Colleague oversharing with boss

[Earwigpig]

I work in a very tight-knit team of four (all at the same level) within a bigger section. One of the four (Ben) has a closer relationship with the section head (Linda) than the rest of us. He has a tendency to pass on information to Linda in a way that feels a bit gossipy and almost undermines the team's relationship with Linda, if that makes sense. A couple of trivial examples that spring to mind, just to give an idea of the sort of thing I'm talking about:

1. Team has a work issue that we want to run past Linda. We come up with a plan and arrange a meeting with Linda to discuss. At the meeting, Linda says: 'So, I hear you've come up with a plan, [proceeds to outline plan to us].' Turns out Ben and Linda have already discussed the issue in a way that renders the meeting pretty pointless. Rest of us feel silly.

2. I'm feeling under the weather and mention it in the team chat. The next day I'm feeling worse and call in sick. On the phone Linda says: 'Yes, Ben mentioned you had the lurgy.' I would have happily told Linda myself if I'd happened to speak to her the previous day, but I don't appreciate Ben discussing my health with Linda behind my back.

Any suggestions on how to bring this up with Ben in a gentle way? Or should I leave it? Ben is otherwise a great colleague whom I really value, but this has been bothering me.

Linda needs to stop letting on she knows things.

I think you are being a littke over sensitive about the illness. Ben may have happened to have a conversation with her and said it in passing. I get it if it was an illness you wouldn't want discussed but not something like the lurgy.
I get the meeting concern he absolutely should have left you all to discuss that.
Sometimes things like this do happen.
Sometimes in work environments it's about picking your battles.
I'd raise it with Manager if it keeps happening.

I’d just be careful what you say around Ben. I have someone in my team who is closer to the boss than others, as they’ve worked together before. I don’t tell this colleague anything that I wouldn’t want my boss knowing. Sometimes when I tell her an issue, i can tell shes already discussed potential options with this colleague as she comes back with solutions immediately instead of discussing it back and forth as you would.

Don’t talk to Ben at all. He’s a gossip and he’s going to throw anyone under the bus.

I have worked with a few Bens. They are political rather than team players. Great colleagues as they get to hear everything- would be curious to know when things are not going well what Ben is like. I usually find they can shove you under a bus without a second thought.

I was thinking about this before… We have a Ben at my work, only we’ll call her Suzie. (Obviously not even close to her real name.) Suzie knows EVERYONE…. She goes to every work do and is now someone resentful that she has climbed as far up the ranks as she is likely to go. (She tells everybody this…). She has thrown several people under the bus/train/cart:jumbo jet in her rise to mediocrity. (Seriously - there’s nowhere to go in our office….) Now whenever she walks into a room, conversation stops. Whenever the line managers are talking and she swings by for a chat, their eyes roll back into their heads. (Suzie’s slightly less beloved than she seems to believe.)

Stop telling Ben anything. Including the time.

I think this is on Linda as much as Ben. We have a Ben who likes to feel important and involved. Both I and our ultimate boss try and shut it down immediately, ignore it and have provided feedback some times that it's not appropriate.

Keep Ben at a distance but Don't make an enemy out of Ben . Ben has got into managements heads and will remove or undermine anyone he sees as a threat or an obstacle. Smile when you see him and be pleasant but don't over share .

Yep.

Assume anything at all either in person or in your team chat will be going straight to Linda. He probably takes screenshots of the entire conversation to send on to her.

I agree, Linda is taking advantage but it won't be worth it in the long term.

I'm already more guarded within the team than I'd like to be, which is a shame, as they're a really nice bunch. We occasionally socialise outside work. Very low turnover in our line of work, so some of us have been working together for a very long time and are likely to be working together for a long time to come.

Thing is, I'm convinced it's not malicious. Yes, Ben likes to be involved and in the know, and it's slightly too important to him to be in Linda's good books, but I think it's mostly because he's a very open/communicative person who shares information with everyone. Just the other day he told me all about his recent mental health struggles. I wouldn't dream of passing that on to anyone else, but at the same time I would be very hesitant to tell him about my mental health struggles...

Yeah, Linda definitely has boundary issues too. She's told me stuff about other colleagues that I have no business knowing. She's getting better, though. She hasn't been the boss for long, and I think at the beginning she found it lonely, having risen from our ranks after a long time.

Anyway, sounds like the general consensus is that I shouldn't say anything and continue being fairly guarded around Ben. Thanks!

Don’t tell Ben anything. Next time when Linda lets in she already knows something you haven’t discussed with her say “funny you already know about this, I am pretty sure this is the first time I am mentioning this to you”.
Ben is a gossip, is sucking up to the boss and cannot be trusted with information.
Linda is not maintaining /overstepping boundaries. Eg with the illness, you are not obliged to tell work what you have when calling in sick. If you feel brave enough, arrange a meeting with Linda (and possibly the team) and point out the issue. Explain that this time it was just the lurgy but it could also have been delicate and private matters like mental health issues or gynaecological issues and it is high time the office respect private matters.

Ben is a gossip or has a sense of responsibilty to raise things beforehand is the way Ben ticks.
Do not share what you do not need to with Ben.
So what if the boss already hears or finds out beforehand.
We all have the suck ups, gossips, does not mean you have to tell them anything or get upset.
I like when my co worker speaks about concerns, behaviours etc sometimes it keeps everyone honest.
Surely your boss isnt an idiot as a good boss knows how we all tick/ personality types.
Doesnt make it wrong.
Do we not have these people in our lifes once we begin school?

This!