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Am I inauthentic ?

19 replies

Leviathan1 · 22/09/2024 14:24

I work really hard at my role and manage multiple teams have been doing the job for a few years . I am peri menopausal and I guess my confidence is not what it used to be . I often speak to large groups of people and to senior stakeholders with aplom but in fairness I don’t relish or enjoy this and it’s something I have to work at but I get by . I use humour, I don’t rely too much on notes, I try to keep my presentations brief, engaging and interesting. I have always had good feedback . My Manager has the tendency to remove responsibilities from me at the drop of a hat and whilst I led on a specific Department wide meeting initially he removed it from me and started it to chair it himself following feedback - he wasn’t prepared to share it and wasn’t specific what this was !!! I found it humiliating. My Manager is super confident,a skilled orator, senior in the organisation and has taken to criticising me frequently recently about my inauthenticity and that I need to be more energetic in my public messaging and specifically to include storytelling to built my ‘personal branding’ . He previously fed back that I was performing really well in presentations so I don’t know where this has come from and he isn’t giving me many coherent examples of my lack of authenticity but it seems to be around taking shared responsibility for unpopular decisions - which I do ! . I don’t think I am inauthentic or unrelatable I work hard to build personal relationships and trust with my teams and I am genuinely interested in them as people and take time to give constructive feedback . I guess I am better one on one . Has anyone got any thoughts or tips as this is really denting my confidence and putting me off public speaking even more ! Do I really need to approach public speaking as if I was delivering a TED talk It wouldn’t come naturally to me and the thought makes me want to vomit actually . If I gave the context to these type of presentations think civil service HR.

OP posts:
Messen · 22/09/2024 14:27

He sounds like a bit of a snake to be honest. Trying to steal your turf and criticising you for not sufficiently taking the rap for “shared decisions”. He wants a scapegoat and a pushover.

Floofydawg · 22/09/2024 14:29

Personal branding?! Tell him to shove his corporate buzzword up his arse.

NavyBleugh · 22/09/2024 14:31

What's the betting he's been on some daft leadership training, and picked up some message about performing presentations instead of simply presenting them?
Besed on what you've said, it sounds like you have all the authenticity, and him, not so much!
I'm sorry you're dealing with such a twat!

NavyBleugh · 22/09/2024 14:31

Floofydawg · 22/09/2024 14:29

Personal branding?! Tell him to shove his corporate buzzword up his arse.

Quite. You said what I meant, quite succinctly. I like it!

Berga · 22/09/2024 14:38

Your manager sounds like an arse. I bet he loves posting this kind of shit on LinkedIn too. I bet he thinks people love listening to him, but secretly most people probably think he is a bit of a wanker.

Also other people don't get to decide if you are being inauthentic. Only you do.

Jammylou · 22/09/2024 14:44

Doesn't sound a supportive Manager at all.
If he feels you need developing in this area then he should be coaching and encouraging you.
Too many Managers love knocking your confidence as it makes them feel better about their own shortages.
Don't let him knock your confidence believe in yourself. Sounds like you are doing really well in your role.

Floofydawg · 22/09/2024 14:48

@NavyBleugh honestly, I have no time for this bullshit. And I work in a corporate job. It's a wonder I don't get sacked on a daily basis.

Cardiganoutsidein · 22/09/2024 14:48

I’d be wary of taking too much of what he says on board.

i find that men’s appraisals of women can be very skewed. What struck me is the fact you use humour.

I know of one very confident, oxbridge educated woman who is also very funny. Great team player. Always cracking jokes within team, which makes for a convivial work atmosphere. Her feedback from her LM was that she lacked confidence 🤨

im baffled. She’s great at her job, and I think she is aware of her strengths.

However, I think he thinks she ‘isn’t serious’ because she doesn’t walk round in shoulder pads and heels being a humourless, ball buster.

by contrast, same LM practically hero worships a male colleague who is similarly witty.

VivX · 22/09/2024 14:48

Well, I don't know what presentations you are giving but being "authentic" is another one of those things like "bring your whole self to work" when actually what is needed is simply a clear, concise, professional presentation on the topic at hand.

And "collective responsibility" starts from the top down: what's he doing about communication of unpopular decisions or is he just expecting you to take the blame?

Leviathan1 · 22/09/2024 14:49

This has all cheered me up immensely !!! Yes my leadership flaws do read like a scattergun round of buzzword bingo. I am not even sure what I am doing wrong exactly without logging onto the CMI website which is half the problem .

OP posts:
NavyBleugh · 22/09/2024 15:00

Floofydawg · 22/09/2024 14:48

@NavyBleugh honestly, I have no time for this bullshit. And I work in a corporate job. It's a wonder I don't get sacked on a daily basis.

I'm not in a corporate job, but my WTF did I just hear expression would ensure I wouldn't last long in one.

HappiestSleeping · 22/09/2024 15:00

I had similar, also with no tangible examples. My response was to say "oh, well if there are no tangible examples of where I've done x, it will be impossible for me to rectify, so we shall ignore it and move on". I was nodding as I said this, which made it very difficult for the prick to disagree.

NavyBleugh · 22/09/2024 15:00

Glad we could help @Leviathan1!

SocksTalk · 22/09/2024 15:03

Floofydawg · 22/09/2024 14:29

Personal branding?! Tell him to shove his corporate buzzword up his arse.

This.
And involve a red hot poker in achieving this.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 22/09/2024 15:04

Is his name David Brent?

Floofydawg · 22/09/2024 15:06

So many more people need to call out the corporate bullshit. My boss doesn't know how to deal with me because I refuse to participate in it. But if everyone called it out, it wouldn't exist!

StewardsEnquiry · 22/09/2024 15:09

So, there's this buzzword where I have worked before. About 'bring your whole self to work'. Bullshit. Nobody wants my whole self. I guarantee that. Work gets my work self, which is quite enough.

Like you, OP, my work self is funny and sunny and jokey. Keep it that way. It's fine.

FaceofSpades · 22/09/2024 15:31

He’s swallowed the Big Book of Little Boys’ Put-Downs For Women At Work. You aren’t authentic - you’ve your own personality which he refuses to believe in. Bring your whole self to work - we can weaponise your human messiness against you. Are you being a team player - why aren’t you doing 20 hours overtime while I sit on my ass? Pay it no heed and think about a move so this man isn’t your line manager anymore. You’re obviously capable and he’s managed to undermine your confidence, so he’s already done damage.

Gcsunnyside23 · 22/09/2024 15:54

HappiestSleeping · 22/09/2024 15:00

I had similar, also with no tangible examples. My response was to say "oh, well if there are no tangible examples of where I've done x, it will be impossible for me to rectify, so we shall ignore it and move on". I was nodding as I said this, which made it very difficult for the prick to disagree.

This ☝️I had similar with a peer, responded like this and he actually doubled down he was right but I stuck to my guns and then asked him how he knows people prefer his style and he wasn't able to answer, he just assumed he was better. He's one of those corporate knobs who swallowed all the stupid linkedin crap. I've noticed over the years men love to give women colleagues criticism but rarely give it to other men so don't let him shake you
I can absolutely guarantee I would prefer your style of presentation to his, I can't stand storytelling style, it screams self absorbed and I actually find that inauthentic

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