Sweet but sly colleague

[Worksadness]

I have a close colleague who I used to get on well with. She has however turned cold. She has said things to me when we have been alone, accusing me of things I haven’t done and wouldn’t do. I mentioned to manager as was unhappy. Manager called a ‘friendly’ meeting a couple of weeks ago to clear the air. It didn’t go well (was it ever going to?) as colleague denied everything and made up something I was supposed to have said which I def didn’t. Colleague was sweet, ‘hurt’ by what I was raising (the truth) and I felt that her accusations left me looking potentially quite bad! It all feels so unfair. She is v close to the top brass and other colleagues who she is lovely with. I feel isolated. I don’t think she’ll say anything in future that’s tangible but I am worried about all the sly stuff, especially now she knows I spoke to manager. I am mid-60s with a largely-dependant son and grandchild (won’t go into that) and need this job. She is late 20s. I feel if I raise a grievance it could just get worse as she will deny and reverse and I have no proof or witnesses. Do I just have to suck it up and get on with my job, albeit sadly? I suspect she wants me out or at least moved aside as she is hoping her cousin can get a job here (mine?) - mentioned that in the past when we were friends. It was around this time things started to change. 😣

Anyone?

This sounds like a horrible situation to be in, especially if you feel pushed out. I'd start a document and start writing down, in detail, anything said from here onwards.

I’m sorry to hear you’re in this situation - it sounds really stressful and unpleasant. I agree with @RainbowWife about documenting in detail the interactions you have with this colleague from now on. I’d also suggest you speak to ACAS to get their advice on this. And if you’re in a union at work, I’d suggest speaking with them too.

Thank you both. It is horrible and, as you can see, keeps me awake at night.

Are you a union member?

I agree with you keeping a log (in private) of what she does that could be construed as bullying behaviour. It’s likely that she will now be trying to trip you up.
Just get on with your work as best you can; I would always recommend being in a trade Union in case you need representation. You can’t raise old issues but anything new would be covered. At least you know where you stand with her now.

Take this seriously. She is not sweet at all. She is, for whatever reason, gunning for you.

You really need to grey-rock this one.

Be completely expressionless and non-committal in her presence. There is nothing you can ever do with a person like this, so you just have to be in control of your own emotions and responses.

have a secret smile that there is nothing she can do to get to you. And definitely don't stay awake ruminating about her (I say that as someone who has had a lifelong struggle with rumination!). It's hours of your life you'll never get back.

Thank you all, particularly for understanding - I don’t feel quite so alone now. I am not in a union and it never occurred to me - I shall look into that! It’s never been mentioned - don’t think anyone here is in a union. Mine is an admin role.

She sounds a piece of work OP, lying so brazenly knowing full well the truth. Can't have respect nor time for such people!
Your biggest problem is that she is close with the bosses, so what chance do you stand that they'd take her word over yours? It also seems she chooses to say these things to you with no one around.
Perhaps you could get a pocket recorder or keep your phone on "recording" when you know she'll be in. Plug it in the charger under your desk or something so it doesn't run out of battery. Set it to record and turn it over so nothing's visible. That way you have proof beyond denial if things turn for the worst. And keep writing down a diary too.

So sorry you are having a rough time. Sadly there are people like this in most places of work, competitive and 2 faced. I wouldn’t follow the advice of trying to record her. I don’t think this would go down well if it was found you were recording people and you’d come out worse. As others have said, make a note of anything she says and does, but aside from this, just get your head down and do your work, don’t engage. People like this do get found out in the end, you are unlikely to be the first or the last she does this with. Honestly just try and ignore it, she’ll get bored and move onto someone else as she probably thrives off the attention. As long as you know you are doing your work and not engaging in any other nonsense there is nothing anyone can ever get you on.

Even if you're workplace don't recognise a union you can still join one. The GMB accept members from all types of employment. In sure there are others too.

You may want to consider a voice recorder, it may be the best and most accurate way for you to collect evidence, for this to work well for you, you would have to keep it completely covert, secret.

The machine records date and time of recording providing you put the correct date and time.

You are in a vulnerable situation because this pitiful excuse of a human being is hell bent on pulling the rug from under your feet, so this is another reason why you need evidence.

She is bad news, cover yourself.

Hope this helps.

Does your work have a HR department? You can speak to them confidentially without raising a grievance. Might be worth having a chat to see what advice they cam offer.

As a PP said, keep a record of incidents. If she really wants rid of you she will ramp up efforts. Be sure to record dates and times. Also, keep hold of any emails or instant messages.

I was in a similar situation with a direct report who falsely accused me of bullying. Do not let this person get away with it. Seek help from other colleagues, another senior leader if your manager appears to be siding with her. But HR should support you even if not a formal process and just needing advice/support.

Good luck. It's a horrible situation. Hope you find some support.

Thank you again everyone. I will keep a written log but I suspect she will now go ‘underground’ and I may not know what she is up to. Another colleague has turned quite cold on me and it’s hard not to feel paranoid! She is so lovely with everyone and if she’s playing the injured party this is most unfortunate for me but I’m never likely to find out. I haven’t said anything to anyone other than our boss. I’m v sad - it’s hard for this not to affect me. I’m not very tough!

Oh and we don’t have an HR department.