Second job and feeling overwhelmed wwyd

[Renee19872]

Second Job and feeling overwhelmed

I really need some wwyd advice here.

I admitted to my dh a few months ago the level of debt I was dealing with. We talked it out and I recognise I have a trust and opening up issue he also recognised that my spending is likely similar to his but on a lower salary hence the debt. My husband suggested I get a second job to pay it off quicker. I agreed in theory and have just done my first shift at a pizza place in town.

The people were lovely and I’m sure some love the job but I have done nothing but cry since I finished my shift. Firstly I honestly don’t know how I am going to be able to do 6 hour shifts 2/3 nights a week alongside my full time job. My body is in bits and every part of my body aches! I don’t get home till midnight so sleep is going to be a major issue as up at 6.30 the next day. Not including home, kids and well life. Honestly I am dreading the next shift.

I have applied for other roles which I am hoping I would be more suited for but I’m tempted just to be honest with my husband and tell him a manual second job is not for me and keep trying to find something that would work better.

I also really don’t want to jeopardise my main job which is my dream job that I have worked and studied so hard for.

wwyd … sack the pizza job , keep looking but in the meantime look at what promotion opportunities you can try and work towards … your debt takes longer to clear.

or

suck it up buttercup and stick it out for the year

How do you split the household costs / bills?

Is it pro rata or 50:50?

I think I would protect my main job and give up the pizza job.

How do you split your income and spending at the moment? If your income is lower than his then surely your household costs are split proportionally?

Have you sat down and reviewed all of your expenses to see where you can make cuts?

Christians against poverty (CAP) can help get agreement to consolidate loans and an affordable monthly payment. But I’d also say that if you are paying 50-50 and earning less, getting into debt and your husband’s solution is to coerce you into a second job then he is financially abusing you.

Sounds like you definitely can’t afford to lose your main job, and some have rules around taking second jobs anyway, what you’re doing doesn’t sound sustainable.
I may be reading too much into this, but your dh sounds like a bit of a shit. It seems wrong that as you’re married he can spend at a different level to you and also, there’s no way I would let my husband work himself into the ground if I could possibly help him pay the debt, and it sounds like he could.

How will you pay the debt down without the second job? Could you look for a weekend job instead of a weeknight shift? I used to work full time 8.30-4.30 then 6-12 evening, you do adapt to it, but it's not easy. However if needs must then you might need to stick at it. How long will it take to pay the debt down with the second job?

Bills should be split proportionally not 50:50.

For the future - get this sorted now before you have family etc. women have to sacrifice careers and income over at least a decade when they have family. It takes years to catch up and company pay lip service to pay parity.

Be very careful also that any childcare bills don't become your cost.

For now - have you agreed to pay off your debt too quickly? What is driving it? It seems like you are being punished somewhat. How bad is it? Remember a partner is not a parent. Make a plan that you can manage and consider debt counselling if you feel you need support.

It’s hard to advise without a bit more information. What are your both spending on, why did he not know what your expenses were?

As a household how much do both of you do in terms of childcare and housework plus your jobs?

Are you trying to find a way for him to be responsible for her debts??

I had 2 jobs to pay off debt, worked ft during the week then 14 hour shift as a domiciliary carer at weekends, I did it for a year and paired off £5k debt plus saved £5k,

it made me quite unwell, both kids at primary, one kid with special needs, it can be done but your husband needs to do 90% childcare / running house etc, I found it ok as my kids are so demanding that working was easier for me. Would I do it again? No!

I now am stricter with spending as couldn't cope with the level of exhaustion doing 2 jobs

If in order to contribute to the mortgage, food, electricity, clothes 50:50, she has run up a credit card balance, or taken a loan to get a family car, then the debt is partly his responsibility

@Sparklywhiteteeth No, I am asking if she's paying a fair contribution to expenses based on income, and whether she has looked at what she can cut from her existing spending.

Well it really depends on how quickly you want to pay off your debt. Why don't you commit to 6 months? It's not surprising that you're exhausted, but once you get used to it in a few weeks, I'm sure you'll be fine

It depends as PP have said how the bills are split - but if it's a case of you've simply run up debt to keep up the same spending habits as someone who earns more (and you have your own spending money post bill split!) then that is your issue imo.

How did you plan to pay it off when acquiring the debt and being dishonest to your husband about it? That's what it sounds like when you say you had to "admit" to your debts - that he didn't know? I wouldn't be chipping in to pay off secret debt my husband acquired by overspending 🤷🏻‍♀️

This sounds incredibly difficult, I'm sorry that you are in this position.

Can you explain a bit more about how you and your husband split the outgoings, what hours you work and who sorts out the children and domestic tasks? What sorts of things did you spend money on to rack up this debt? The answers will make a difference to the advice given.

What sticks out from your OP is that you don't sound like you have a team approach to the household finances. My partner and I don't have children, but we both have a general overview of the household income, the bills and how much disposable income is left. Bills are appointed proportionally to income.

How has the debt come about? Frivolous spending then yes you should get another job / find a way of paying it down. If it's household expense - basic living costs - nothing fancy - then he has a responsibility to help pay it off

Has your main employer given permission for you to do a second job? Where I work you have to seek permission to ensure you are sufficiently rested for your main job. I would not be happy if someone was working in a pizza place the night before working but wouldn’t mind a Friday night or one day at the weekend if they had a weekday main job as long as they had a good attendance record and no concerns about the quality of their work.

Lots to consider here.

1. How was the debt built up
2. What is the true cost of the debt? While you try to pay it off can you debt consolidate to a cheaper interest rate?
3. You say you want to pay it off quicker but there will be a trade off to lifestyle, are you being too harsh and unrealistic?
4. What is your current working hours and routine like? I have an office job and no way I could work until midnight on a weekday, I would be making mistakes all day. However short term I could work a Sunday for a few hours as an example
5. Do you have/need permission for a second job?
6. Is overtime possible in your own job instead? Perhaps that would be easier to take say shorter lunches etc to build up a bit more money in your own role

Best of luck OP.