Irritating friend

[Nmcl40]

My friend and colleague have been irritating me lately. Always complaining about the price of things, their job and how ‘they are willing to help when needed’ but when asked to help out they refuse. Saying things like ‘how can I go off on the sick. Can I say I’m stressed?’ I should have asked are they stressed but I didn’t. I don’t get this whole mentality of being deceitful and looking for ways around things. I just akways think it comes back to bite in some way. They are concerned about the price of children as they want to start a family which is totally understandable but they go on about 5 holidays a year. If you can afford that then you can afford to raise children. The holidays will just have to wait. Children are the main priority. Am I being unreasonable?

I think YABU. She’s fed up of work, which is what most of us experience at some point in life. Please don’t take the above advice of going to your line manager if you call this colleague a friend. That would be shady. Talk to them first. If they’re your friend, as you say, and something is clearly bothering them, be a friend.

I guess I’m just naive for thinking ‘get on with it’ most of the time.

It sounds like she’s just sounding off to you, it’s not your job to try and solve it.

I know it’s not. I would never go to a line manager behind a friends back without speaking to them first. I have said to them to speak to our manager if it’s annoying you or you feel that you are being asked to do stuff that’s not within your job. Maybe I’m naive in that if someone asks me to do something I don’t tend to complain I just do it. However I do know when someone is taking the piss

Smile and wave and let it blow over you. She is sounding off, nothing more

Is all this complaining happening at work or elsewhere? If at work, just say ‘I need to finish this’ and get on with your own tasks. If outside of work, see less of her.

Sacrificing a few holidays will never equate to the cost of having children.
I often wonder how anyone can afford to have a child now. Most working adults would struggle to afford it. Having a baby often results in ( neatly always women) reducing their earning capacity. It’s very difficult to survive on one full time wage and not everyone wants to leave their child for 40 plus hours a week in childcare.
Regarding not doing things she is asked, is this at work?
I’m not sure what you can do about that other than get on with your own tasks and leave it for her line manager to sort.

She sounds stressed/worried/fed up and you sound really unempathic. There may be a time in your life when your 'just get on with it's stance is more difficult/pushed to its limit/impossible.

It’s hard to be empathetic when it’s constant and it can be draining to listen to. I don’t know if they are telling other colleagues as I wouldn’t discuss it with them

Most parents make it work though. Anyone I have spoken to says it is a worry but most of the time they make it work. It’s all about priorities. As a newly pregnant person I will have the same attitude. Both my parents worked full time and we had babysitters. I will continue to as well all being well as I wouldn’t expect my husband to make all the money and with her not doing tasks I think it’s reasonable enough for her to be asked to do it especially when she has already said she is willing to help out. If it was something rodivulous and way out of our job description I would understand but for me it was something quite minor and only to complete when another member of staff was off