To go off sick

[moorin]

I work in civil service. Have worked there around 10 years and have always loved it. I've been in a new team for 8 months. The head of our team is a fucking nightmare.
She talks down to everyone, is extremely patronising, she micromanages (to the point of having a meeting to discuss a draft email to ask people for some figures), she's v intimidating and also tears apart any ideas you have. She's v cold and has zero empathy, but she's actually not trying to be horrible, she just has no people skills.

My workload is mental. I'm 4 days a week abs essentially do 2 different roles. One is PA for someone v high up. The PA work takes up a lot of my time. It was meant to be a small part of the job but can often take up a day or more of work. I have raised my workload so many times. Line manager is brill, but head of the team just doesn't understand. Keeps telling me to go on a course to help me learn how to prioritise. It's not the prioritising I need help with. It's the workload. I told her this a couple of times, and every meeting she gives me more work and tells me it's urgent (it's not). The other day she said she had a project to work on and a few meetings, and straight away asked if I wanted to join her and help do the work?! I thought is she absolutely mental. All I've done is complain about my workload and she's trying to give me more.

I've got 2 kids (4&7), and I just feel like I can't cope any more. I've always been very resilient. I've never taken more than a few days off sick at a time. I've started to feel really low, perhaps borderline depressed. I've never felt this way before. I can't bear the thought of working with this horrible cow any more & also with no change to my workload. Her role is coming up for grabs in the next month, so I'm hoping she won't be head of the team any more, but it does mean that I may be lumbered with her as my line manager.

I feel like my brain is going 1000 miles an hour. I want to go off sick for a bit and sort myself out, but I just can't even think how to tell my line manager?! He's sort of a friend and it's so embarrassing if I'm honest with him about how o feel.

Not sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe some advice? I don't know

Make a list of your workload and ask her to prioritise it.
And work according to that.

If she asks you to do an additional task, again ask her to prioritise it against your current workload.
If she doesnt, then it goes to the bottom of the list. When she complains, you remind her of the list!

Great advice!

Explore EOI opportunities ?

I do have a massive list at the ready, and I should really send it to her! I sometimes write in the team chat that I've had PA work that I need to prioritise so everything else will have to take a back seat.
Then I turn up to our team meeting and she will ask why I haven't completed some work, and I just feel like she doesn't understand AT ALL.

She says I don't need to do all the PA work straight away, but I do! Part of it is rearranging the meetings that I've already spent an hour putting in!! The people that attend these meetings are also v high up so it's hard to get anything in the calendars, let alone if I put that at the bottom of my list. It's arranging flights, trains, accommodation, her expenses. So that stuff is important but I'm made to feel like it isn't.

She will also say that she thinks the team doesn't do any of x,y,z tasks and that we leave it for one member of staff. I do those tasks all the time..she genuinely thinks I don't do anything. It's so frustrating. I'm losing the plot doing loads of work, and she thinks I'm sat there scratching my arse all day aaa

The person before me was full time and just did the one job. None of the PA stuff. I don't understand how they don't get it

I think you ought to use your
Line manager more to negotiate with the difficult boss. It's becoming a welfare issue and your attempts to achieve a balance and manage your workload aren't being met on the other side.
Honestly, it's what he is paid for. You've been constructive and proactive. Lay that out to him first and then tell him of the difficulties you are having.
I work on several different ops in the public sector and tend to agree to things, because it's important, everyone is busy and I don't like saying "no".
The different is, my line manager is active in resources meetings with the other bosses and has actually delegated work given to me without my even asking due to my work load.
You must make your manager aware.
I hope to feel better soon.

Do you have an HR department you can approach for support or do you belong to a Union? If not, join one, as they can be invaluable.
Essentially you have 2 issues.
1 The inappropriate behaviour of the head of your team.
2 The amount of work you are expected to do on 4 days a week.
Addressing these issues - you need to request a re-evaluation of your job description/work load, as you are clearly being expected to do more than is possible. Maybe that line management needs to change.
You need to make notes about the manager's behaviour. (Dates and setting if possible). Particularly anything that involves 'humiliating' you in a public environment. This is not acceptable.
Consider putting in a formal complaint about her behaviour, particularly the impact it is having on you and your wellbeing. (Ideally before next week and her job up for grabs)
Fingers crossed, she won't get the job, which will help solve one issue but......
By all means, sign off work to give yourself some breathing space, get a plan of action in place, but don't think it is a long term solution.
Good luck

I know you say your line manager is great but, to be honest, it doesn't really sound like it. You shouldn't be in her direct firing line so often without support. Friend or no friend, you need to talk to him. It's not embarrassing, it's his job. He needs to be supporting you in managing your workload and raising any issues - that's what being a line manager is about.

Do take some time if you need to but bear in mind that things might be the same when you get back.

As an aside, I well remember the issue of organising The Impossible Meeting. It can take up so much time and when you triumphantly come up with a solution, the organiser drops in some hitherto unknown (to you, not them) reason why it isn't feasible for them at that time or on that day - so you start again in a never ending circle of hell. Then some idiot wonders why it took you so long. I sometimes think the people who do this for groups of 'high powered' people all with their own PAs gate are wasted. With their skills they should be tackling something like the Middle East conflicts.

Thanks all.

I have messaged to say I will be taking a bit of time off. I feel so bad letting people down, but am also hoping that this might make them realise how much stress I'm under.

It's awkward with my line manager as he absolutely hates the head of the team as well. She doesn't listen to anything he says. He's brought up my workload with her, and she gives him more work to give me. He doesn't tell me about it as he doesn't want me to stress, and he knows it's not urgent. Then she will bring it up and say he probably didn't tell me because he's trying to stop me from stressing but that actually she needs it done asap.

He really struggles with her as she breathes down his neck the whole time as well. She does this with the entire team. Agree that he could probably do more or take it slightly higher up.

It's hard because she actually thinks I'm useless and do nothing. I haven't managed to grasp the one side of the job properly because I'm so busy, but she absolutely tore me apart when she realised. Urg. I just need her to leave 😭.

Thanks all for the advice

Such a relief that you are not in your own and your line manager has got your back and can't stand her behaviour either.

I had a similar experience. If your head isn't listening and your line manager can't manage the situation either then you need go go above the head to her manager and make them aware of the situation and ask them to address it. I know the effect this can have, it was so difficult for me and also started making me ill so my thoughts are with you. Go as high up the chain as you have to to get this sorted