Is admitting menopause struggles a career killer?

[SilverGlitterBaubles]

Just that really. Is having an honest discussion with your boss about how menopause might be impacting your work a career killer? I am aware that employers have to provide appropriate support and make adjustments but my concern is that it would feel like admitting that I am old and past it and that I would be looked at in a different light. Interested to hear of others experiences of this. TIA

I would hope not with most employers but I can only speak from my experience.

My old company did a huge menopause-awareness drive whereby managers received training about how to support staff and we were encouraged to speak to our managers if we had problems.

I was experiencing symptoms leading to insomnia and anxiety and so I spoke to HR who told my line manager (dreadful person!). They did very little (if nothing) to help but “allowed” me to attend GP appointments if needed. This was recorded as having put in place a reasonable adjustment when in reality attending GP appointments was already allowed. 12 months later I had a minor illness that involved hospitalisation but lasted a week and despite negligible sickness absence apart from that they attempted to put me on a capability procedure and threatened to sack me due to ill health (note a colleague had been ill and absent for over a month and all was fine for them). All company policy was ignored and it seemed to be a clumsy attempt to get rid of me despite an outstanding work record. A grievance letter and a solicitor later and all was resolved (and I found a much better employer).

I believe I was too trusting and I don’t plan disclose as much to other employers going forward if I can help it.

It depends on who you work for I expect.

My managers are always very supportive to any of us who are struggling for any reason.

But my poor sister had to change jobs due to the lack of support she received.

Had to speak out when I needed to object to a new line I felt wasn’t appropriate and seek an alternative. My boss couple years younger wasn’t bad, he offered to find a female for me to speak with. Can’t say any repercussions more then average criticism/praise deserved on work evaluation but I am a contract worker and felt fairly treated.

Went for another interview recently where it was made clear they had a young team (ageism alive and well in hospitality, it was far from minimum wage and maybe in hindsight actually very stressful) so that didn’t go so well and has made me more concerned when it comes to future employers. Time will tell but I thought as a female the hardest time of my life in giving birth to family was possibly over.

@Diddlypop That sounds horrendous and is exactly my concern. Employers make policy about being supportive but the reality is often different.

My company is tripping over itself to provide support for peri / menopause. They are also an endometriosis friendly employer.

I'd really like to think it's for the right reasons but I think it's more to tick the equality boxes.

I have found that so many companies like to shout about how inclusive they are, how they support employees with mental health issues/disabilities, how they want to attract a diverse workforce...

The reality behind the scene I have always found is totally different. The above is just pretence and a tick boxing exercise.

As someone who has a long term health condition I always found that the minute I have to declare it/take some sick leave because of it/ask for reasonable adjustments I am immediately treated differently, ostracised and petty criticism starts although my performance was previously praised.

So, I am a bit cynical about the current trend to pretend to support women with menopause or women who struggle with endometriosis and other conditions that cause painful periods.

And I have mainly worked for charities...who on the whole make truly awful employers I must say but love to present themselves as caring to everyone to attract donations.

Hate to generalise but in my experience, this is where female managers have been better that male.
My male manager treated me appalingly when l was pregnant.
Dread to think what he would have been like if l was there during menopause.

I suspect it's how people with disabilities or minority ethnic people feel - you have rights in theory but try to enforce them and you risk being seen as trouble.

I am worried that the emphasis on the difficulties of menopause means that discrimination against women will increase - young women are already discriminated against out of fear they’ll get pregnant, now will (bad) employers think they should avoid 40+ women too?

Sorry, that doesn’t answer your question. My employer falls over itself to jump on every EDI initiative going, so at an employer level I wouldn’t have any concerns disclosing menopause difficulties. But I would be concerned about my manager.

Based on my experience of going through ivf and pregnancy, I would be extremely careful of trusting your employer irrelevant of what their DEI team says. Having said that, as a manager I bend over backwards to support my team staying in work despite what challenges they have - good staff are hard to come by. I like my boss and have a good relationship with him but I would do anything to avoid showing any difficulties that might make him think I can't do my job. That's just my feeling.

A few months ago, I was struggling terribly with perimenopausal symptoms - brain fog, insomnia, anxiety. I was making a lot of mistakes. My boss had a chat with me to see if everything was OK. I explained it was all related to perimenopause. He's a male in his early 30s and admitted he was pretty clueless about these things. However, he did his research and found lots of support within our organisation. He's been very supportive himself. I couldn't have asked for a more supportve boss.
Anyway, since then I've been promoted and have increased my hours. I've also received an award for my excellent work.
So in my case, it hasn't led to career suicide. I'm sure it very much depends on your organisation and your line manager.

@SallyWD thats the kind of story we all need to hear.

My previous (medium sized) employer was actually pretty enlightened - we even had a menopause awareness month. Both the HR ladies had been through it which is I suspect helped. However my own experience at that employer was poor because my team was under incredible work pressure. I was working insane hours and being shouted at for missing deadlines when we clearly had insufficient staff levels to begin with. I did mention at my exit interview that if they wanted the kind 70 hours a week City-financial-services level of performance, they really needed to base their company in the City and pay people decent salaries and bonuses. I did not once mention suffering from peri symptoms as it would have given headed department more reason to view me with contempt.

I would do anything to avoid showing any difficulties that might make him think I can't do my job

This is how I am feeling but a high workload plus peri symptoms is perfect storm of an unsustainable situation. If I raise it then I will probably be seen as not coping and incapable but if I don't I will also be seen as this because I can't keep up.