop this from happening and my manager is STILL employed / in his position

Every time he asks you to do something, say "Okay! Can you just put that in an email to me, saying exactly what you want".

It's a power play. We had a senior manager like this. But was also a bully. Shouted at one guy saying his report was rubbish and he should do it again. Next day the guy presented the same report without any changes. Manager said 'that's better'. We were all very relieved when manager was let go

Haha I used to have an operations manager like this! She would never be 100% happy in the meetings she was chairing unless someone omitted to do something, or she had to suggest an action that hadn’t been thought of or some procedural step had been missed. So we used to joke that we would make sure someone served up something she could ‘correct’. Only a small thing, not enough to warrant a serious telling off or compromise the job, just enough for her to feel her existence was justified and she was in charge.

I had a boss like this, she was an absolute fucking nightmare. It all came down to her having no confidence in her own decisions or directions, so she'd deflect on to everyone else when she didnt know what to do, or didn't get the outcome she wanted. Even following everything up in writing was pointless because she'd still have a merry fit.

No suggestions I'm afraid, I ended up moving to a different role because she became impossible to work with.