I just don’t care about work since the arrival of DD..

[Hardknocks]

I used to be obsessed with my career. Obsessed with climbing the ladder, pushing myself, studying outside of work. Since DD came along 2 years ago I just completely stopped caring.

I thought after I went back after mat leave that it was the job itself, so I got a new job (fully remote, more money) and I still can’t bring myself to care. I feel like I do it for the money, but there’s no love there anymore. It’s actually a bit depressing.

Has anyone else felt this way, and does the passion for your work ever come back?

Personally I didn't feel that way, but I remember it being what I was always warned about by other parents ('wait til baby comes, you won't care about your career anymore'!) so you're definitely not alone 💐

Of course you have other priorities. I have climbed the ladder but just can’t give as much now with 2 children. I would however say that it’s important to keep working at a decent standard, it does get harder as you get more senior and older to hold down a job if the economy is bad and there are more eager youngsters coming through the ranks. Basically, it’s important to also think ahead rather than the here and now. All kids grow up.

I had my own business but when I had dd everything was thrown in the air and I felt guilty wherever I was. Dd won and I never got my ambition back.. which is fine!

Thanks everyone,

I think the depressing bit is that I really want to love my job, but it just doesn’t feel important anymore. Or maybe I’m just knackered from parenting a toddler and when she gets older I’ll find that love again!

Completely agree though @ohthejoys21 the guilt is ridiculous! Guilty when I drop her off, guilty when I have a non working day to look after her. I really never anticipated any of this before I had her.

That's exactly how I felt Hardknocks. It's not a failing, it's a life and priority change and that's fine.

I felt like this but IME it does come back, so don't burn your bridges at work OP. It might take a few years though!

We're all different and I can only talk from my own perspective, but this may change with time.

I had twins and became a single parent when they were 4 months old. I went back to work when they were 6 weeks. To be honest, I went through the motions and worked at basic competence level until they started school. Once they did, however, I really began to feel like I was getting my life back, felt less tired (they began sleeping more) and rediscovered my drive. I doubled my salary within a few years of them starting school.

I'd counsel any woman to maintain a career if possible, even though it can be worth accepting it may stagnate for a few years.

You don't need to have kids to find work utterly pointless and soul-destroying, trust me.

I have loved being back at work! I do 4 days so have a day a week with my daughter midweek and we always plan something really fun to do together that day

but I enjoy the routine of the work day - using my brain, talking to adults, going for an hours long gym class on my own at my lunch break - actual bliss

what's changed though is that I never work even a minute passed my time - I do 8-4.40 and am out the door dot of 4.30

i used to check emails in the evening / weekends but I don’t anymore! I’ve removed the emails from my phone !

If you can continue doing your job to the standard required, i wouldn't worry about it. Don't feel guilty for not adoring your job! You're in a different phase of life now and priorities have shifted. I find the idea that not only do you have to do a job adequately but also be passionate about it a bit odd. Though good on anyone who does love their job!

Ah thanks everyone 💐 you’ve made me feel much better.

I have to carry on working anyway, we have just taken out a huge mortgage so I really have no choice 😂 plus I love it when DD picks up her little handbag and tells me she’s off to work, being that role model for her is the best. She doesn’t have to know I don’t give a monkeys 😂

Yeah I felt like this, I just wanted to be with dd and didn't care about work.

It took about 13 years until I started to feel differently 🙈😂

Working part time helped the guilt.

I think the feelings do come back. I felt more motivated when dc started school and then again mid secondary school when they were more independent. At that time I felt up for doing more things for me and that included being more motivated at work and finding a job I loved.

I hear you and it’s ok, and quite natural to feel this way.

I used to have a top glamorous job when I was 20’s/30’s. It was well paid, staying in fabulous hotels and travel. I wore fancy suits and had great work colleagues.

Then I had fertility treatment and had my DC1. The thought of leaving him at a few months old nearly made me have a breakdown. Luckily my DH said I could stay home, and then we had another child. I was a SAHM for 13 years.

I do however regret this a bit. I wish I’d worked part time, say 2, max 3 days a week. It was hard to get back to work.

As far as work and a career go though, no I don’t give a shiny shit about work, companies and job enrichment. If I was a doctor or something really meaningful then maybe yes, but corporate job, no thanks.

I work p/t now and it’s just for extra money. I give no shits about working. Even though my DC are older now, I’d still rather work p/t and be there for them and us than be in an office. I’m very good at my job, but I don’t think about it until I have to get my work clothes out, and I am completely switched off from it the minute I leave the office.

I literally couldn't care less about my job after having my baby! I even wanted to give up work, but actually going part time was the right balance.
I have so much less patience with work annoyances though, probably because I use up all my patience on my toddler!
But I think it will get easier as she gets older and I have more headspace.
We need money so I work and I think the socialisation & independence at nursery is good long term, though the first 6 months were rough.

At the end of the day, its a job that can be replaced by anyone else to do. But it sounds like you've got the best of both worlds - remote wfh and more money - so I'd just carry on and make the best of it.

I know what you mean. I was very happy to prioritise my children when they were younger. I became self-employed almost by accident, and it did work well as I could cut down on work during school holidays etc.

Covid dramatically changed my sector and self-employment, and it took me a long time to find a paid role. I'm now mid-50s, desperate for more challenging and engaging work, but can't even get an interview. Self- confidence in the gutter.

So my advice would be to keep work ticking over, take all opportunities for self-development, network and keep looking ahead. And enjoy your dad's early years.